Seriously, when did this become our new national anthem? Can anyone say anything anymore without saying, doing or posting something to offend someone? Have we really become so overly sensitive that writing Trump on a college sidewalk drives our students straight to a therapist? I was reminded today of a very special aunt who was a large part of raising me. She used to say something back then that I didn’t understand at the time but I sure do appreciate now. Whenever we became upset or angry she would tell us to “scratch our mad spot”. Little did she know that we would end up living in a time where everyone was angry and offended all the time. Her lesson was simple. Move on. Get over it. Grow up. I miss her so much these days. We need more people like her.
This week I have been a body of calm. I used to be the kind of person who would wait for the ball to drop. I would be certain that the calm wasn’t a constant state but instead a temporary distraction before the tumultuous storm that was out there lurking, about to hit. I would waste that feeling of serenity anticipating the rock blocking off the middle of my path once again leaving me stuck and helpless with nowhere left to turn.
Lately I’ve realized that my place of calm is permanent. It is a place inside me where I can go when everything around me seems to be spinning out of control. I’ve spent years trying to find that little island that was inside of me all along. I can’t find it in yoga or meditation, in Hawaii or on a beach in France. That calm is me. It’s the quiet place of confidence and strength that is there to remind me that I have everything I need to get me through. It is my greatest weapon, my biggest strength. It is my rock, my home, my heart, my soul.
I often find my mind judging the people I love the most. I have this idea of who I think they should be and when they come up short my disappointment shows. I have a new mantra that I repeat to myself every day throughout the day.
Today I will accept and love people exactly as they are. I will not try and mold them into who I want them to be. I will appreciate their unique mind, body and spirit and trust they are exactly who they are meant to be.
Sometimes you have to admit to yourself some realizations that aren’t very pretty. This year I am committed to getting real with myself even when it hurts so I can continue to my own growth and development.
I’m going to enjoy every second, and I’m going to know I’m enjoying it while I’m enjoying it. Most people don’t live; they just race. They are trying to reach some goal far away on the horizon, and in the heat of the going they get so breathless and panting that they lose sight of the beautiful, tranquil country they are passing through; and then the first thing they know, they are old and worn out, and it doesn’t make any difference whether they’ve reached the goal or not.
Sometimes you have to have the courage to step on the scale. How in the world could you possibly know if you are reaching your goals if you don’t take the opportunity to be honest with yourself about how your doing? It’s easy to wander around aimlessly claiming to strive for a specific end result but if we don’t evaluate the steps we are taking to get there, wandering around is all we may ever achieve. Which brings me back to why I stepped on the scale in the first place.
I have been doing workout challenges for two months now. I went from basically laying on the couch to working out hard for short increments every single day. I feel great. My body has changed and more importantly my mind has transformed. I feel strong and confident and committed until I stepped on the scale. All that hard work disappeared in one short moment. That could have been it for me. That could have been the moment in time I allowed myself the excuse to duck out and quit. Guess what? That’s not happening. Instead, I was able to get real with myself and admit the truth. Yes I have been working out consistently hard but guess what? I have been eating consistently hard as well. So today I am committing myself to both working out and maintaining healthy eating. I have been very successful in both but never at the same time. So, my new challenge is to put it all together and get the best results I have ever seen.
The lesson here is to check in with yourself. Whether it’s weight related or any other type of goal. Make sure the steps you are taking will put you on the path that will lead to you successfully achieving your goal.
It’s the children the world almost breaks who grow up to save it.
I had a conversation with someone today who is going through a really difficult time. Many young people today are struggling to find their place in this world. It is a painful thing to reach an age where you stop automatically accepting everyone and everything and pick and choose what you will now accept as well as reject. Sometimes it’s necessary to choose a different path than the one you have always known. There are mixed emotions when you make a stand and say, this isn’t for me and I need to make a life for myself, different from the one everyone envisioned for me. It’s a hard day when you learn that you are not in this world to please anyone or fix anyone and you have to learn to swallow the guilt that comes with taking a step away when that is the only way to save yourself. One thing I learned is this, the hard times we come across are the moments that will define us. They are the moments that will drive us to be this or that, happy or sad. There will be moments that will nearly destroy us but instead recreate who we’re meant to be. So what can I say to someone who is barely hanging on and feeling tired and worn? Let go of the reigns and land where you fall. Tomorrow is another day and no two days are ever the alike. Get up and carry on and stop trying to look back. You can’t go back there. You can’t change the story that has already been written but you can end your story the way you choose. Life is meant to be happy. Don’t be afraid to do whatever it takes that gets you on that path. You decide how your life turns out and you are not meant to be held back. Sometimes you have to have faith and believe that when you really need them, you will find the wings you need to fly.
I knew this day would come but I didn’t realize it would get here so fast. I remember how stressed I used to feel when I tried to juggle two small children at the grocery store or rush from one gate to the other with toys, bags, snacks, a stroller and two kids who weren’t going to walk on their own. I remember waiting for my husband to get home truly believing I needed a break. I thought those days would never end of constant messes, endless feedings, clutter, crayons, tantrums, whining. They did actually come to an end though and I can’t even remember exactly when. As a parent, you move from one phase into an entirely new one with a different set of challenges along the way.
I’ve put this week out of my mind the entire summer. I guess I tucked it back into a place so deep I could rest in denial for a few short weeks. Now it is here, the week I have been dreading. Thursday I will say goodbye to them, my babies, as they leave for school together for the first time in seven years. For one child, this is the last year of her high school adventure. The other child’s adventure is just beginning as he starts this year off as a high school freshmen. How in the world do I have two high schoolers already? Where did the time go and how can I make it slow down? I’m not ready to let them go yet. Just a few more months, a few more days, a few more hours to keep them close. It’s bitter sweet for me of course as I watch them grow into young adults who I’m sure will go out and contribute to this great big world but in my heart they are still my little ones who have made my world so very big. Without them I will feel small because they are a huge part of who I am. I pray the next three days creep by so I have them to myself a little bit longer before day by day they inch away. Parenting has been my biggest blessing and I cherish every single day.
I am totally committed to not worrying anymore. I have worked very hard this summer to change the inner dialogue going on inside of me. I realize now that most of the suffering and stress I experienced last year was self induced and I can only hope and pray I learned from some very unnecessary mistakes.
They say people can’t change but I’m not buying into that theory at all. I am on a mission to continuously mold and form into the person I am meant to be. I will never be perfect and I don’t even believe perfection exists. At least not in the human form. So how am I different than the person who sat in this chair blogging a year ago today? I am no longer s fighter or a warrior for any cause. I cannot save the world and I have decided Instead to save myself and be an inspiration for the few people who are within my reach. I have decided to settle in and let life fall the way it will. I am now a lover and promoter of peace and I realize if I make the decision to fight for something than I am choosing battle and passing up what’s most important in my life right now that is unquestionably peace.
As my kids enter school this year they will face very different challenges as a senior and a freshman. As a parent, I will confront a whole new set of challenges as well but I will not give any of it an ounce of thought. I will not be a prisoner to worry and I am committed to taking life a single day at a time and trusting that the experience I already have and the faith I have in my own ability to figure things out will get through whatever is placed directly in my path. I have a new sense of confidence and every single day I will look in the mirror and repeat these words:
You’ve got this. No need to be afraid.
I am finishing this day much happier than when it started. My prayer for today was to find some goodness in the world and boy did it come knocking. Kindness comes from the most unexpected places and today that gift was given to me by an old friend. All the doom and gloom, all the hopelessness and dread were replaced and overshadowed by one not so random act of kindness. People really are good. The important thing is to remain focused on the kind acts and not get too caught up on the negativity of others. I am so grateful at the end of this day. My faith in humanity has been restored. Shout out to the special person who cared enough and took the time to make it happen. My heart is full.
It was a rough night. I’m not going to lie. The cruelty and judgement that have been fired toward me and my daughter over this GoFundme situation just doesn’t seem to stop. Not only are people attacking her, strangers have tried to message me to tell me what a dirtbag I have for a daughter. The truth is, even though I know none of what they believe is true, I’m sensitive and it really hurts. I can’t for the life of me understand what makes people think they’ve got things so figured out. They see a snipet of someone’s life and they write a story and publish it for the world to see. I get that it’s just a story, their story and far from the truth but still my heart is heavy. People have become snipers only their weapon of destruction has become their words. Today I pray I find some relief from the judgement and contempt we are experiencing in the world. I pray to find forgiveness towards the ones who do not realize the lives they destroy. I pray for peace, kindness, compassion and understanding and the strength to get through this obstacle that has been placed before us. I beg you today, if you post anything on the internet today about another person, even the presidential candidates, use your words and your voice to lift others up and not destroy their reputation or tear them down. Now, more than ever we need a movement towards respect and kindness. Please tell me you will join my army and fight for humanity once again. Please hear this plea because it is so important in turning things around in such troubled times. Be better. Be kinder. Be quiet if you don’t have something nice to say.