Fear. In short, fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it. That is how Wikipedia sums it up. One word, so small, yet so powerful. I guess fear is different for all of us. I guess it’s perfectly understandable for a girl from a small town in New Jersey to be afraid of a little Oklahoma storm. I am trying really hard to get over it. Really, I am. I feel blessed that I have always found shelter that has provided me safety and security. What I didn’t expect was that every crack of thunder and every flash of lightening would begin to completely freak me out. I was never afraid of storms before. I loved them. I have blogged about this before. They always offered me a calm, relaxing place to visit in the middle of the busy of life. It was an excuse to stay home, curl up on the couch and listen to the rain.
Tonight, I decided to go for a run. As soon as I left the house, I looked up and saw lightening close by. Tonight, I was able to confront my fear and flee it at the same time. The approaching storm became my own personal trainer and hills I could only walk up 2 days ago became easy enough to run up tonight. I admit I was scared but I knew I had to make it around the block. It was my own personal challenge. As soon as my house came into my line of vision, I walked. I turned around, took one more look at that lightening and confronted it. I know it sounds crazy, but when you pass through a town a few miles away that has been destroyed, it takes a little piece of your heart. Every trip, every sight of such devastation rips at your heart. You can’t stop it, it just happens. To know these people are in tents while I am safely in my shelter as that tornado warning goes off leaves one feeling guilty and sick inside and scared.
I was fortunate enough to go to the Healing in the Heartland concert last night. The emotion and the energy in that arena filled me up. So many emotions, so much pain enveloped in love and hope. We just need a break here. Too many sirens in too few days. Fear, real or imagined, reminds us we are only human. Sometimes we need to be patient with ourselves and just let fear pass on through. Acknowledge it, then continue on. It doesn’t have to be crippling, but we can’t deny it’s there. So tonight, I acknowledge it, and hopefully tomorrow when I begin the day, it won’t have the same power over me. Acknowledge it and let it go until it doesn’t exist anymore.