Buckle Up!

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No this can’t be, my inner voice screams as I take a picture of my youngest before he leaves for his first day of junior year. Who is this young man standing in front of me with his long, skinny legs and deepening voice? I can’t help but feel a little sad as I think back to my little boy trying to step into the bus with a backpack that was as big as he was. The years have flown  and now more than ever, I am sober to the idea of an empty nest. These kids have been my whole world and it is bittersweet to think my job here, at least when it comes to raising them at home, is quickly coming to an end. I am also grateful to have been blessed enough to be here for every moment. This morning I sat on the couch with a heavy heart as I reminded my husband that next year this time Chase will be starting his senior year. He quickly reminded me that there was no reason to fast forward this year in my mind and to embrace each day as it comes. This is a reminder to enjoy everyday. Don’t miss today because you are focused on the past or fearful about the future. Today is the one that matters. Pay attention to the details and imprint them on your heart. Change is inevitable but can also lead to the most amazing journey. Buckle up. Here we go!

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When There is no Anchor

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My world feels like one of those paintings where all the colors blur together. Everything is moving so quickly lately and I am fighting hard to feel somewhat anchored. I imagine myself on a large ship moving full speed ahead and the only choice I have is to be pulled along. Inside I am freaking out, silently screaming stop or wishing for a temporary pause. I know life is dynamic. Not a single day is the same and the person I think I am today will not be the same person I am forced to be tomorrow. Usually I embrace change. I often find comfort in the whole certainty of it but tonight I am struggling with allowing it to flow. I went to see the Christopher Robbins movie today so this line from Winnie the Pooh seems to explain exactly how I am feeling.

“I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” —Winnie-the-Pooh

A Loss For Words

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If you think 244 miles isn’t a long distance, ask the heart of a mother who just left her daughter behind to start her sophomore year of college. Every mile we drive, the separation becomes more palpable. I’m absolutely certain now that no matter how old my kids are or regardless of whatever dream or path they are following, I will always ache to have them near me. A mother bird feels much better when her babies are cozy in the nest. Sure she knows that one day they will fly on their own and she will celebrate that moment but there’s no denying the comfort she feels when she is physically watching over and protecting them as she guards the nest. This too shall pass just like it did last year but for now I will allow myself to mourn as I try and get comfortable in this place of feeling such loss. I know now that a child can never really know a mothers love until he or she becomes a parent. It’s not something you can explain or describe and the connection is unbreakable no matter how many miles keep you apart. My heart feels as empty as my gas tank as I get closer to home. Although my heart is sad, the joy and excitement in my daughters eyes will serve as a reminder of this amazing journey she is on. I want her to enjoy every moment and to know that each second that goes by, she is loved more than she could ever know.

Embracing Time

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Time is one thing we have no control over. Sometimes, when life feels uncomfortable, we hope to speed it up. There have been times I have watched my kids grow way too fast and I long to rewind and just go back. For the last few months, I have done my best to just push pause.Everything changes and we are caught there in our sacred space just trying to understand the enormity of what is going on around us. One thing change has taught me is to embrace each moment as it comes. If I mourn for yesterday or worry about tomorrow, I will miss the beautiful moments going on right in front of me.In 2 days, I drop my daughter off a few hundred miles away for her second year of college. My son will be starting his junior year of high school so the last few months of summer I have learned to slow down and capture the moments as they come. My need to hurry has subsided and I am content to be all in right here and now. Embrace time. Love it, hug it for a while and let it go. Sure it changes but there is hope and beauty in every secomd. Feel each moment knowing the next will be much different. Find peace there. Live there and let that place fill you up.

Here’s A Question

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Pay attention to the things that matter. Are you doing that? Ask yourself, what am I obsessed with right now…today? If your answer is anything but positive I highly recommend choosing something else. What are you talking about? Thinking about? Let’s hear it! I am obsessed with happiness.

What Are You So afraid of?

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So many people live in fear today. It wasn’t too long ago that I pitched a tent there and it was some of the worst days of my entire life. Everyday I was drowning in anxiety. I felt trapped in a place I didn’t want to be in and my thoughts were like superglue that assured I would never have a chance to escape. I convinced myself that the sky was on the brink of falling and I sat there looking up, hiding behind my hands waiting for it to happen. I expected the worst and I became obsessed with worrying about how I would deal with it. I convinced myself that the bs I told myself was true and my panic became so severe I could barely function. One day I wondered what would happen if I stopped waiting for the ball to drop and you know what happened? I started living my life. I replaced my fear with a place of peace that became my shelter in every storm. I was untouchable regardless of the circumstances and I believed that no matter what was going on outside, inside I would remain confident and strong. I stopped living in what might happen and embraced what was happening. I moved with the flow of life and stopped resisting everything that came my way. It is there where I found true happiness and started to enjoy my life more than ever before. Stop believing those ridiculous thoughts that rob you from enjoying your life. You were not meant to suffer so why inflict such terrible agony on yourself? You do have a choice. If what you are doing isn’t working, make a new choice. It’s that simple. Don’t be the cause of your own suffering.