When you have a 13 year old who has ADD and who asks a million questions all in 5 minutes, you realize how little you actually know. I’m sorry, I don’t know where snot comes from. I have no idea why there is a pillow in the doctors office or why the saw cuts only the cast and not the arm. I don’t know what I would do if I could freeze time because I can’t freeze time. But no, I wouldn’t steal and yes, I probably would save someone from a burning car. I’m sorry I don’t know where the tissues are or if your cast is coming off or when you will get a smaller one on. I have no idea why the ambulance came to your school today or why you sound so weird when your nose is all clogged up. I can’t tell you why one nostril is more clogged up than the other. Now, any more questions?
I just heard the garbage truck in front of my house. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could dump all our crap into a single container for someone else to take away? Take it, every single thing. Rid us of the memories of people who hurt us, bad decisions, regret, blame, pain, hate, mean words, anger,emotional baggage, lies you tell yourself.
All of it.
Imagine it pulling away.
Now start your day fresh. I will be blogging more about this later.
The question of why I blog comes up often. A few years ago, I had a friend who started posting her blog on Facebook. I was addicted, waiting to read it every day. How brave and bold to put your genuine self out there for the world to see. The confidence to just be, with no apology or concern for what anyone thinks.That is how the seed was planted and there was no turning back.
Shhhh. Hush. Don’t tell was the motto when I was growing up. I was taught to keep my troubles to myself. The whole world does not need to know everything about you, my mother would say. Sorry mom!
Deep down, I was longing to connect. I wanted to share my stories, my life with people who were willing to share their lives with me. I had so much to say and no one to listen. I became consumed with the thought of having my own blog and finally the day came when Anewperspectiveperhaps was born.
For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be vulnerable and although it was a little scary, it was also very freeing. I found my wings and I was ready to fly. I still remember how nervous I was to push publish for the first time.
Blogging changed for me over time. I had a message and I wanted to spread it to as many people who would read my words. What I didn’t expect was how much I would connect with other bloggers. They are an amazing community. They are a combination or respect, compassion and support and we all could use more of that. Their kindness and encouragement surprise me every single day in the most amazing way.
So how long will I continue to blog? Probably until I run out of words and I have a feeling that won’t happen anytime soon.
My blog is a little like therapy I guess. It is there to listen but allows me to figure things out on my own. It is a place I feel safe to be who I am and discover ways to be a better me. It is self examination, a sponge to soak up my pain and a lifetime journal to keep my most precious memories in a place I can find them when my memory gets weak. My passion for writing grows a little more every day. In a way, my blog has become my closest friend. She speaks, I listen. I speak, she listens. We are one and the same and I’m so grateful I found the courage to take that leap of faith.
Sometimes, if you are lucky enough to look in the right place at just the right time, you will catch something that you will be so grateful you didn’t miss.
My little girl, my first born, is 16. Everyday I look at her and wonder, how did this happen? Where did the years go? Today she invited some friends over to hang out at the pool. For whatever reason, I looked out just in time to see something that made me smile. Even though she is so serious during the week and trying her best to act all grown up, there she was holding hands with her friend running like a little girl and jumping into the pool. They were laughing and giggling and it reminded me of a time long ago. For a second, I got a glimpse of the little girl who couldn’t wait to jump from the side of the pool and into my arms. She was a little fish who, for whatever reason, loved the water. She would look at me with those wide, sparkling, beautiful brown eyes that would melt my heart and say “one more time mommy” which turned into a million more times. She was so small then and I had no idea she would grow up so fast. What I wouldn’t give to rewind to that moment in time. How I wish I could go there and catch her just one more time.
Since I’ve been writing about teachable moments lately, today I learned an important lesson myself. I was talking to a friend with boys about teenage girls and how different it is raising one of each. We laughed about injuries and broken bones when it comes to boys but agreed raising a teenage girl requires a great deal of patience, a sense of humor and then even more patience. It’s so hard to keep up with the moods and the eye rolling. Sometimes it’s a contest between the two of us. Seriously, how old and I 16? I was telling her how girls can twist their face and do something weird with their eyes until they look like a psychotic, angry monster and what do I do back? Shamefully, the same exact thing. I do the very thing I tell my kids they SHOULDN’T do. I am failing my own lessons.
It occurred to me that my behavior is often a reaction to someone’s behavior toward me. If someone nasty to me, shamefully I am nasty back. If someone is usually friendly to me, I’ll make an effort to be friendly too. I don’t always have that block response alarm in my brain that yells Kim, DON’T DO IT, STOP! Sometimes my body language and mouth react so quickly that I don’t even realize what I did until it’s done. I really have to work on keeping my cool and reminding myself to make a solid effort to speak to people the way I want to be spoken to regardless how they speak to me. I need to treat everyone with kindness and respect and stop using my reactions to compete with or punish anyone else. In the long run, the only one really punished is me. No more excuses. No more allowing my ego to pilot my plane. I am in control of everything I say and do and it has nothing to do with anyone else. Today, I have to choose love. I have to do better. My kids are watching.
Straight from vocabulary.com
A hypocrite preaches one thing, and does another.
Let’s all meet some new bloggers!
We have to remember how connected we really are. Whatever we do to someone else, we do to ourselves. It is explained so clearly in this explanation that it is hard to ignore.
“A Course in Miracles says that everyone we meet will either be our crucifier or our savior, depending on what we choose to be to them. Focusing on their guilt drives the nails of self-loathing more deeply into our own skin.”
Excerpt From: Williamson, Marianne. “A Return to Love.” HarperCollins. iBooks.
We think things like our hatred, our criticism, our anger are only feelings toward someone else but the truth is, whatever we feel toward someone else, we turn inward and feel more about ourselves.
It is so important to pay attention to your feelings and thoughts. It is time to heal your mind and the relationships that are holding you back in your own life. Remember, when you choose to look for the good in someone, even when it’s hard, when you choose to forgive and see underneath the flawed person who obscures the perfect soul that is underneath, you will love and forgive yourself. You will discover those parts of yourself that have been buried for far too long and you will finally be blessed with the freedom to live the life you have always wanted. The greatest gift you can give to yourself is self forgiveness and self love.
Before you speak to anyone, before you react or respond, repeat this mantra silently to yourself.
Today, choose love
Let every word, every feeling, every interaction come from a place of love and your relationships will transform before your eyes.
Today is a new day. I pray you will take advantage of the opportunity to start today to change your life. I pray you find the courage to reach out and grab the happiness and joy that you truly deserve. You always have a choice. Pride or love? Today, choose love.
‘We think too small. Like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view.’
— Mao Tse-Tung
As a parent, you have to take advantage of every teachable moment. I was on my way out of the parking lot after picking Chase up from school and as I turned onto the main road, the traffic light suddenly turned red. When the cars stopped for the light, I got stuck sideways in between lanes. I really, truly felt bad that I was stuck there in the middle of the road. I did my best to creep up on the car in front of me so people could get by me in the right lane. Almost a second after, a car came flying up beside me and beeped to let me know he was aggravated with the position of my car, which at this point, I could do nothing about. I was mad. I lifted my hand above my steering wheel and I was going to hit my horn with everything I had. A second later, Chase asked why I didn’t beep back.
“When someone does something nasty or ignorant to you and you do it back, you’re just as bad as the person who did it in the first place.”
“So say someone is a jerk, I shouldn’t be a jerk back?
“I smiled and said, “you got it buddy”.
Then he innocently said, “what is the horn for anyway?” Just gotta love that kid.
The lesson is, two wrongs never make a right, we have enough jerks in the world already, if something is wrong, don’t do it, period and the most important of all, think before you react.