Sometimes I Want To Be The Mess

 I’m the mess. Sometimes I’m the broom. On the hardest days, I have to be both. – Rudy Francisco 

I had never heard this quote until this week. Reading it makes me feel a little bit angry. The truth hurts sometimes and this quote made me see myself in a different light. I believe, for the most part, I am the broom. I am the one who always fixes everyone’s mess. I am a constant cleaner and after years and years of actively doing it, it becomes exhausting. Sure sometimes I can be a mess but I’m the one who has to sweep that up too. Sometimes I need a break. Occasionally I need to NOT feel responsible for everyone else. I lie awake at night feeling responsible for everyone’s grades, success, happiness. You name it and I have a deep desire to fix whatever is slightly cracked or especially broken. That is my red flag, to jump in there full sleep ahead. Captain broom reporting! Point me to the nearest mess. I often wonder why I feel so overwhelmed and stressed. I think I’ve found the answer. I can’t fix everything. I can’t clean everything I see and make it look sparkly bright. Most of those messes are not my own and I am wasting my own precious time focused on sweeping what isn’t my mess to clean. My guess is, we are more one than the other and depending on who we surround ourselves with, our load gets a whole lot lighter or we feel exhausted. It just depends on who is the mess and who is the broom. Sometimes I imagine being surrounded by other brooms with the same passion and success at cleaning up a mess. Mostly I think I’m a broom drowning in a sea of mess. The junk piles up on top of me and sooner or later I’ve got to break. 

So that’s me. The broom. The handy tool. My superpower is cleaning. My attraction? Messes. Which one do you think you are or have you found some balance? Anyway you look at it, this is an interesting quote.

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