Can You Help?


I need some help. I am really struggling with something so I thought I’d reach out and see if anyone has suggestions. I need to get my son the help he needs in school. The problem is, teachers are not being entirely honest because I am assuming they feel the need to protect themselves. I really do believe they think we are critiquing their ability to teach when we are struggling to understand Chases ability to learn. Here’s an example. When you look at his grades in algebra he has all b’s. This is a false representation of the truth because he has never gotten over a 67 on a test except for one which was a 77 after 10 points of extra credit. The teacher acted like she didn’t recall that and did not leave a note next to the grade indicating the 80 was a retake. Also, it was suggested by administrators that maybe Chase wasn’t putting in his best effort and we should expect him to get a b the first time. Otherwise, why bother trying when he can retake it. When he asked us why we thought he was capable the second time I explained when he does a retake, the teacher sits beside him and guides him through. She told me he does it all by himself and acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about. On the way to school, I asked him to tell me exactly what happens during a retake in math. He told me his teacher sits beside him and helps him through. When I asked if he ever took one in a seat away from her, he said no.

What do I do about that? How can I go up against people who do not care enough about a student to just tell it the way it is? How will we ever get what he needs if it appears he is doing just fine? I am devastated and in shock that someone would sit across a table and cover her own backside when she isn’t even on trial. It’s not about her. It is about helping him. Let me add that last year, his teacher used to send him home with a blank test because he couldn’t even do one problem independently  in class but I bet that isn’t on record anywhere either. And the nerve to pass it off as his lack of effort? I really need some advice. I am destroyed over this and this is just one example. I thought adults were honest. I thought I could trust teachers with the well being of my child and this is what we get? He deserves better. All our kids do.

31 thoughts on “Can You Help?

  1. Are you in the US? If so, request, rather demand, an IEP. Get all his teachers in the room and get everyone on the same page. Does he have a specific diagnosis? I know we had to do all sorts of outside evaluations to finally get a diagnosis, and once we did, modifications and concessions had to be made for his needs.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Keep raising hell. If need be, you can call an ARC meeting with district people. Don’t quit. Keep being the parent they dread seeing come through the door. Go to the principle, school board, etc. the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Some of teachers my son has had probably hate us. You know what? I don’t give a shit! We aren’t there to make friends. Go to the mats, fight like hell, never give in.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I’m trying bit the way they turn it on me is overwhelming. I’m a mess. I think I’m going to make some schedule changes as well to remove myself from the greatest part on the stress. I will continue to fight for what he deserves but it’s not easy. Amazing what you have to go through. So sad what they do to parents and kids. All because they won’t ever step up and be accountable. We don’t want to fight, we want to be partners working for the kid not against each other.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hope you don’t mind but Sonofabeach is my husband. He told me about your struggle -which mirrors ours. A 504 is a state school modification. Think of it as a legal contract. You can ask very directly to see documented proof of the school following your child’s modifications. They MUST document. They are required at the point of the 504 initiation. Do you have the school counselor on your side? Find them! Their job is to help you advocate. Does your child have outside therapies? They too can attend a 504 meeting. As a matter of fact you can bring ANYONE you want to your meetings! Pull rank and walk in with the regional or county special needs rep. Don’t announce it. I did. MY how things changed quickly…. See as a legal obligation they must accommodate. Once you get their attention – you request your child be given an independent test by counselor or school therapist with EXACT content given previously (that she claims he’s at a B level on) you can call -as the parent- as many ‘meetings’ as you deem necessary. They may comply so they don’t have to deal with you. MAKE them deal with you.
        Think of it in this way: My child has no voice without me. My child has potential and – By GOD- My child WILL be heard and accommodated. They are not used to parents that are tenacious enough to call “Bullshit” they are BANKING on you giving up. No more tears- GET PISSED. They are holding your child’s future hostage- Go take it back!!!! If you are not an A type personality- take one with you to meetings – that person that is blunt and no nonsense. Pull rank until you get to someone that understands that this school is going to be scrutinized if they don’t comply. In 10 years they won’t remember you or your kid- but the progress you make for your kiddo will pay off in spades in 10 years IF you fight now.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much for this. The counselor is the 504 coordinator and she can’t even return an email. She walked out in the middle of our 504 meeting. She had something more important to do. Your suggestion about having him redo those tests he got a B on is genius. I never would have thought of that. I did reach out to OCR and our district director. He has not responded back. I am talking to an advocate who is helping me through this. They really did a number on me. I know I have to fight for him. No one else will. One class doesn’t even have a book and the teacher won’t let us record his class or give us notes. They are playing games with the word notes. What they put on the board is an outline and the bulk of the information comes from his head. I appreciate you talking the time to be supportive. It’s unbelievable what you have to go through and how do they get away with it? Kudos to you for fighting the fight!

        Liked by 1 person

      • WE are fighting the fight. We…it’s a powerful word. If you break down- THEY WIN. Walk into that school during classroom hours- it is your parental right to “shadow” don’t leave without the title and author of that particular text book. Amazon carries them all- buy a used one then donate it back end of year if you get cooperation.
        On days when you don’t think you do? You log onto his blog and ask- I will hop on and tackle it with you- Two warrior Mamas are a force to be reckoned with.
        (I say all the time- be the woodpecker-over and over and over until results are evident)


      • She is kind…and compassionate and caring. But she’s capable of being a mama bear too! And don’t fuck with her cubs. She wanted me to tell you to find us anytime, if you have questions or need an ear. My email is on my about page I think. Otherwise, you know where to find me here. Be strong, y’all can do this. Just have stay diligent. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It sounds to me that the teacher is too proud to own up to her mistakes, especially in front of others. Maybe if you approach her alone, just the two of you, then she’ll be more apt to listen to your concerns and requests and possibly even admit her wrongs. Or maybe she won’t admit it, but that talk will still motivate her to change her ways.

    During a parent/teacher conference, one of my son’s teachers said that she would “correct” his bad grade the following day. Immediately, I told her no. If that’s his grade, then that’s his grade. I didn’t want her to lie about it. I don’t understand why teachers feel the need to do that, except for the fact that the school is rated off the grades of the children…


  3. koolaidmoms

    What is on his 504? Does it state that he gets assistance in taking tests? If you have not had an assessment for an IEP in awhile ask for another one. If they won’t do it you can get an outside assessment. It isn’t cheap and some may be covered by your insurance. Our son was going to go from an IEP to a 504 this year until we had an outside assessment and suddenly things changed. You can also request a meeting with the teacher, your child, and the principal. Sometimes our child’s perception of what the teacher is doing and what is actually happening in class can get mixed up and is she helping him or hurting him in what she is doing? Sit down with all parties and come to an agreement on how things will work going forward for the truest picture of what your child can do.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your situation is not unique, sadly. You must be his advocate and you can get help doing that. The advice already on this post probably has you pointed on the right direction. Keep us posted, so to speak.


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