Breaking News!

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I’m not one for making excuses for people, really I’m not. I think it’s important each and everyone of us takes responsibility for our lives including our words and actions. On the other hand, I have learned first hand that the story line that starts out as truth can easily be tweaked and edited to fit the readers agenda. The reader can then retell the story changing the most important part, the truth. I read something on Facebook today. It went something like this. 

Don’t judge others.

               You’re not perfect!

The words just jumped off the page and grabbed me by the head and shook it violently until I acknowledged the truth. How do I or anyone else for that matter, believe we are in any position to judge anyone else? The truth gets lost somewhere in gossiping the details. Remember when we were kids and we played the game telephone? We all repeated the same thing right, exactly what we heard. Only the end result was much different than the starting remark. Don’t fall victim to nonsense. I’ve seen my own story be rewritten to twist my heroism until I looked like the villain. People get it wrong because some people purposely tell the story wrong. Use your own mind. Do your own research and ask yourself, does this even make any sense? Come on people, you have to be smarter than the latest headline.

Empty Promises

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Commitments are so hard to keep these days. I start out with the best of intentions but my laziness and defeating self talk often stand in the way of any completion. 44 days ago I made the decision to focus less on my weight and more on becoming stronger and fitter. I took a 15 day challenge followed by a 30 day challenge and tomorrow will be 45 days of creating a stronger, better, more confident me. The more I commit to my own goals, the better I feel about myself every day. I started at a low point. I was in pain, had little motivation and believed I would never see the results I wanted to achieve. Tomorrow one challenge ends and the next one begins. My new mindset is to stop focusing on the end result. Stop comparing who I am today to who I want to be. Change occurs slowly and takes dedication and devotion every single day. Before you know it, one day turns into one week and one week into one month. My new motto is strong and steady. I will get there and every day I am one step closer. One day at a time I am learning discipline. I am retraining my brain to speak a new language. You can do this. You are strong. You are doing this. Keep on going. It really is mind over matter but it doesn’t happen over night. Sometimes you have to be your own life coach because after all, no one is more affected by your own choices than you are. Use affirmations and encouraging words and when you finally do picture yourself at the finish line, you will be there smiling.

Please Tell Me This is Just a Horrible Dream

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I am starting to feel ill watching the darkness that has settled over my country during this election process. I am amazed at how we will lay down our life and our own relationships to defend a candidate that we believe we know everything about yet we have never even met. How could we choose a stranger over our own flesh and blood or destroy friendships that have survived for years over the choice of a candidate or differences in opinion when it comes to politics? Times have shown that we value our opinions and political affiliation over the people in our lives. I find it sad and disturbing but who am I? We have become a people who love to tell others they are wrong. We have become internet bullies waiting and lurking to use our freedom of speech to degrade someone or tell them their opinions are wrong. Who do we think we are that we assume we know more than somebody else? And what kind of monsters have we become that we will fight til the death to get in the last chide comment or nasty, know-it-all word?

Frankly, I have had enough. I never thought I would live in a time where we go out of our way to say an unkind word and tear others down. I never dreamed I would live in an era of dissension, disrespect, and verbal war. I never thought I would see people grow so big that they are bursting out of their own skin. Please tell me this is just a horrible dream. I can’t seem to wake myself up.

Why Are We So Out of Control?

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I can’t help wonder why so many people are out of control. I spent a week at the beach and the acting out I witnessed actually took me by surprise. It seems there is a population of ticking time bombs always on the verge of exploding all over anyone that slightly inconveniences them. It’s scary how instantaneously people react these days with little or no regard for the turmoil they leave in the path behind them. It’s not only disheartening but embarrassing to watch. Slowly and surely, many of us are losing self control. Whether it’s eating, lashing out or whatever else, we no longer limit what we should. We don’t think before we speak, we don’t consider the tone of the voice we are directing at a fellow human being and we have no remorse over the hurtful and critical things that come out of our mouths. 

I say be better! Be bigger than the smallness attacking us from every angle. Be an example in a world full of lost souls. Be a soft voice among the loud, angry tone. Be sympathetic in a world filled with blame. Be complimentary among the criticism and most importantly, be kind in a world that has become self absorbed. It only takes one person at a time to make a slow and steady difference. I hope you will join me.

I Choose Love

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As I leave each mile marker behind me, I am reminded of the people I am leaving behind. I always love a visit home but every mile I travel away, is a little more my heart starts to ache. I’ve lived away for many years but returning twice a year has always been a priority that I hope I have instilled in my own kids. I have taught them family first. I remember when I first landed 15 days ago. I was in awe at the beautiful shades of green and the mountains on all sides of me. When I lived here many years ago, I think I stopped noticing how beautiful this place was that I had the fortune of growing up in. Now that I live in Oklahoma and the world is flat and the trees are low, I miss the beautiful state of New Jersey more than ever. I wonder if the same thing happens with family as well. I think when you grow up your entire life with family around you, you start to take them for granted. You stop realizing the importance of the people who can be there in a moments notice. It happens very slowly at first until the people we claim to love become a nuisance and annoyance to us. We stop noticing how beautiful family really is. Not to me. It hurts to watch it happening when I want so much to have someone in arms reach when the rest of the world seems scary and my loneliness becomes the only friend I have. It hurts when you make people a priority and my heart breaks when that same enthusiasm is not returned. It hurts to love people. It hurts to watch people wrapped up in things that just don’t matter. 

Today, as I ride on this bus I am grateful that I have a place to call home. I am grateful for the little moments that I bottle in my heart until I can return. I close my eyes and I see the sweet smile on my nephews face and hear the silly giggle of my sister in law and the joy on my brothers face as he watches his baby boy. As I think of the tears in my mothers eyes as she pulled away, my own cheeks feel the sting of tears. It’s hard loving people and it’s hard letting them go to get on to more of the silly stuff that doesn’t matter. You either get it or you don’t. You love or you don’t. You make family a priority or you don’t. You always have a choice. I choose love.

I Choose Love

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As I leave each mile marker behind me, I am reminded of the people I am leaving behind. I always love a visit home but every mile I travel away, is a little more my heart starts to ache. I’ve lived away for many years but returning twice a year has always been a priority that I hope I have instilled in my own kids. I have taught them family first. I remember when I first landed 15 days ago. I was in awe at the beautiful shades of green and the mountains on all sides of me. When I lived here many years ago, I think I stopped noticing how beautiful this place was that I had the fortune of growing up in. Now that I live in Oklahoma and the world is flat and the trees are low, I miss the beautiful state of New Jersey more than ever. I wonder if the same thing happens with family as well. I think when you grow up your entire life with family around you, you start to take them for granted. You stop realizing the importance of the people who can be there in a moments notice. It happens very slowly at first until the people we claim to love become a nuisance and annoyance to us. We stop noticing how beautiful family really is. Not to me. It hurts to watch it happening when I want so much to have someone in arms reach when the rest of the world seems scary and my loneliness becomes the only friend I have. It hurts when you make people a priority and my heart breaks when that same enthusiasm is not returned. It hurts to love people. It hurts to watch people wrapped up in things that just don’t matter. 

Today, as I ride on this bus I am grateful that I have a place to call home. I am grateful for the little moments that I bottle in my heart until I can return. I close my eyes and I see the sweet smile on my nephews face and hear the silly giggle of my sister in law and the joy on my brothers face as he watches his baby boy. As I think of the tears in my mothers eyes as she pulled away, my own cheeks feel the sting of tears. It’s hard loving people and it’s hard letting them go to get on to more of the silly stuff that doesn’t matter. You either get it or you don’t. You love or you don’t. You make family a priority or you don’t. You always have a choice. I choose love.

An Eye For an Eye

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We pile people into boxes. We sort and divide a few of them in our mind and then we stuff everyone like them in the same place, labeling them with out sharpie pen. We write labels like black, white, racist, cop, democrat, republican. People are more complex then the superficial label we put on them. We have to stop looking at one small part of them and and assume that is all they are. We also have to stop identifying ohrselves as this or that. We are all individuals. Our thoughts, our experiences and our actions separate us from everyone else. This anger, this tit for tat and eye for an eye mentality is poisoning humanity one person at a time. Right has to start here. Right now. We can’t go back and right every wrong but we can sure as hell stop another one from happening. We have to stand together, side by side, hand in hand but our anger keeps us worlds apart. Anger breeds hate and hate breeds pain. What more is there to say? How many more years can we survive as what we are slowly becoming? How do we change it? How do we stop the madness? Do not become part of the problem. Be an example of peace, forgiveness, love. Don’t make excuses for anyone in any situation at any level. Right has to be right and wrong has to be punished every single time. Whether you are the Secretary of State, a police officer or a common criminal, wrong has to be treated as wrong and we need to make an example of wrong by punishing actions every single time. No exceptions. No get out of jail free card no matter who you are, what job you hold or the color of your skin. No giving a pass because of something in the past that was handled wrong or a situation that wasn’t handled at all. Can we do that? Will we do that? It doesn’t seem so at this point in time. I don’t think we want it bad enough. We are more focused on power and retribution than we are making this world a better place. It starts with you and me. One person, one day at a time, one decision at a time.

When To Walk Away

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There are two different types of people when it comes to emotional pain. Imagine being cut with a piece of glass. Most people would pull the glass out, clean the wound and move on. That second group though picks the piece of glass out of the freshly cut scar and then runs that glass over the rest of their body. They cut and cut and grip that glass so firmly that even the strongest man couldn’t pry it from their hand. They make the choice to hold onto the very thing that caused their pain thinking in the end they may become strong enough to withstand the damage and maybe even become immune to it. 

Relationships are fragile like glass. Once they start to break, the shards become so deep and embedded that they become a part of who we are. What happens when we get to the point that we don’t know where the glass ends and where we begin? Why do we choose to hold onto the pain and prolong it even longer? Why can’t we see that the only chance of ever being truly happy is by putting that glass down and walking away. We can’t hold onto something that is so broken beyond repair no matter how much we pretend it’s just a little cracked. There comes a point when it’s done and over and grasping at it with a death grip only leads to our own demise.

I watch so many people I deeply care about stay in relationships that cause them nothing but pain. They say they stay for some legitimate reason but the truth is they hold onto a glimmer of hope that one day the person who broke their spirit and shattered their confidence will somehow put them back together so they can feel whole again. Sometimes we need to love ourselves enough to walk away with the small amount of dignity we have left before anymore time slips away. I say put down what’s broken. Leave it behind and don’t look back. Get far enough away so the healing can start to take place. The tighter you hold onto whatever is destroying you, the more you help destroy what is left of yourself.