I think it was Dr. Phil who said, you can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge. Writing is like therapy. I can feel my heart beat slower as I type the words. Blogging brings about a sense of calm that I can’t seem to find anywhere else. It’s like wringing out all my thoughts and those feelings that linger behind. If I don’t write about it, it stays there, stuck inside of me so it’s time to write.
There are some things you can never prepare yourself for, no matter how hard you try. It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling this week. The truth is, you never think it’s going to happen. You completely deny it by blocking it out of your mind because it’s a place that is just too painful to go. I try my best not to think about what my life will be like when I can’t dial the phone and hear my moms voice on the other end. I just cannot go there. Just writing about it causes my chest to tighten and I feel like I cannot breathe. I go into complete panic mode and thats where I stay.
My mother was brought to the hospital last week. She gave us a scare that nearly broke me in half. I couldn’t write about it, I couldn’t talk about it. I had to focus on breathing in and breathing out and not let my mind go to the worst possible place. It’s been one of the hardest weeks of my life and it keeps on coming, one blow after another. There are some things medicine cannot cure. When parts of our body are damaged, we must live with what we have, the best we can. I am hoping she gets to go home tomorrow but she has a difficult road ahead of her. I am so grateful for every day I hear her voice. It’s so easy to forget how big the little things really are.
Don’t take anyone for granted. Always leave people with loving words and show them in your special way how much you care. We all know how the story ends, we just can’t predict when we will get to the last page. Be kind, love deeply and be grateful for the special people in your life.