One thing I’ve decided to leave behind in 2016 is my medication for depression. I’ve wondered how different I might feel and day by day those feelings are becoming my new reality. As I sat and had lunch with my daughter today I let the pain tug at my heart. Every day that passes by is one less day she will be here with me. College is coming fast and I only have a few months left to get used to the idea of watching her go. She looked different to me today. So grown up, sitting there poised and confident as she dropped a little salsa into her lap. I’ve spent years trying to shape and mold her and she turned out nothing like I had planned. She is her own, unique, obstinate, beautiful version of herself…so much better than I ever imagined. She is smart and funny and kind and there is no doubt she will handle the world with grace all on her own. I am reminded of a quote I read someplace by Wayne Dyer:
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Maybe the person I saw in her today has been there all along. Maybe I just looked at her through different eyes, not critical ones but rather eyes of a mother who has suddenly noticed her baby girl is all grown up. Every day is a new adventure. A new chance to notice something you might have missed the day before.