I have an irrational fear of spiders. It started when I was very young and continues to this day. As a young girl, I remember my brother chasing me with a dead spider while I was yelling and crying. I knew it was dead but the thought of that thing coming close to my skin was too much to imagine.
Today I was floating in the pool and looked up just in time to see a spider climbing on my float. I screamed and carried on like I was being attacked until I made my way out of the pool and scooped it up into the net.
I was just cozying up on my chair once again when out of the corner of my eye I saw it there, head bobbing above the water trying to get out. Only this time it wasn’t a spider. Nope, this time a snake! Absolute panic overtook me at that moment of terror as I once again worked me way out of the pool. Funny thing is, that spider doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore but you can bet I won’t be going out there anytime soon.
There is a very good reason parents are not meant to have a baby during middle age. The older I get, the more I actually sleep because I need to and not because it’s something I’ve been conditioned to do.Before you jump to any conclusions, I am not planning on having another baby. Now that my kids are older and don’t need me much anymore, I have been feeling a gaping hole in my heart only to be filled by feeling loved and needed once again.
I don’t have any idea why I even let myself do it but when my daughter told me a friend was giving away free kittens, some gravitational pull dragged my car in the exact location of those sweet little creatures and I just couldn’t help myself. I spent all night with her next to me in bed watching her like a protective mom should do and today I am totally exhausted. Yes I swore I would never bring another animal into this house but I guess in my older age, I am becoming a softy. So this is our new addition, who by the way, still doesn’t have a name. Any suggestions? Right now, we call her puppy.
In a world where we have grown accustomed to everything being instantaneous, life teaches us to be patient. I remember the first time I let an older boy drive my daughter home from a football game. It seems like yesterday I was standing in the window, face glued to the glass praying I would see the car pull into the driveway. I’ve waited for test results and 9 months to pass so I could finally hold the little creature that had been occupying space inside my stomach. I’ve waited for news while a loved one was sick or going through a procedure that seemed to take forever.
There are so many things we cannot control and several that happen in their own time. All I can do is count my breaths as the time slowly creeps on by. Today is one of those days so once again I close my eyes, pray and wait. What is one time that you had no choice but to learn to be patient?
Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.
When I first started blogging I became addicted to expressing myself. The freedom to be completely, unapologetically me became like a drug I couldn’t get enough of. Then I started to pay attention to stats and I felt this insatiable need to reach so many views each and everyday. Blogging wasn’t as interesting or fun anymore. It became a competition with myself to maintain a number that at the end of the day, didn’t really mean a thing.
The remedy was simple. I went cold turkey from blogging for awhile and now I only post when I really feel like jotting something down. I don’t want to lose the fun and gratification by getting lost in silly goals. Why the need for competition at all? Maybe it just makes sense to write what and when I simply want to.
How about you? Is blogging more work or play?
Everytime I hear news about the passing of another friend, I am reminded about how fragile life really is. I think I have so much time but the truth is I waste so much of it on silly nonsense. Like everyone else, I allow myself to become engulfed by the things that I have no control over and those things take away what is most precious and valuable, my time. On a day like today when the sobering truth is staring me in the face, I don’t care about who the next president will be or what latest news headline is causing dissent among my people. I care about those moments I feel energized and alive. I think about those times I take a good, deep breath and am grateful for exactly where I am. I can’t help and wonder if many of us get this thing called life so very wrong. We get one dance around the sun. I don’t want to race around. I want to take it slowly and enjoy every step and person I meet along the way. The problem is most are so busy rushing around they don’t even see me there. Today, throw your hands in the air and shake your hips until the smile is plastered on your face. Have fun, be in the moment and dance.
You simply have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead.
Am I living the life I want? Am I living in a way that leads to a feeling of happiness or do I choose behaviors that lead to guilt and frustration? Why is it that some people reach their goals and others can’t even close to touching them?
I realized today that the hardest but most beneficial thing I could do is be honest with myself. How am I sabatoging my own dreams? What am I doing that keeps them from becoming a reality? The truth? I am lazy. And who allows me to be that way? That little person inside my head called thought.
I realize today that my brain, my thoughts are a horse. I can either let that horse run wild or I can strap on a saddle and hold onto those reigns. I have to lead my own animal and where and how I lead it decides if I will be my own best friend or my own horrific enemy. So today, I met a small goal. I made small strides in the right direction instead of being stuck in the thinking stage. I’ve been stuck there for years and now it’s time to move my feet and the view is amazing.
Today, tell yourself, I am in change of my own life and I can achieve anything Point out what’s right with yourself instead of obsessing about what is wrong. There’s enough of that all around us and we don’t need to inflict it on ourselves. Let’s try some positive talk today and maybe spread some around. The world can use so much more of that.
If I had a dollar for everytime I had to do something I didn’t want to do, I would be a millionaire. With parenting comes many responsibilities that take many hours of long work. Sometimes trying to get my kids to do anything is like running head first into a brick wall after already breaking my own neck. Why does it have to be this difficult? Kids question everything these days and they challenge their parents every chance they get. I’ve recognized that it’s just impossible to be their friend and their mother as we all suffer our way through these tumultuous teenage years.
If I’m being completely honest, I must admit that I am, for the most part to blame. They wear me down and I just don’t have the energy or motivation to stay on top of them the way I know I should. I wouldn’t dare disrespect my mother. If she told me to get something done, like it or not, I would get it done. My kids believe they can pick and choose what to do and when to do it because their own needs and rights trump the rights of their parents. The world is out of control and my kids are spiraling right along with it. The selfishness, disrespect for others and lack of concern for anyone but themselves leaves me feeling like I have failed as a parent. I try my best to be an example but I cannot force them or anyone else to follow it. Some days are just so much harder than others and some days I let things get to me more than I should. I guess today is one of those days.
I read an article recently where the writer challenged the readers to follow these simple words. Only love today. That will be my mantra as I pick and choose what I will hold onto and what I will let blow right through. These are some steps you can take today to turn this concept into reality.
1) Don’t join any argument you are invited to. Simply move on and spend your time on something worthwhile.
2) Pass over negative comments and posts on social media and limit the time you spend there.
3) Just for today,turn off the news.
4) Think of at least one thing you can do today to make a positive difference for each person in your house.
5) Speak and think only loving thoughts. Keep the rest to yourself.
6) Look for flowers, not the weeds. It’s easy to notice things that are wrong about people, today look for the things that are right.
7) Repeat this mantra at least once an hour.
8) Believe that your attitude and behavior can change the world for the better.
9) Don’t react. Use your head and respond respectfully.
10) Be patient with yourself. Change doesn’t come overnight.
Only love today and that includes how you think about and treat yourself.
Who’s in? Be the change.