There it was, staring boldly into my eyes, as the words seemed to jump off the page. Are you abusive with your words? The truth has a way of gut punching me when I finally have the courage to acknowledge it. I have been participating in a week long exercise of self reflection and this question on day three left me feeling horrible about myself. There are many levels of abuse when it comes to our words. As someone who is extremely honest, I can’t deny that not only are my words sometimes abusive to others, my words are very abusive to myself. I have an uncanny talent for finding fault and when you add that to my talent of freely and often expressing myself, the result is not often a welcomed one. The truth is, I have no idea why I am so hard on myself and everyone else. Sometimes I think my desire for complete perfection robs me of happiness I will never experience because my expectations are too darn high. I long for everything to fall into place and after 45 years you think I would have received the memo that it’s just never going to happen so move on and get over it. If I could go back in time I would drill three words into my own head. BUILD THEM UP. Build everyone up. Build YOURSELF up! I am working very hard on being more positive and saying something encouraging to someone everyday. Today I failed but last night, I got it right. No one likes to get a punch in the face but everyone loves a pat on the back. I am no different. So why do I continue to punch when I want a hug and a pat? They say you get what you give so when will I get it through my thick headto start giving something different? Self reflection is hard but without the courage to take an honest look at who you really are, there will never be an opportunity to grow. One day at a time is all we can do. Tonight I will give myself a pat on the back because I am giving this a try. It’s time to start building myself up too so someday that behavior can replace one of the others I am so desperately trying to change.
Here’s another question I will leave you with. If the world followed my example, would it be a better place? Something to think about as you go on with your day.