Dear Mom, You’re Ruining My Life

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I’m so glad my parents always make an effort to spread positivity about my day ❤

That was a post made by my teenage daughter today. OF course she was being sarcastic. One thing that is very frustrating about kids today is that they have a very difficult time sitting down and talking through a problem. It saddens me that they can easily air their problems through social media but can’t seem to be open enough to sit down and have a respectful discussion. How can I possibly respond to this. How can I possibly make her understand that sometimes you get what you give? 

As a parent who has given up my own freedom to raise and parent my children, it is disheartening for me to see my daughter lay in bed and read all day long for several days at a time. Sure, it’s not a bad thing but I have failed to teach my children responsibility and setting priorities. I have failed to teach them to do their part and not sit and watch me cook, clean up and do the dishes every single night. I haven’t taught them to be kind and helpful and to do something uncomfortable for the sake of another. I haven’t taught them they have to work for things in life like money for gas or even a car. They just expect things to be given without sacrificing or finding a way to get it for themselves. I failed to teach them to be respectful and not roll their eyes at an adult. I failed to teach them it is not okay to challenge and question every little thing. I taught them that laziness is okay and they should only do what they feel like doing. I failed to teach them to hold their tongues and not speak every single thing they think. I’ve taught them that phones are allowed at the dinner table and conversation isn’t necessary. I’ve taught them that a bad attitude is okay and mumbling under their breath comes without consequence. I’ve taught them they can get away with mean comments and hurtful words. I’ve taught them so many things I tried so hard to avoid.

Teens are tough today. They are hard to parent. Sometimes they are even harder to love. They build walls that seem impossible to climb and they act out negatively only to bring themselves the wrong kind of attention. Sometimes as a mom, I feel lost. It’s a different world than the one I grew up in. These are different times. Kids do things today that I would never even consider as a teen myself. They are cocky and self consumed, condescending and snide. They think they know it all. They have all the answers. They challenge everything their parents say. If I say a shirt is purple, they will argue it’s blue. They haven’t seemed to grasp the “It is better to be kind than to be right” philosophy but they have mastered the “I will always prove my point and have the last word” philosophy.

I have done my best but my best was never good enough. I have showed them by example many things that they simply reject. I have lost the heart and soul and energy to stay on them and follow through. Maybe I have done all I can and its time for them to learn the hard lessons on their own. Maybe they never will. Maybe time will teach them that life doesn’t always feel good. It is not about doing only what you feel like doing. Its not about escaping responsibility, or entitlement. It is not about sitting back and watching someone do your share and saying whatever you feel despite the consequences. Maybe someday they will learn you get what you give. Or maybe they will never figure it out at all. Maybe one day they will stop believing I am ruining their life and learn that it is their own actions and words that ruin it for themselves. I guess only time has the answers but at least something does. Does anyone else feel like they can’t do anything right while raising teenagers? I wish I didn’t come down so hard on myself.

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10 thoughts on “Dear Mom, You’re Ruining My Life

  1. Oh, my heart goes out to you. My kids can still be like this, at 25 and 22 years of age. It’s really hard to always be the mean guy and make them do their share. I’m waiting impatiently for my 25 year old to move out!! Please please please – just leave already. I am tire of being told I’ve done everything “wrong”. Just hang in there…I’ve heard it gets better! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think that parents who are naturally inclined to serve others as a sign of love must work especially hard not to raise princesses and princes. My husband and I failed to give our son any financial wisdom but he got it on his own, thankfully! We just can’t be perfect. Not this side of heaven!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just my 2 cents worth of experience:

    Re: “How do you fix that?”
    Stop trying to “fix it” and
    start being intentionally kind to yourself, instead.

    Re: “I wish I didn’t come down so hard on myself.”
    On your list of perceived “failures,” I stopped
    counting at #10. How about a list of the opposites?

    Re: “As a parent who has given up my own freedom
    to raise and parent my children …” Pay attention
    to this feeling within yourself – WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.

    🙂

    Like

  4. All great points. Thank you for that. Maybe the change needs to come from my attitude and perspective. I have to stop beating myself up. That’s everyone else’s job 😉 I’m so good at self love with everything except parenting. It certainly wouldn’t hurt to make a list of the things I do right. Great advice and thanks so much for taking the time to try and set me straight. I really appreciate it. And I do sound a little resentful huh? The last point you made was a biggie;)

    Liked by 1 person

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