1) That ridiculous high pitch voice that comes out of my mouth when I talk to a stranger. Where does that come from? Do I have multiple personalities or something?
2) Tall girls with skinny waists…sorry, but true
3)When the barista calls out my drink…grande white mocha nonfat, 3 pumps, and emphasizes the words LIGHT WHIP. I already know I should’ve skipped it but thanks for calling me out. Why not say Short girl, no waist, light willpower. That sounds better. It probably means the same thing.
4) The dog hiding under the bed EVERY time I try to put him in the crate. Maybe next time I’ll put myself in it instead.
5) Waking up at 3am to the sound of a herd elephants blowing as loud as they can through their trunks and not being able to go back to sleep.
6) My husband kissing me goodbye as he says “please don’t lay in bed all day” shut up! You’re the reason I’m tired in the first place
7) Searching for the IPad charger while wishing my husband duct taped it to the wall.
8)When I’m talking with someone on the phone and they say “hang on” to answer another call and never come back. News flash Kim, apparently you’re not that important. Do you realize how many times you do that to me in a day mom!
9) That I have to stretch my arms like gumby to reach the garbage disposal switch that is 4 feet away from the sink. Do you think builders do that on purpose or did something go very wrong?
10) People that only comment or acknowledge my Facebook posts when they want to start a heated fight. Why? Choose THOSE times to not respond.
Sorry folks, this is the best I got between annoying jazz music playing in the background, and the man speaking Chinese on the phone behind me. Should’ve brought my earphones
One more…spell check changing my words and making me look dumber that I actually am