The Double Standard


Double standards make me crazy. How in the world is it possible to expect more from everyone else than we do ourselves?

I was in Target the other day walking out behind a young mother and her 2 year old son. She had just given him a lollipop and kept repeating over and over, “say thank you!” The boy continued to suck on his pop and and when he ignored her request, she smacked him pretty hard on the backside. So, you want your child to be courteous and polite yet when he doesn’t do what you want him to do, you spank him? Imagine what happens next time that child wants a drink and that mother doesn’t get it for him. Will he hit her the way she hit him? Who knows. 

We have to model for our children who we want them to become. The hard part is not acting out of anger in a way we never want our kids to do. This just happened to me the other day. My son had a take home test in Spanish. All the kids had failed yet another test in another class and guess who was left to pick up the pieces? I lost it! I was horrible and I am still angry with myself and my choice of words. I wasn’t really angry at him but he took the brunt of it. I was angry that there was another class I now had to become the teacher for. I try to teach him to be understanding and patient and then he watches as I completely freak out on him because he cannot answer the questions on a silly exam. I can’t even imagine how that made him feel about himself. He is already struggling and I make him feel even more guilty than he already does. 

It’s tough to be a decent human being through every thought and every mood. How we act when things are not going our way tells a great deal about us. It is in those difficult moments that we discover how human we really are. The fact is that there is no excuse for bad behavior. When you know right from wrong, it’s necessary to hold yourself to a higher standard. Treat people with compassion and respect. They are not your whipping board or a sponge to soak up your frustration. They are people with feelings too and they deserve your respect. I guess today I will try again and hope I do better than yesterday. Admitting a problem is the first step in fixing it. What are you willing to admit today?

16 thoughts on “The Double Standard

  1. I will admit that I get pretty angry sometimes and lash out at people. I get way too consumed in my emotions. I have A LOT to work on with that and it is overwhelming but something that I know needs to be worked on if I want to be happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is dead-on. By everything you set an example. There’s even a chemical reaction when we see someone do something – we imitate what goes on in their body. You cannot teach people by telling them things or standardized testing. You can only teach them by being what you want them to learn and to become.

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  3. With my four sons, I deal with this every day. It’s especially difficult for me to stay calm with the oldest one (18 years old). He scored in the 97-98th percentile in math and language in TAG tests at elementary school. Now he is about to graduate from the high school. He managed to fail a couple of history and English classes and have to retake them again. He claims he is UNABLE to write essays in English… How can this be? He sits all day at the computer. Refuses to help his mom with chores claiming that he is “doing his homework”. Then, when I come home in the evening and ask him to show what he has written, he can’t show a single sentence! “What have you been doing all day?” “I was *trying* to write.” “How come that you have not written a SINGLE sentence?..”

    Would you call this “struggling” or “lying”? I can understand “struggling” when I see him making an effort, writing, at least, something, even poorly. My logic is simple. If he is “trying to write” the essay, there should be *some* traces of this activity — notes, thoughts, ideas, plans, drafts, bookmarks. If there is NONE of that, chances are, there was no “trying to write”. Most likely, instead of making the effort, he gives up and, probably, browses the Internet for the whole day and then lies about it to me and my wife, presenting his lack of effort as “struggling”. Am I wrong to “hurt his self-esteem” calling him a liar? Should I rather let him make fools of his parents?

    I can understand bad grades after making lots of effort. I cannot understand a failure without hard work. It’s not the failure itself that makes me so angry. It’s the lack of effort and the lies. Then, of course, he says that he lies because I’m being too harsh with him and he can’t write when he is being pushed so hard. MY fault again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh boy can I relate. My son doesn’t take notes, ever. What the hell can you study with no notes? Then I ask if there’s homework and he says no. Granted he works from the time he gets home until he goes to bed always catching up because everytime I turn around there is another assignment missing or one five that have to be redone. I have thrown out the liar word myself lately. I just can’t understand kids today. Part of me feels like screaming, if you don’t want to do work every night all night long, do the stinking work faster. It’s really taking a toll on me 😦


      • I’m completely with you. There was a term when my son was behind in almost every class and heading for a couple of “F”s and a few “C”‘s by the end of the term. Then, during the last week of the term, he completed assignments for the last 2 or 3 months of the term in THREE F*&#ING DAYS(!!!) and ended up with A’s in all classes, except one. Was it worth 3 months of stress for the whole family? How am I supposed to sympathize with his “inability” to complete work after that?

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Just Plain Ol' Vic

    I could SOOOOOO go on a tangent and talk about double standards and how they exist everywhere in society today. It is a Monday though, so I will refrain, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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