We Are All Flawed

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If there’s one situation we all have in common, it is death. None of us like to talk about it. In fact, I’m sure most of us don’t even want to think about it. As I get older, as much as I fight it, the thoughts creep in, mostly late at night when my mind is racing and wont let me get to sleep. I picture how I will feel when I am standing next to the casket of my mother or father or sister or brothers. Will I die first or will I be forced to live on long after my husband passes away?

Nothing can prepare us for death. There is nothing more painful than someone being ripped from our life before we are ready to let go. I know this because recently people from my past that I miss dearly have been haunting my dreams. I am so grateful to see them and then I wake up and the pain is fresh and raw.

There are some people I cannot bear to lose. Do I tell them? Do I make an extra effort to let them know how I feel? Expressing myself has always been difficult for me. I know it comes easily through my writing but my actions and words often tell a different story. I know I am hard on people. My thoughts and feelings are filled with kindness and good intention but sometimes the words and actions come out all wrong. The older my kids get, the more I realize this. They remind me that sometimes they need a hug and compassion a whole lot more than my worldly knowledge or constant lessons. This is something I am going to actively work on this year. We should all have goals to help us achieve our best self. They are constantly changing as the person we are becoming goes through different lessons and necessary changes.

I hope someday I will find the words and a way to reach out, so that the people I love and think about know exactly how I feel about them. Time is running out and I am racing the clock. Sometimes, just acknowledging a problem exists leads to its solution. This is one of mine and I am ready to take it on. My heart is big but sometimes my mouth is bigger, and not always in the best way. So this is my challenge and I invite you to look deep into yourself and to choose one too.

3 thoughts on “We Are All Flawed

  1. DJO

    It’s hard to think about leaving, but sometimes it’s harder just staying here when your closest loved ones are already gone. Today is one of those days, when you have a pity party and just cry about not having your mom or dad here and them not being here to be the grandparents you always envisioned your children having. It’s hard to see people becoming aunts and sister’s-in-law when you know that those are roles you can never fulfill because it’s just not an option. If you truly love someone they already know by your actions, words sometimes just aren’t necessary.

    Like

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