Today I knelt down and prayed for some peace. I’ve been living my life all wrong and what better time to start over than this season of lent. I have wasted precious prayers on speeding life up. When my kids were little I wanted them to grow out of certain phases faster. When the day is difficult, I want the week to speed ahead to Friday. When the year is filled with hard and heart broken, I want to jump ahead to the next one leaving the difficult one behind. I rush the moments that I will never get back. Even now, I want the next 8 days to fast forward so I will be sitting on a plane on my way to California for spring break. The truth is we don’t have a special button that will move us through time at our own will. This isn’t our plan. It never was. I have come to the realization that there are mountains we all have to climb. Things we must overcome to lead us to the person we are meant to be. There are no shortcuts, no passes on pain or hard times. We have to learn to find peace in our skin as our hearts experience the unthinkable or our pulse races to a dangerously high pace. More than ever, those are the moments we must strive to find faith and comfort knowing the moment won’t last and a new one is just around the corner waiting for us to arrive. We have to stop fighting and surrender to what is. How do we sit calmly in a place that makes us feel so uncomfortable? How do we stop fighting what is and just relax and let it be? What does it take? Faith? Hope? Confidence?
The next forty days I am going to pray that I find peace in my uncomfortable moments. I pray that I find a way to embrace each and every day regardless of the circumstances. I don’t want to speed the moments up and sit in regret as I look back and wish I enjoyed them more. Every day is precious and each one holds challenges and blessings. Rather than wanting to change my life, I am seeking a way to see it in a new way that will help me experience less of the anxiety and fear that rob me of my peace and the intention to embrace more joy and hope. Perception is the difference in a good and bad day…a good and bad life. Today, I pray for a new perspective on my own life and that even on the darkest days, I will find beauty. Life is too short to miss or rush a single moment. Today I make it my intention to slow down and focus on the things that really matter. I pray for a calm in this storm that is raging inside of me and a renewed hope and faith that I am not alone. I pray for peace inside of myself and throughout the world.