The Lesson At My Door

A knock came on my door yesterday. I wasn’t expecting anyone and when I asked

 “who is it?”, 

I cringed as the voice on the other side said,

“It’s me. A life lesson.”

I am really starting to believe that we bump into the same lesson over and over again until we finally master our response to it. There are days I mutter to myself, “really again, why me”, but there is a part of me that is certain the answer is always the same. My reaction to things out of my control is not a very healthy one. The physical response alone is quite disturbing and the thoughts that dance closely behind are not graceful either. It’s so hard for me to accept whatever is sometimes. My fight or flight kicks in and the adrenaline is quite unsettling. I actually have the urge to jolt right out of my body and escape whatever it is making me feel so uncomfortable. The reality that I am not a superhero is tragic. I am me. I am mom. I can fix everything right? The only problem is I am trapped in this human body. Where is my costume? Don’t I have hidden powers? I can’t possibly be this helpless and ordinary. That’s where the life lesson makes her entrance. She glares at me with crazy eyes as she taunts me with the words, “you’re not at all as great as you think you are. You are ordinary, powerless and I am your master”.

Last night and again this morning did not go as planned. The truth is, it never was about my plan anyway. I decided to take a deep breath and just go with the flow. Why waste the little energy I have fighting something I can never change? The truth is so obvious but even as I write these words I can feel the resistance inside of me. I need to make peace with that part and nurture it back to good health. I need to teach that small part to trust the sum of the whole and find the courage to really believe that it will all be okay in the end. The sky is not falling. A deviation from plans is not the end of the world. Distorted thoughts and believing in false threats is the only roadblock keeping me from living a calm, peaceful life. Time to remove them and carry on to a more peaceful place.

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