Since the post from my friend at Dream Big, Dream Often earlier was about being honest and accountable, I guess it’s now my turn to come clean. Once a week, I do a post on one of my own self destructive behaviors. Self sabotage comes in many forms. Once I get a handle on one problem, I recreate another. It’s almost like I am addicted to having something to work on and fix. It’s been an amazingly stressful week. The good news though is I am handling it like a professional. No palpitations, no woe is me, no panic attacks. The bad news is, I am binging again. The more I try to stop, the more obsessed I become with eating. I guess it’s true that we replace one addiction with another. So which do I choose? My addiction to stress or my addiction to food? Either one will end up killing me eventually so maybe I should flip a coin.
Chase had a dentist appointment today and I drove through Taco Bell on the way back to school. I never eat Taco Bell and what do I do? Order him 2 tacos and me a chicken chalupa. I got home and immediately coordinated a search and rescue mission for any chocolate that might be hidden someplace in the house. That’s how it works. It’s a cycle, a chain of unfortunate events that goes around and around until I gain a ton of weight or gain control. I eat one bad thing that leads to another and another until I go to bed at night feeling bloated, sick and disgusted. Then I wake up and do it all again.
I am hoping putting it out there to the world will help me stay accountable. I actually looked up the calories in a chalupa and I haven’t blown anything today at all, at least not yet. So I’m going to do my best to stay within my caloric limit and crawl into bed feeling happy and proud. It takes a village to do many things. Encouraging and supporting people should be one of them. I really do want some chocolate though. Thank goodness I didn’t find any.