I have an irrational fear of spiders. It started when I was very young and continues to this day. As a young girl, I remember my brother chasing me with a dead spider while I was yelling and crying. I knew it was dead but the thought of that thing coming close to my skin was too much to imagine.
Today I was floating in the pool and looked up just in time to see a spider climbing on my float. I screamed and carried on like I was being attacked until I made my way out of the pool and scooped it up into the net.
I was just cozying up on my chair once again when out of the corner of my eye I saw it there, head bobbing above the water trying to get out. Only this time it wasn’t a spider. Nope, this time a snake! Absolute panic overtook me at that moment of terror as I once again worked me way out of the pool. Funny thing is, that spider doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore but you can bet I won’t be going out there anytime soon.
There is a very good reason parents are not meant to have a baby during middle age. The older I get, the more I actually sleep because I need to and not because it’s something I’ve been conditioned to do.Before you jump to any conclusions, I am not planning on having another baby. Now that my kids are older and don’t need me much anymore, I have been feeling a gaping hole in my heart only to be filled by feeling loved and needed once again.
I don’t have any idea why I even let myself do it but when my daughter told me a friend was giving away free kittens, some gravitational pull dragged my car in the exact location of those sweet little creatures and I just couldn’t help myself. I spent all night with her next to me in bed watching her like a protective mom should do and today I am totally exhausted. Yes I swore I would never bring another animal into this house but I guess in my older age, I am becoming a softy. So this is our new addition, who by the way, still doesn’t have a name. Any suggestions? Right now, we call her puppy.
In a world where we have grown accustomed to everything being instantaneous, life teaches us to be patient. I remember the first time I let an older boy drive my daughter home from a football game. It seems like yesterday I was standing in the window, face glued to the glass praying I would see the car pull into the driveway. I’ve waited for test results and 9 months to pass so I could finally hold the little creature that had been occupying space inside my stomach. I’ve waited for news while a loved one was sick or going through a procedure that seemed to take forever.
There are so many things we cannot control and several that happen in their own time. All I can do is count my breaths as the time slowly creeps on by. Today is one of those days so once again I close my eyes, pray and wait. What is one time that you had no choice but to learn to be patient?
Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.
When I first started blogging I became addicted to expressing myself. The freedom to be completely, unapologetically me became like a drug I couldn’t get enough of. Then I started to pay attention to stats and I felt this insatiable need to reach so many views each and everyday. Blogging wasn’t as interesting or fun anymore. It became a competition with myself to maintain a number that at the end of the day, didn’t really mean a thing.
The remedy was simple. I went cold turkey from blogging for awhile and now I only post when I really feel like jotting something down. I don’t want to lose the fun and gratification by getting lost in silly goals. Why the need for competition at all? Maybe it just makes sense to write what and when I simply want to.
How about you? Is blogging more work or play?
Everytime I hear news about the passing of another friend, I am reminded about how fragile life really is. I think I have so much time but the truth is I waste so much of it on silly nonsense. Like everyone else, I allow myself to become engulfed by the things that I have no control over and those things take away what is most precious and valuable, my time. On a day like today when the sobering truth is staring me in the face, I don’t care about who the next president will be or what latest news headline is causing dissent among my people. I care about those moments I feel energized and alive. I think about those times I take a good, deep breath and am grateful for exactly where I am. I can’t help and wonder if many of us get this thing called life so very wrong. We get one dance around the sun. I don’t want to race around. I want to take it slowly and enjoy every step and person I meet along the way. The problem is most are so busy rushing around they don’t even see me there. Today, throw your hands in the air and shake your hips until the smile is plastered on your face. Have fun, be in the moment and dance.
You simply have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead.