When you have a 13 year old who has ADD and who asks a million questions all in 5 minutes, you realize how little you actually know. I’m sorry, I don’t know where snot comes from. I have no idea why there is a pillow in the doctors office or why the saw cuts only the cast and not the arm. I don’t know what I would do if I could freeze time because I can’t freeze time. But no, I wouldn’t steal and yes, I probably would save someone from a burning car. I’m sorry I don’t know where the tissues are or if your cast is coming off or when you will get a smaller one on. I have no idea why the ambulance came to your school today or why you sound so weird when your nose is all clogged up. I can’t tell you why one nostril is more clogged up than the other. Now, any more questions?
I just heard the garbage truck in front of my house. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could dump all our crap into a single container for someone else to take away? Take it, every single thing. Rid us of the memories of people who hurt us, bad decisions, regret, blame, pain, hate, mean words, anger,emotional baggage, lies you tell yourself.
All of it.
Imagine it pulling away.
Now start your day fresh. I will be blogging more about this later.
The question of why I blog comes up often. A few years ago, I had a friend who started posting her blog on Facebook. I was addicted, waiting to read it every day. How brave and bold to put your genuine self out there for the world to see. The confidence to just be, with no apology or concern for what anyone thinks.That is how the seed was planted and there was no turning back.
Shhhh. Hush. Don’t tell was the motto when I was growing up. I was taught to keep my troubles to myself. The whole world does not need to know everything about you, my mother would say. Sorry mom!
Deep down, I was longing to connect. I wanted to share my stories, my life with people who were willing to share their lives with me. I had so much to say and no one to listen. I became consumed with the thought of having my own blog and finally the day came when Anewperspectiveperhaps was born.
For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be vulnerable and although it was a little scary, it was also very freeing. I found my wings and I was ready to fly. I still remember how nervous I was to push publish for the first time.
Blogging changed for me over time. I had a message and I wanted to spread it to as many people who would read my words. What I didn’t expect was how much I would connect with other bloggers. They are an amazing community. They are a combination or respect, compassion and support and we all could use more of that. Their kindness and encouragement surprise me every single day in the most amazing way.
So how long will I continue to blog? Probably until I run out of words and I have a feeling that won’t happen anytime soon.
My blog is a little like therapy I guess. It is there to listen but allows me to figure things out on my own. It is a place I feel safe to be who I am and discover ways to be a better me. It is self examination, a sponge to soak up my pain and a lifetime journal to keep my most precious memories in a place I can find them when my memory gets weak. My passion for writing grows a little more every day. In a way, my blog has become my closest friend. She speaks, I listen. I speak, she listens. We are one and the same and I’m so grateful I found the courage to take that leap of faith.
Sometimes, if you are lucky enough to look in the right place at just the right time, you will catch something that you will be so grateful you didn’t miss.
My little girl, my first born, is 16. Everyday I look at her and wonder, how did this happen? Where did the years go? Today she invited some friends over to hang out at the pool. For whatever reason, I looked out just in time to see something that made me smile. Even though she is so serious during the week and trying her best to act all grown up, there she was holding hands with her friend running like a little girl and jumping into the pool. They were laughing and giggling and it reminded me of a time long ago. For a second, I got a glimpse of the little girl who couldn’t wait to jump from the side of the pool and into my arms. She was a little fish who, for whatever reason, loved the water. She would look at me with those wide, sparkling, beautiful brown eyes that would melt my heart and say “one more time mommy” which turned into a million more times. She was so small then and I had no idea she would grow up so fast. What I wouldn’t give to rewind to that moment in time. How I wish I could go there and catch her just one more time.
Since I’ve been writing about teachable moments lately, today I learned an important lesson myself. I was talking to a friend with boys about teenage girls and how different it is raising one of each. We laughed about injuries and broken bones when it comes to boys but agreed raising a teenage girl requires a great deal of patience, a sense of humor and then even more patience. It’s so hard to keep up with the moods and the eye rolling. Sometimes it’s a contest between the two of us. Seriously, how old and I 16? I was telling her how girls can twist their face and do something weird with their eyes until they look like a psychotic, angry monster and what do I do back? Shamefully, the same exact thing. I do the very thing I tell my kids they SHOULDN’T do. I am failing my own lessons.
It occurred to me that my behavior is often a reaction to someone’s behavior toward me. If someone nasty to me, shamefully I am nasty back. If someone is usually friendly to me, I’ll make an effort to be friendly too. I don’t always have that block response alarm in my brain that yells Kim, DON’T DO IT, STOP! Sometimes my body language and mouth react so quickly that I don’t even realize what I did until it’s done. I really have to work on keeping my cool and reminding myself to make a solid effort to speak to people the way I want to be spoken to regardless how they speak to me. I need to treat everyone with kindness and respect and stop using my reactions to compete with or punish anyone else. In the long run, the only one really punished is me. No more excuses. No more allowing my ego to pilot my plane. I am in control of everything I say and do and it has nothing to do with anyone else. Today, I have to choose love. I have to do better. My kids are watching.
Straight from vocabulary.com
A hypocrite preaches one thing, and does another.
Let’s all meet some new bloggers!
I can tell you that one Meet and Greet changed my blog forever! On April 26 I had approximately 600 followers and received around 70 views per day. I participated in a MnG on A Good Blog Is Hard to Find (Formerly Harsh Reality) and from that Jason reblogged my post. That day I received 50 new followers and tripled my views. I never looked back! lol
I understand that I do not hold the online power of 55,000 followers, but you get the point.
Here is the link for this weekend’s Meet and Greet, simply follow the instructions: