Today I woke up bursting with energy. It’s Friday and after a long week filled with some interesting obstacles, the weekend is almost here. We are headed to see my daughter at college for family weekend and it will be so nice to step away from the usual mundane to do something a little bit different. We forget sometimes how important it is to do something that makes us feel excited and alive. The soul needs to be nourished too and when we get caught up in the stuff that really doesn’t matter, we lose that spark that makes us feel grateful to be alive. I hope your Friday is filled with love, happiness and hope. Have a fantastic day.
Sometimes I wake up to a load I don’t feel ready to carry. I barely have my eyes open and animals need to be let out, dishes are in the sink, laundry is so backed up I can’t see over it with 100 things on my to do list. My mind wanders to my kids who are fighting battles of their own and I wince as I think of family far away sitting at a funeral I’m too far away to attend. I whisper to myself quietly, you’ve got this and thank the Lord that this weight that is mine to carry is not too heavy at all. I may not want to face the day but I am more than equipped to handle whatever comes my way. Sometimes it’s okay to admit I need a little rest or to reach out to others for support when I cannot muster up my own.
Whatever battles you are fighting, remember you are not alone. Most of us are most likely feeling the same way. We may hide our worries and troubles behind a half hearted smile but they lurk there quietly as we go about our day. Be kind to everyone you come across. Look into their eyes so they know that someone really sees them. Spread some kindness and compassion and leave people feeling happier than when you found them. It’s the small things that make the biggest impact. Do your part.
There are some weeks where absolutely everything that could possibly go wrong goes terribly wrong. There is so much comfort in knowing that these short spells do pass and tomorrow offers a brand new day and a clean slate filled with hope and faith. I used to feel panicked when the world crumbled at my feet and I couldn’t figure out to put it back together. Now, I know that even when things don’t seem to go as planned, the unexpected twists and turns lead to a better place. So hold on! Keep the faith and remember that life unfolds the way it should, not always the way we think it should and that’s okay.
This morning is testing my own philosophy to not sweat the small stuff. How many times have I preached to not get crazy over the things I cannot change? So why am I so aggravated that my husband brought my son to take his permit test and they both forgot an important paper and had to go back home? To those of you struggling to be better, more forgiving, patient, and understanding, I am right there struggling with you today. Happy Wednesday! We’ve got this.
Don’t get entrenched in someone else’s battlefield. You don’t have to attend every spectacle you’re invited to. Sometimes less is more and minding your own business is the best option. There are enough fighters already. Be a lover. Be the calm. Be an example. Be the difference. Take the road that doesn’t make the headlines. Remain a constant positive force to light a path through the negativity that’s trying to engulf us.
I’ve been hesitant to share this but I feel the time is finally right. A while back, I filed a discrimination case against the school with The Office of Civil Rights. The school absolutely refused to meet my sons accommodations and after begging and pleading for several years, I realized I had no other option than to go this route. I really thought foolishly that teachers and administrators would bend over backwards to help kids anyway they could. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Just like those NFL players, I took my place in front of them week after week trying to be heard. I tried negotiating, begging, bargaining and anything else I could think of to get him the resources he needed. They pushed back hard. The principal tried to threaten and intimidate me to make me go away. Chase started to see repercussions in a particular class and I had to pull him out and place him with another teacher. Our family was falling apart. I kept fighting because like any mother, I would do anything to get my son the help he needed. I was placed on depression medication and had panic attacks where I couldn’t breathe. The situation was killing me but it wasn’t right to let them get away with this and I never wanted a single kid or family to go through what we had to endure. It was the worst time in my entire life. I was interviewed by OCRs lawyer and told I would hear from them. I did 16 months later.
In the meantime, my son switched over to high school and slowly but surely life was getting back to normal. There was a day I assumed OCR would never get back to me and I came to the realization that if I remained obsessed with that debilitating experience, I would allow those teachers and that horrible administrator to lock me in that hell that I didn’t want to live in anymore. It was ruining my life. My noble notion to do something good for future kids along with my need to see these horrible people pay a price was killing me slowly one day at a time. Guess what! No one cares. No one came to rescue me as I was drowning in a pain I never should have owned. The only choice I had was to let it go. By holding onto my obsession to hold these people rightly accountable, I was losing precious days of finding joy and living my life.
I received a letter from OCR two weeks ago (now 18 months) stating that because the allotted time expired since filing my complaint, my case was being closed and no investigation would take place. Was this fair that due to them dragging their feet to get around to my case that I was being punished? You bet your ass it isn’t but guess what? That’s the way it is and crying and dwelling on it will not change the circumstances anyway. I never had a chance because when there is no enforcement of codes and rules and laws, people can do whatever they want. The wrong people are being protected and like it or not that’s just the way it is.
I’m happy to report I am off my medication and feel happy and grateful most of the time. Chase is doing fantastic in school and I think our lives are no longer controlled by the school system.
Life isn’t fair. Period. This chapter is closed and this story is over. It feels so good to put it behind me and really move on. Put down what is too heavy for you to carry. Stop choosing to be a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking people should care about your problems. Stop trying to punish those who cause you pain. Stop thinking the world owes you a favor or you are entitled to a better outcome. Be your own hero and do everything you can to fix whatever you can and leave the rest behind. Move on, be grateful and focus on what is good in your life. Only then will you truly be free.