You Write It Wednesday

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My husband and I were having a conversation last night about something we completely disagreed about. I will extend the question to you?

Do you think everyone you meet has good intentions?

Do you think some people have ill intentions and inflict them on you?

Do you think you perceive something as an ill intention when it may be innocent?

Your turn, GO 

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45 thoughts on “You Write It Wednesday

  1. I like to think that everyone I meet has good intentions, but that has left me with serious hurt in the past. I also give these people multiple chances until I have finally realized that….no, everyone does not have good intentions. I find it to be a very layered thing though….such as, people might think they have good intentions…but because they haven’t healed their hurt, they spread it. Reminds me of this quote “pain that is not transformed is transmitted” by Richard Rohr. Hope that all makes sense kinda 😊that’s my 2 cents!

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  2. Interesting post…Honestly, I believe not everyone who meets has good intentions. I never really thought that way but my perspective changed when I was doing my MBA…I noticed that many of the students only became friends with one another with certain motives in mind (like trying to get good grades in group assignments) I hope I make sense…so yeah I don’t think everyone has good intentions when they meet you but I also believe that sometimes as humans, we can misunderstand perfectly good intentions as well πŸ™‚

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  3. Just Plain Ol' Vic

    I know this sounds so bad but I tend to prepare (and expect) the worst and when it doesn’t happen, I am pleasantly surprised. However if the worst does happen, because I am prepared I can minimize the negative effects.

    I think with children, it is possible for them to do something they see as innocent and not understand the negative consequences of what they do or say. However when it comes to adults, ignorance is not bliss.

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  4. I expect people to be mostly trustworthy, but am also cautious. I think the majority of people have innocent intentions, but there is a small segment of people that have no respect for human life and we must be aware of this reality.

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  5. I used to think that everyone was “good”. But, I’ve learned that there are some real genuine “bad” people out there who don’t have good intentions. So, even though I believe that most people mean well toward others, not all do.

    As for the last question, I’ve had this happen to me on multiple occasions. I mean well and have only the best intentions, but get blamed for the complete opposite. It frustrates me to think that my caring for someone is seen as an attempt to hurt them in some way.

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    • I don’t know what the details of the situation(s) was/were, but parents are often in this position because they think controlling a situation is a means of showing how much they care while, usually, a child thinks they are being suffocated/sterilized, unable to learn from experience with the support and trust of their loved ones.

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      • I’d like to say it was a situation where children were involved, but unfortunately it was adults only. I try never to step on toes or get in the way of a person’s desires, but these instances were simply because of my asking if help was needed, offering a suggestion when confronted with issues, or even simply trying to offer a compliment. People can be complicated at times, but I’m slowly figured these people out.

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      • I have learned–unless directly asked–it doesn’t pay to offer advice or too many compliments. Online, I excuse myself by saying, “If you were not open to comments, you shouldn’t open that feature to the public.” In person, my mouth too often gets me going in an unpleasant direction with others. Yet, there are those who enjoy my input and/or company. But, especially with family, I have to just shut it and wait to be addressed unless I am completely ignored in a decision that affects me.

        I don’t think we can ever fully figure out too many people. Just like that saying about good, close friends. How many can you truly have? There are certain people I’d like to just sit with a lifetime and pick their brains.

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      • You’re a wise one. I agree with you. Unless our opinion or suggestions are requested, it is best to keep them to ourselves. This is something that I’ve had to learn, but I think that for the most part I’ve learned it. The part I struggle with is when it *does* personally effect me, but even then I’m learning that staying quiet is sometimes best. Just take a deep breath and hope for the best. I’ve never enjoyed conflict so I try my best to avoid it, but sometimes no matter how careful you are with someone, conflict is still inevitable.

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      • If I carry any wisdom, it has come with age more than experience, I guess.

        But, if we keep so many things to ourselves, we also do not learn anything other than what we are told. If you could ask the author of the book you read what they mean by something or if a chapter reflects their life in any way, you could learn so much more than just reading and having questions. As one once told me: There are no stupid questions other than those not asked. So, if we do not opine or question, we may store up unused thoughts and words in brains that need clarity to get things done. Why clutter them with words not used?

        When you say “For the most part, I’ve learned it,” I hear “I still make plenty of mistakes.” πŸ™‚

        I used to be the quiet kid, trying to do as I was told and behave. But, what did that get me? I was bullied, pushed around and brushed aside. I was sent to my corner to occupy myself and never developed much confidence in approaching or socializing with others. Is that healthy? Not really. I had to go through my darkest days to get mad enough to speak up. Now, sure, my mouth gets me in trouble. But, at least, when I feel the need to speak, I do my best to be heard…even if it comes with frustration or grief. You win some, you lose some. But, I am tired of being walked over/upon.

        I still think conflict can be avoided. But, it requires honing our skills like a blade to deflect a shot instead of engaging it.

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      • Once again I agree. It’s a learning process. When we learn how others operate, we can then learn how to better approach situations. This is something I have successfully learned with one specific person and it has completely changed our relationship. Being walked on is something that I used to…no, I do struggle with and that’s simply because of my wanting to avoid conflict. By doing so however, I lose respect from others and am viewed as a follower who needs instruction, rather than the leader I know I am on the inside. I don’t care for that and it’s something I need to change. Thank you for all of your advice here. I greatly appreciate it. Wow! We’ve really taken over this post, haven’t we? I hope she doesn’t mind.

        Liked by 1 person

      • As for the leader business, I am not so sure we ALL need to be leaders. I get a lil irate when company meetings pitch that “crap” and then expect you to follow orders without questioning anything. If everyone’s a leader, who’s following orders? It sounds like an escalator to nowhere telling people to be leaders.

        Maybe, depending upon who we work with, we can lead or we must follow. If we put ourselves down for being lousy leaders, aren’t we shooting ourselves in the foot? Thinking about where we fail instead of where we excel?

        I am not handing out advice as much as I am enjoying discussing the matter with you. Feel free to continue this in my Chat Cafe space or drop me an email, if interested.

        I think she enjoys this just a little because she likes observing others. πŸ™‚ But, yea, that’s why I made a Chat space of sorts.

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      • I’ll have to check out you Chat Cafe and I think you’re write. She probably does. It’s great to see interaction between others and observe the differences among them and their varying thought processes. You’re right – not everyone needs to be a leader. That’s one reason, among many, why we have so many issues today. Everyone wants to lead and show their superiority. No one wants to humble themselves and admit that someone else may have a better plan than them.

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      • That superiority complex trickles down from warring nations to warring coworkers and families. If we put our flags away, maybe we could stop being distracted by our pride or erroneous ambitions.

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  6. I lost my last comment…

    No, not everyone comes with good intentions, especially if they’re having a bad day or feel envious/lousy about some aspect of their/your life.

    Yes, sometimes, people could stab you intentionally with ill intentions, but they cannot expect or predict how you will react. They cannot force you to continue the chain reaction.

    Usually, when we are quite sensitive/suffering from something prior, one’s intentions can be mistaken as offensive when they are just the way some people kid (like punching a shoulder when saying something sarcastic).

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      • Are you sure that every harsh person who smiles is intentionally mean and not just using “tough love?”

        There are different types of fake smiles, too. I have rarely seen one as wicked as the one my mother and one childhood rival wear/wore. Others I have seen are those imp types that get excited or laugh when you do something abnormally furious or vulgar.

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      • I’m not around anyone who could offer me tough love. Remember I have lived away from family for almost 15 years now. The people I usually come up against are parents who share the same sports as my kids, coaches and teachers. I am sure, people are just mean. There are plenty who are wonderful but there will always be that handful who have nothing else to do but make others lives miserable

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      • I doubt that unless you’re a spoiled princess. Because, I imagine, it would have to be tough love that wears a nicer person down to fragile defenses. I think my mother is one who has become what she is from tough love but won’t admit to it. She has been beaten into responsible fashion by her parents and bosses, maybe, to the point she just recites protocols, much the same way my dad does. Whatever harsh things were said to her to get jobs done she carries over onto her kids when things get to her emotionally/mentally. A cyclical tough love.

        You live with YOUR branch of family, a husband and kids. And, surely, you interact with others, some who may be close friends or frequently appearing neighbors…who might interact with you in a tough love sort of way.

        No. I would rather not believe people are “just mean”…except, I have gone through some dark times in which I dealt with some nasty characters in human shells. But…I’d be more inclined to think they were not human like me than say some people are just mean or wicked.

        I am also inclined to think meanness comes from whatever has been dominating the person’s food supply. Hitler wasn’t born a monster. He was raised and fed to become one, pushed to the breaking point.

        I don’t like your last sentence. It sounds like a cop-out. And, it’s harsh to those who might just be struggling to be nice under their circumstances.

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      • You are welcome to your opinions. I am not a spoiled princess. I give and give and give. I am confined to a very small number of people. I’ve told you before I keep myself isolated, secluded. I’m not strong enough to go out there anymore. I’m safe at home. Unless you walk in my shoes, you will never know the whole picture. I do enjoy arguing with you though πŸ˜‰

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      • Okay, okay! Gee, I hit a nerve! Stop the molehill.

        So, tough love isn’t wearing you down? It’s just people being mean?

        Maybe too isolated. My isolation is taking a toll on me with age…

        Well, I don’t know what else to say or do for you. You’re not exactly Aurora Greenway, but you sound a bit like her. [I just watched Terms of Endearment for the first time last night.]

        Safe at home. You’re scaring me just a little. You sound as if you’re suffering from a case of agoraphobia.

        Yea, well, if you are enjoying arguing with me, that had better be tough love. Because only the wicked truly enjoy arguing. I take no pleasure in arguing other than a small desire to wrestle the pretty faces I argue with. Arguing with guys is rarely any fun. Arguing pushes toward exhaustion. And, I spent 11 years arguing with one small pest…and not one day that I can recall was a joy.

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      • When I said spoiled princess, I did not mean people wait on you hand and foot. I meant you could be locked away in a castle with those you keep closest to you guarding the perimeter. You are shielded from “the big, bad real world” by your entourage. I think some people manage to live like that. And, when some “cold jerk” slips through the defenses, it’s like a germ got into some sterile control facility; all the alarms go off. But, other than those rare instances, these people manage to go about their lives preaching all sorts of ways to live a happy life to the world in various forms of publication as if nothing bad ever crosses their path.

        Though even as I work this out of my head, I am questioning if I said it right.

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