When the truth fits, you have no choice but to wear it no matter how it feels. When it comes to clothes, we can pick and choose what feels good on us. If something looks great, we wear it often and wear it proudly. Life though doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes we have to wear the most uncomfortable thing imaginable day after day after day, no matter how much we yearn to take it off. We must learn to be comfortable in something that may even hurt us.
45 will embrace me in a few months. There are so many things that I have loved about my 40’s. These years have been like a comfortable, soft, cozy sweatshirt. I know who I am now yet I am open to changing everyday. I am proud of who I am and content with my life exactly how it is. There’s only one thing that haunts me. The truth hit me right in the heart and I’ve been silently suffering in pain ever since. That life I love so much is about to change and I can’t help but wonder, am I ready for it? I don’t think I could ever be ready for something like this. That big, cozy sweater is unraveling string by string and I am naked and exposed to what is underneath. A big sense of who I am and what I consider my life is about to come crashing down. Like it or not, I am entering a time in my life where the inevitability of losing both my children and possibly my parents is not too far away. No wonder I can’t sleep at night. No wonder I am battling depression and feeling moments of anxiety and panic. If I didn’t, what kind of person would I be?
They say you can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge so even as I type these words, I feel a sense of relief. I have unscrewed the lid just enough to allow the pressure and air to slip out to survive another day with a peaceful heart and a gracious smile.
Can I change the future? No I can’t but I also can’t ruin the present by focusing only on what’s ahead. I must embrace, more than ever before, the blessings in my life right here and now. What do you think? Will you join me?