Lost In Emotions

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One thing I’ve learned about dealing with teens that can also be applied to adults is this. Once you lose your cool, as soon as you raise your voice or use an angry tone, it is game over. You have handed over your opportunity to make a point. You have now become an enemy and someone the other person only sees as mean instead of hearing the message that was intended to be spoken. Sometimes that’s what I believe people want. Being mean gives my kids an excuse to retreat to their rooms instead of staying downstairs and cleaning up their own mess or being responsible for what is expected of them to do. I see it so clearly when there is an exchange between my husband and my kids and how this allows a point on the teens score card and zero on dads. It’s not so easy however, when I am the one that completely loses my cool. I guess I have to work on that a little more. Remember, if you want someone to listen, you have to say it in a way they are willing to hear. When you yell or berate, the person you are speaking to will stop listening and you will look like the bad guy while they escape the lesson. That is lose lose for everyone involved. Stay calm and speak in a nice voice.

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14 thoughts on “Lost In Emotions

  1. What I have learned about reactions: Good people disapprove of outbursts and will not smile when you are about to lose control of yourself. Imps want you to lose your cool and will usually crack evil grins when you are on the edge.

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  2. the-reluctant-parent

    this might sound like a silly question how do you stay calm even if the kids don’t listen? In my head, I know it takes practice and patience and I know that I’m not the most patient person so that’s something extra I have to try to overcome but in that flicker of time when you’ve asked the teenager for the 10th or 20th time to please come down stairs and take out the trash and he says “I will in a minute” and a minute becomes 5, then 10 and then a half an hour, yet he says that you’re being a nag because he won’t do the work, how do you deal with that?

    I don’t want my children to be robots but it would be amazing if they would at least listen sometimes and if we have one success, it would probably reinforce us to build on the next one and so on.

    I don’t know if that all makes sense.

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    • I have no idea how you stay calm with kids. I haven’t figured that out lately but I am trying to change my tone. I hear teens so when my daughter is rude, I am rude back and then it justifies her acting that way. But if I can remain stern with a calm tone I will feel much better when I lay my head down at bed at night. I hate double standards and I try so hard to not be the opposite of what I preach but I am trying my best every day even when I fail. I get that aggravation when it comes to kids. They are our best teachers and our hardest lessons 😉

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