Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well. I have this gnawing need to keep a clean house. If the house is dusted and vacuumed and everything is in it’s place, I am in a good place. It might seem irrational to some but the fact is, that is just part of who I am. It is necessary for my survival whether it makes sense or not. I tried really hard to conserve my energy. I knew being sick would take its toll so I tried my best to not notice the fingerprints on the counter and the cat litter on the floor. I even lit a candle to help me relax. Anyone who really knows me would understand the mental angst it would cause me to leave the house unattended. One thing I learned in life is that we all have things that make us tick. Our priorities and our needs are diverse to say the least but when we are in a relationship, we learn what is important to the people in our lives and we just don’t question it. We may think to ourself that Kim is a total nutcase with her constant need to have a tidy house but for whatever reason I love her and I will embrace this part of her. So, back to yesterday. Of all the things that would have been helpful to me yesterday, what does my husband choose to do? He blows the candle out, my candle out, that I lit. If I’m being honest, his choice of being helpful did not sit with me very well. I was furious. I realized as I calmed myself down that in my mind I was that candle and in a single moment, when I wasn’t looking, just like that, my light was blown out. Isn’t that how we all feel sometimes? We do our best to act out our roles and out of no where, when we least expect it, someone sucks the life right out of us? And why? We were just going about, minding our own business, doing the best we can and bam, undeservingly attacked. That is what our mind allows us to believe. The truth is, even if someone blows out our candle, we have the power to light it again. It’s as simple as that. We can pretend the action of another is the end of our world or we can simply make the choice to dust ourselves off and move in a different direction. We are not victims, not to others at least but we can certainly be a victim to our own thoughts. All I had to do was pull the lighter out of the drawer and re-light the flame. I could have saved myself the aggravation of the poor me saga and moved on to something more productive.
Remember, no one can permanently blow out your own flame. They can try and it might seem dark for awhile but the power to light it back up lies in power of your own two hands.