When the World Leaks In…

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As I woke up to complete chaos, I pondered, how in the world do I keep the crazy going on all around me outside of me? How do I remain in a state of inner peace when I am being shot in the head by gigantic spitballs by the enormous straws aimed directly for me surrounding me from every angle? It has been a question I have not been able to find an answer to, at least if I am being honest. Sure I go to yoga and I meditate and I blog and take time for myself but time has made me a much weaker target. I used to be really strong, able to let most things roll off my back, but now I am weak. As much as I hate to admit it, I can feel the foundation crumbling under my feet. How can I remain grounded when the ground is breaking up from underneath me? There must be a hole in me someplace where the outer world leaks directly into my inner world. That place that was once safe and private has become exposed to the toxic stress of the outside world. And how does it make me feel? Sick and toxic on the inside too. 

My mantra for today:

As I breathe in and out, I am reminded to let everything pass through me. I will not hold onto my breath or anything else I am faced with today. I am strong and this moment will be much different from the next one. Breathe and let it go with each breath.

Dear Worry

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Dear Worry,

I think it’s time for us to finally break up. We have tried to make this relationship work for a long time now and it just doesn’t feel good anymore. I have stuck by you and all the while you have dragged me down. You’ve become almost an obsession for me and I don’t know where you end and I begin.  Maybe it’s time you leave and find someone who will welcome you. There is a better partner for you out there somewhere but I am not the one. You have wasted enough of my time and I want to feel the freedom again of being on my own. I want to experience life without you by my side tainting my perception of every experience. I want to stand alone and see how it feels to take that first step without you holding me back. There comes a time for everything and this is the time we must part. I want a partner that makes me feel happy and alive and confident that everything will be okay. You are not that one. I know that now. Pack your bags, go away and never try to force yourself back into my life. I’m done. We’re done. It’s time to start a new life without you in it. Are you listening? Just go. 

Me

If Tomorrow Never Comes

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Dream Big, Dream Often wrote a post I recently reblogged called, In the blink of an eye the life you know can change forever. Those words are scary and they are so true. I do believe some of us are more aware of this than others. I’ve been tapped into that knowing for quite some time now to the point I think it may cause some of my anxiety. I remember a time not so long ago that should have been a happy time. It was a holiday and everyone was aggravated and focused on the things that really don’t matter. I was devastated and for good reason. I knew that that day, that moment was one we could never get back. I wanted so much for it to be special and filled with laughter and love but the day had a different plan. I spent the day mourning what should have been while I was sick inside over what it was. I knew I couldn’t change it, I just wished other people could see the significance of the day for what it was. A chance for us to embrace this time we were fortunate enough to have where we were there all together. The truth is, because I don’t live close to family, every time  I visit, I feel so grateful that all the people I love are right there all around me. I spend a lot of time alone and it means so much to have these opportunities that are few and far between. So, when I watch them get ruined over something ridiculous, it absolutely breaks me heart. We cannot get a single minute back and we have to live every day trying to remember how precious each and every moment really is.

There is a girl I know from my childhood who is very sick. I follow her story on Facebook and from one day to the next, her life really does significantly change. She is so grateful for the outpouring of support and for the days she feels well enough to get out of bed. But the rest of us? We get so crazy over the littlest things. The hard part is trying to keep it all in perspective because we have no control over the things that feel “big”. We get stressed and angry and anxious and often times we don’t choose those feelings, they just show up and we don’t have the ability to make them go away. We are human beings doing the best we can. We are affected by the news, the people in our lives, even an innocent message from someone on Facebook or WordPress. We feel and its that very thing that reminds us we are alive. We have to feel the difficult moments so we can fully embrace and feel the amazing ones. It doesn’t seem fair but the reality is we cannot pick and choose. So today and everyday, it’s important to remind ourselves to be grateful for the life we have today. We have to appreciate all of it, the good, the bad and the in between. Every circumstance or person who presents itself offers something, maybe simply a lesson, we just never know. The hard part is believing we are who we are in this moment because of each and every day, not just the ones we would handpick for ourselves to remember. That trust is one of the hardest things. Appreciate all of it. Every person who has made you feel love and all the ones that leave you with pain and regret. Embrace the good memories, the bad memories and try and accept and love people just the way they are. It’s true, we could wake up tomorrow and our whole world could be shaken up, changed. And what choice would we have but to go on and do our best to try harder, love deeper and remember today is a gift we may not have the privilege to open tomorrow. Pick up the phone today and call a friend. Plan a day to meet for coffee or start planning that visit home. Let people know they mean something to you. That is a gift we all love to receive. Live smarter and love deeper and forgive yourself when you have a tough day. You never know what tomorrow will bring so make sure you appreciate today.

It’s a Bird, Its a plane, Its a Supermoon!

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Last night, like so many others, I sat outside with my daughter and watched the moon. I don’t normally spend a Sunday evening out under the stars and I must admit, it was kind of nice. I could feel the first hint of fall hidden in the chilly night. There is something about being outside that fills me with a sense of peace. As a kid, I was out there all the time but life is much different now than it was thirty years ago. All these distractions keep us away from what our souls need the most, a little time to be in nature away from the hustle and bustle of the noisy world. I hope you took a few minutes to sit outside too. I couldn’t help but think of how connected I felt to all the others who were out there somewhere doing exactly the same thing. That connection is powerful and it is palpable if you are paying attention. So how about you? Did you spend some time looking at the moon?

In the Blink of An Eye the Life You Know Can Change Forever

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A great message on Monday morning! Thank you Dream Big, Dream Often for the reminder and inspiration

Dream Big, Dream Often

In the blink of an eye the life you know can change forever.

I read a post last night on Alicia Keller Coaching that inspired this post.  Her challenge was to take inventory of how we spend our lives and how the trivial matters we waste energy on become insignificant if today were our last day alive.

It is human nature to take life for granted.  We live under the guise that everything is always going to be okay.  If not, we would be in a constant state of paranoia and fear.  That would not be healthy.  So our mind protects us as it always does.

The sad part of life is that someone, somewhere is getting a phone call right now that will change their life forever; not in a good way.  A husband is dying in a car accident as I type this.  Someone just took their last…

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Yes, it’s Monday!

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Today started off with a bang. My husband was kind enough to take over kid duty today and let me sleep in. Last night I decided to check my sons biology homework and inadvertently forgot to put his workbook back in his binder. Faintly, deep from dream world, I heard the habitual notification from my phone. When I got up to check it, I had 15 messages from my son that looked something like this. Mom. Mom? Mom? Did you take my biology flex book? Mom, are you up? Mom. Mom. Mom? Can you please hurry and bring my book? And just like that, I was off to the races. I threw a pair of sneakers on and the first pair of shorts and sweatshirt I could find and I was on my way. Of course, he takes 0 hour which is 45 minutes before school actually starts so now it was a battle between me and the bus in front of me that stopped every couple of feet. Finally I arrived at school and wouldn’t you know there was no one working the front desk? I just walked right in and down the hall I thought his classroom would be in but the room was empty. Luckily the teacher has a distinctive voice so I followed the sound and luckily found my son sitting in the front row of what looked like the lab. Like my old 8 year old self trying to pass a note all those years ago, I whispered Chase a few times which caught the attention of every student in the first third of the class and he met me in the hall to grab his book. I didn’t see this coming for my Monday morning. You just never know. How did your day start off? Hopefully less hectic than mine.

One Week Ends and Another Begins

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Another week is over and we are heading into a brand new one. Ask yourself, how am I feeling? Are you excited, stressed, looking forward to or stressing over the days to come? It’s good to check in with your internal compass. Is it pointing you ahead or is dragging you back or allowing you to be content right where you are? What do you do to mentally prepare for the start of a new week? Maybe it’s nothing at all.

Grape Stomping Afternoon

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What is more exciting than doing something new? I don’t even know how I came across it but I saw an advertisement for a Grape Stomp Festival at a local winery. I had no idea what to expect but decided it would be a good idea to check it out. It was exactly what one might expect, a large metal bun filled with grapes and loads of bare feet waiting to step in. I admit I was tempted to flip my shoes off myself and after a few minutes, I couldn’t resist. It felt soft and cool and squishy and to my surprise, very refreshing. We snapped a few photos just for proof, sampled some wine and after listening to one of my favorite old man bands, finally decided it was time to head home. If you’ve never put your feet in a tub of grapes, I suggest you put it on your bucket list. It really was kind of neat. Hope you enjoy the pictures and are having a great weekend.

When Things Go Wrong

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When some things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for the many more things that are still going right. -Annie Gottlier 

I’m going to give it a try, how about you? It’s so easy when something goes wrong to get a bad attitude and wallow in self pity. Focusing on the things that are going right can make what is going wrong seem much less bothersome. I was tested today. 

I am starving and everyone is losing weight in the house. We have been battling those nasty little pantry moths for a few weeks now. There is not a single thing in my pantry and still today, I saw a tiny worm crawling across the top of a drawer. I got the Clorox out and cleaned again the best I could. I have completely removed their food source except for a couple things I finally committed to throwing out today. It kills me to waste food but I am determined to get rid of these dispicable little creatures living in our food.The way I see it, I have a choice. I can wallow in the horrible way that tiny little worm made me feel or I can choose to focus on all the other wonderful things that happened this week for which I feel very grateful. I don’t know, tough choice. Which would you choose?