My Mind is an Endless Riot

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On September 11th, several years ago, I held my pregnant belly as I watched the World Trade Center collapse in horror. I wondered what it would be like to bring a sweet, innocent life into this changing world. He is fourteen now and I shutter as I think about what is going on outside my front doors.

I went to bed watching the riots in Charlotte. For the last few days my heart has been heavy. In between palpitations and palpable anxiety and agitation, I feel dark and lifeless. This morning I woke up and decided I wasn’t ready to do today. I shut off my phone, closed my door and went back to sleep to avoid the world. Unfortunately for me, the world is already inside of my head. It slipped in a side door and haunted my dreams until I wanted to be awake.

I realize now that because I am an empath and feel things to such an extreme degree, the rage and violence I am feeling is an expression of the energy I am experiencing around me. It spreads like wildfire and once you get a little burn, that fire engulfs you until you become its rage.You keep it going until every spark and the flame destroys everything in its path. 

Look around at the anger. Show me one person who believes life is fair and doesn’t suffer from some type of injustice. Show me the few people who divert the hatred and take on the responsibility to be and give love. They are the real heroes. As I sit here now, only two people come to mind who emulate goodness and kindness, compassion and acceptance every single moment I am around them. Just their presence alone has healing power. I’m done trying to fight for every cause and right every injustice. I’m not a fighter anymore. The more you train to fight the more it becomes who you are. I want to be like these two unsung heroes that simple make the world better by the energy they bring to it. I want to follow them around and feel some of the peace and honest goodness they leave behind them every place they go. I want to sit with a heartbeat that moves steadily and slowly and feel a sense of calm wash over me as I sit here quietly in my own home. I want to focus on my breath instead of the ridiculous list of things to do and keep track of dragging me down like a heavy ball and deadly change. I want to feel free and happy and get the hope back that people are good and the world is a beautiful place. Sometimes I just need an escape? Where can I go to find that these days?

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When We Lose Our Sight

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Whether or not we want to admit it, eventually we start to go blind. I’m not talking about the kind of vision that helps us read a bunch of different sized black letters on a white chart on a wall in a doctors office. I’m talking about the kind of vision that allows us to see the beauty that is right in front of us. Sometimes months or years of negative experience starts to taint our ability to see what’s good. We get so engulfed by ugliness that eventually ugliness is all we see. We stop noticing what makes anything beautiful including the people in our lives. Negativity and hoplessness snuffs out the light inside of us and wipes out the light in everyone else at the same time. I’ve learned that regardless of what kind of day I’m having, even if it’s a horrible one, I have to look for something good in every day. If you start focusing on the negative, the positive will slowly disappear. What you focus on you get more of so its necessary to take a step back and ask yourself, what do I see? If it’s not pretty, you better start looking in s different direction.

Back in Simpler Days…

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This is random but I was thinking life was so much simpler back when there was only one knob to turn on the bathtub. These days, I spend the entire relaxing experience sitting up and reaching to continuously adjust the knob for hot followed by the knob for cold and then repeat that same ritual another one hundred and fifty times. I am grateful that we have hot water that is easily accessible but still, there must be a better way.

When It’s Time To Change

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When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.

 Viktor E. Frankl

I believe many of us waste precious hours, months and years trying to change something we have little or no control over. We fight until we have no fight left, until every ounce of hope has drained from our tired bodies. We collapse into the realization that we can no longer survive in a state that offers us nothing but anxiety and pain. We accept the inevitable and find a new sense of perspective that frees us from the prison that we built for ourselves and eventually gain the courage to take that first step outside of our fabricated cell. It’s tempting to just crawl back into the place that offers us a sense of familiarity. But when we finally make the decision to live again, we walk out that door and never look back. Change is hard but staying in a situation that is a living hell is the only thing harder. We do have a choice and we have to take a deep breath and trust our wings enough to leave that nest. Yes, when we cannot change the situation we are only left with two choices, stay in it or change the only thing we have any control over, ourselves.

Tell The Whole Story

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I had a situation were a parent called me to inform me about something that happened where both our kids were involved. She led me to believe one thing but then was caught retelling the story an entirely different way. If you do not give all the facts and you are not completely honest about everything involved then the truth will never be understood. I’m not sure if I classify omitting information as lying but it is deceptive at the very least. How can someone leave out the most important part when describing a situation? It just doesn’t make sense and now she is less believable in my eyes. I have lost a great deal of respect and am reminded that I cannot take everyone at their word. The lesson here is honesty is the best policy. Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Get One Today!

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I don’t normally review products but this one has me so excited, I can’t resist.

Yesterday we went to the fair. Instead of eating everything in sight, we actually were buying everything in sight. Pillows, blankets and then I see my husband paying for WHAT? A mop. Why in the world was he buying something that would never be used by him? Is that what I was becoming after 18 years of marriage, a maid? A floor mopper? Really, I was disgusted. I’ll never touch that thing I told him as he paid his forty dollars and then it happened! This morning, just for kicks, I decided to test this ridiculous Easy Mop out. See, for me,  if a mop was easy, it would do the floor itself but this thing was what? Okay, so the mop was made of microfibers that could be put in the washing machine. So what if it didn’t use any chemicals, just water and could even clean base boards and my stainless steel, glass and mirrors. So what if it’s 360 degree pumping action would dry it to the point that water wouldn’t be dripping all over. A mop is still a mop and I didn’t want any part of it. The more I used it the more excited I got. I almost squealed out loud when I was able to run it over my banister and molding and get those hard to reach places I almost never ever tried to get. This thing was so fantastic that even my son had to take a turn and try it out. Here’s a picture for you non-believers! Don’t ever tell him he was holding it the wrong way. At least he tried.THIS Easy MOP MAY BE THE BEST THING SINCE BANANA CREAM YOGURT AND I LOVE BANANA CREAM YOGURT! Seriously, if you don’t own one of these little beauties, go out and get yourself one. In fact, get one for everyone you know. I promise they will thank you for it. You’re welcome!

What Do You Take the Time to Share?

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We have become people who live to share. Ask yourself one very important question today. What is it that you are sharing? Is it an offensive article about the candidate you don’t like? Another bloggers post? Is it your opinion? Your time? Your money? Your service? Your criticism? Your support? Love?

Share something worthwhile today. Be honest with who you are and what you contribute to a fragile world.