Missing So Many Today

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I’m not really sure if I chose the right time to taper my depression medication. I am hoping by the time the holidays are over, I will be off of them for good. As I sit here quietly thinking about the family members who have passed away, I can’t help but shed a few tears. People come and go into our lives and they change us. Some for the better and others for worse but the ones we hold dearly never completely slip away.  Their lessons, their memory, their kind words and their smile live in very special part of our hearts. It seems like yesterday that I was a teenager sitting in a room full of relatives, surrounded by an amazing circle of love. It saddens me to know many of those special people haven’t been a part of my life in several years. Every Thanksgiving I allow myself to remember. I sit in the pain, in my loneliness and I quietly grieve for their loss. I also remind myself that life is so much shorten than we ever imagine and it is so important to make memories with the people I am still blessed to have a part of my life. My heart is so full knowing in three short days I will return to place I grew up. The house that built me will be standing strong with a faint memory of my grandmother standing in the window waiting for me to pull in the drive. I still feel her presence today. Take time to look around your table over this long weekend. Be grateful for every person, every day, every memory and for all the wonderful times that are still to come. Count your blessings. Count them a hundred times and allow that special love to fill your heart and tuck it away where you can pull it back out whenever you need it most. 

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27 thoughts on “Missing So Many Today

  1. I guess I am lucky the circles I remember were not so loving. At least, I was just a cute face among adults who had other business to discuss. I never really felt comfortable at family get-togethers. I remember those I’ve lost but don’t feel as strong of ties to them as I could have… Maybe for the best so I do not get anymore depressed than I already do.

    Thanksgiving is not a time for grieving those that are lost…unless you are Demeter weeping over her daughter Persephone…until Hermes returned the daughter to her mother to end the famine and rage. Demeter would want you to eat heartily and respectfully share her blessings with your fellow mortals. Stay healthy through the famine that is winter.

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    • The holidays always make me a little sad. I grew up with my grandparents living in the same house so we were so close. I am looking forward to some stuffing and mashed potatoes and Friday FINALLY I am flying back east to meet my new nephew. Happy times and many blessings. I also get to watch my 28 year old niece dance as Clara in the Nurcracker and my 4 year old niece is in it also. I am so excited I feel like I am going to burst πŸ™‚

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      • I barely saw/knew my grandparents…even though one survived the others for a long time. My nieces/nephews are so lucky in comparison. I miss aunts and uncles as much. And, they, too, I only met briefly on holidays/summer car trips. I’ve given more time to my nephews than I can remember getting from anyone except one aunt who I didn’t fully appreciate, mainly because she smoked.

        I thought in one post you say you are staying home with just the immediate family…so the traveling to Grandma’s/your birth home is later?

        I have not seen the Nurrrrcracker, yet. πŸ˜›

        Are you sure the excitement you’re feeling isn’t attributed to medication somehow? One moment yer down, and the next yer up high. Tie a string to one ankle and keep one foot on the ground.

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      • Thanksgiving here with my small crew and then traveling on Friday. I am almost positive that darn medicine was causing tinnitus and anxiety. I am also “up” because we have a few days off from school. Thank goodness. I need a break. I try and be a good aunt as well but it’s hard when you live so far away. I’m assuming you live near your nephews?

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      • What is tinnitus? Isn’t it funny how meds for improving mood can make the mood worse?

        I suppose in your case days off from school would make you do cartwheels. I was like that in high school, myself. As good of a student as I was, I never really felt comfortable in school for long. Not having any trustworthy friends was a pain. I had no sympathy. No study group.

        Yes, I look after the boys, now.

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      • Tinnitus is ringing in the ears but it was getting so load I was having panic attacks at night when it was really quiet. I thought mine was permanent but I went cold turkey for a few days on the meds and that’s when the anxiety went a way and the ringing became more quiet. Thank goodness. I really thought I would never feel normal again but slowly I am feeling more like myself. I may do a cartwheel in your honor tonight πŸ™‚

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      • Ah, yes, I have had those tense moments when stress rings in the ears…usually on days when the house gets flooded.

        You stopped taking meds and the problems went away? Take that, you faulty medical corporation! She doesn’t need you!

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