I had a hunch that the cell phone was the source of my anxiety and today I can confirm. I have vowed to be calmer and less stressed as I dive into this glorious new year. I can honestly say that the source of my panic earlier months was messages from my son at school. I have switched his classes and put the responsibility on his shoulders to take care of things on his own at school and this first week back to school, I have decided to sleep in and take care of my own psyche. I’m never going back to last year. EVER! No more palpitations. No more panic attacks. No more feeling like I cannot breathe. No more shaking so violently that I cannot type a single word on my phone. No more feeling guilty for doing whatever it takes to make myself well even if that means doing nothing at all.
I admit, when I do turn on my phone, I have to take deep breaths while I wait to see how many messages I have waiting to read. Today was no exception. The first message I read was SOS. The second was I have chest pain. And the third, help! I think I’m dying. So, believe it or not I am sitting here in urgent care with my daughter still remarkably calm. I have found a way to wait for the right answers rather than formatting my own wrong, stress inducing false ones. I am healing and I am grateful. Now we wait and I pray it is a torn muscle. If not, I, we will deal with the facts as they come. It’s a new year. I am calm, I am confident and I am strong. Yep. It’s a new year.