Fear

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Fear. In short, fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it. That is how Wikipedia sums it up. One word, so small, yet so powerful. I guess fear is different for all of us. I guess it’s perfectly understandable for a girl from a small town in New Jersey to be afraid of a little Oklahoma storm. I am trying really hard to get over it. Really, I am. I feel blessed that I have always found shelter that has provided me safety and security. What I didn’t expect was that every crack of thunder and every flash of lightening would begin to completely freak me out. I was never afraid of storms before. I loved them. I have blogged about this before. They always offered me a calm, relaxing place to visit in the middle of the busy of life. It was an excuse to stay home, curl up on the couch and listen to the rain.

Tonight, I decided to go for a run. As soon as I left the house, I looked up and saw lightening close by. Tonight, I was able to confront my fear and flee it at the same time. The approaching storm became my own personal trainer and hills I could only walk up 2 days ago became easy enough to run up tonight. I admit I was scared but I knew I had to make it around the block. It was my own personal challenge. As soon as my house came into my line of vision, I walked. I turned around, took one more look at that lightening and confronted it. I know it sounds crazy, but when you pass through a town a few miles away that has been destroyed, it takes a little piece of your heart. Every trip, every sight of such devastation rips at your heart. You can’t stop it, it just happens. To know these people are in tents while I am safely in my shelter as that tornado warning goes off leaves one feeling guilty and sick inside and scared.

I was fortunate enough to go to the Healing in the Heartland concert last night. The emotion and the energy in that arena filled me up. So many emotions, so much pain enveloped in love and hope. We just need a break here. Too many sirens in too few days. Fear, real or imagined, reminds us we are only human. Sometimes we need to be patient with ourselves and just let fear pass on through. Acknowledge it, then continue on. It doesn’t have to be crippling, but we can’t deny it’s there. So tonight, I acknowledge it, and hopefully tomorrow when I begin the day, it won’t have the same power over me. Acknowledge it and let it go until it doesn’t exist anymore.

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5 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Thinking of you, and all those in Oklahoma and the states affected by these storms–I hear the strength in your words, over fear. I hope last nights storms see you safe. Wishing you strength, and peace~

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    • Thank you. I am getting stronger every day. We are safe just some minor damage to “stuff” and a lost tree, a trampoline, a swing etc. But, we are safe and the sun is shining today. Thank you for your kind words 😉

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      • I’m glad you are safe! You are welcome~ We can just take each day, each moment, at a time. Glad you are getting stronger- I think of a recent pop song- “You gotta keep your head up, so you can let your hair down…” (It kind of sounds a bit trite as a one-liner, but the essence is there. Best. : )

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  2. Intense post … one of those that I want to comment on, but I probably shouldn’t because it seems pretty sacred, your battles with storm and fear, and your resolute courage to push through … come out the other side … The nation is praying for you all in Oklahoma … Most of us (me) cannot grasp what you guys have experience. Be safe, at peace, and congratulations on this victory against the fear.

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    • Thanks for your kind words. There’s got to be a break in store for us sometime right? My heart is still breaking. Some days the stories are so hard to take. You don’t want to watch but you can’t help but watch. Driving through the town rips at your soul. It is tough and although I am so grateful my town was spared, because we are so close in proximity and because of the repeated tornado threat I think we all have some degree of PTSD. Power in numbers though. One day at a time…Thank you for your concern and comment.

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