I get it. Time keeps ticking. We are forced to keep moving with the motion of the clock.. There is a small part of me though that wishes I could go back. A part of me that wants a second chance to pay more attention so the memories are clearer and crisper in my mind. I was looking at a picture of my son from four years ago. He looks so small and naive at 11 years old. He was still my baby then and I felt like I had the power to protect him. He turns 15 tomorrow and the physical changes between then and now are astonishing. I can only wonder how many changes have occurred internally. The world changes as we get older. At least our perception of it does. Our openness slowly narrows, our faith gets tangled. Our beliefs change and get challenged with the passing of each new day. Four years ago he was a different boy. I was different back then too. Change is inevitable and necessary but once in awhile I long for the simplicity of years ago. I miss the days when we would throw the sleeping bags and pillows on the floor and make a mess with popcorn as we argued over which movie to watch. I miss the days I didn’t know I couldn’t hold onto my kids forever and I was too caught up to ever think there would come a time those days of camping out on the floor would come to an end. As I sit here today, I realize more than ever how little control I have over anything. All I can do is hope that the good moments slow down long enough to imprint the permanence of this memory of him in my mind. I know I can’t physically go back but as long as I have the memories I can linger there from time to time. It seems like yesterday, I was bringing him home from the hospital on that rainy day. How did fifteen years pass by so fast? It seems like a blur. He’s desperately trying to grow up too fast and I’m desperately trying to hold onto my little boy. Happy birthday Chase. Slow down just a little because I’m having a tough time keeping up. Time waits for no-one. Ready or not, here it comes.