I posted yesterday about carrying guilt and the weight it places on each and everyone of us. I also suggested that most of my own guilt comes from my own haunting, obsessive thoughts. However, guilt can come from almost anywhere or from anybody and I am guessing this is true for many. We may think we know it all. We may think we have all the answers and that we know what’s best. We may even believe we are helping someone when it comes to guiding them with our insightful wisdom. The truth is not every answer is the solution to every problem for every person. We are all different and we have the right to choose for ourselves what we believe is the right choice when it comes to living our own lives. It’s not always beneficial to put in your two sense or to gently nudge someone in one direction or the other. If you shove someone in a direction they don’t want to travel, you ultimately cause them inner turmoil that eventually leads to guilt. That’s not fair to do to anyone else. It’s just not.
I bring this up because a new baby in the family brings up the real question of whether to breastfeed or not. Unfortunately, some of us are easier led by others and we lack the confidence to stand up for ourselves. Is breastfeeding a good thing? Sure, I won’t even try and argue but is it good for everyone? No. The answer is no. It’s not natural for everyone and if a woman feels her baby is not getting enough breast milk and wants to supplement with a bottle, then the hospital should lay off the pushy guilt trip and hand that mother a bottle. Many of us second guess every decision we make and why? Because too many people have opinions that drown out our own. Let people decide for themselves and respect whatever it is they decide. They deserve that kind of respect. We all do. What do you think?
I have discovered over the last few years that my reaction to what life throws at me shows me the real truth about my character. It’s so easy to see how crazy other people can act yet sometimes it’s impossible to see it in myself. It took a long time to recognize what bothered me about others, especially how they reacted to and handled particular situations was exactly what I was embarrassed about in myself. I am an over reactor by nature. I grew up that way and for years I have focused on undoing the straight jump to panic mode and doom and gloom. Believe me, I’m not quite there yet but I am much calmer and more collected than I used to be. Thank goodness I guess because this came in very handy last night when I discovered my rabbit Puff was not a female. I do not have two female bunnies after all but rather the unfortunate circumstance of having one of each. What can I possibly do now anyway? It’s much too late to worry about that now. The ongoing Facebook joke is my rabbits are no longer Cocoa and Puff, they are now Cocoa and Puff Daddy. Very funny. The jokes on me .
The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd – The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.Fernando Pessoa
Sad but true? What do you think?
Most people don’t need tough love.
They need love.
Most people don’t want criticism.
They want support.
Most people don’t want to be ripped down.
They want to be built up.
Most people don’t want to hear about you.
They want you to ask about them.
Something to think about today.
I don’t want to fight.
Really, I don’t!
I’m finding communication to be quite challenging lately. Why is it when I have a question for someone, they raise their boxing gloves? As a parent, I feel I have the right to ask questions to anyone who comes in contact with either one of my children. The last time I asked a simple question about the teaching style of a particular class, the teacher attacked me and became very defensive. Why ARE people so defensive?
Today, I got a call from the dental hygienist notifying me that Kayleigh missed her appointment. When I asked how she notified us of the appointment, her tone changed and the tackling began. In a very snotty tone she assured me that the reminder came to “this number”(my cellphone) and that someone confirmed the appointment. The truth is the text went to my husbands phone when I told the office a few months ago to make sure all appointment reminders come to me and only me. As she was searching for an available time to reschedule the cleaning I decided to tell her about Chases teeth. He got his braces off two weeks ago and I was sick inside when he smiled at me for the first time. All I could see were two silver fillings in his top, front, two teeth. When I told her this, she went straight to irate telling me this could not have happened in that office because they wouldn’t put silver fillings in the front of someone’s mouth. She went on and on and on. Was she insinuating that I was lying or that we went somewhere else to have work done and we were trying to pin it on their office? Shouldn’t she maybe have looked at his chart before lecturing me? I seriously couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Why does everything come down to confrontation? I just don’t get it. She was supposed to speak with the dentist and call me back but that was several hours ago. I’m almost to the point where I don’t want to interact with anyone. I can’t take anymore of it and I don’t want to be a whipping board for someone’s misplaced anger or insecurity.
I’m not sharing this to complain. I am hoping it will bring awareness to the way you speak to other people. Are you always ready for a fight? Do YOU feel attacked? Do you often take things personally more times than not? Is this only happening to me?
Take a breath. Calm down and know everything can’t possibly be all about you. You’re just not that important. None of us are. Sometimes a question is simply a question.
Guilt is the enemy. If I wrote down the list of things I feel guilty about in a week, I could fill an entire book. What is guilt exactly and where does it stem from?
This is how Wikipedia defines guilt:
Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse.
Back to the where does it stem from part. Only I make the choice to decide if something I say or do is beneath the standards I set for myself. The enemy is not guilt, the enemy is me and I need to replace that re-occurring wasteful thought with a healthier, more inspirational one. It’s so important to practice kindness and compassion and it’s easy for me to do when it comes to others. Why then, am I so darn hard on myself?
How about you? Do you feel guilt often? How do you handle those feelings when they come up?