This mindset that we have to punish people and inflict pain on those whose views differ with our own is the exact thinking that leads someone to shoot into a crowd of innocent people. Why do we feel someone deserves to pay? Why do we have to jump on the bandwagon of asserting our own consequences? Airlines, rental cars… these people are just as guilty when it comes to thinking it is our right to personally manipulate and control others. Disguise it anyway you wish but this is the source of a scary problem that gets worse every single day. When you declare sides, you push away solutions and you create war. When only one side can be a winner, we all lose when we are one country, one people and we lose sight of what we were trying to accomplish in the first place because we get lost somewhere in our desire to fight. Imagine if we all came together behind something that would lead to a change directly in response to the problem we claim we are trying to eliminate. Look around at where people are putting their energy. Those things will not stop the next shooting. Lead with love, not anger and then things will fall into place. Why is that so hard to understand? Lead with love in your words, lead with love in your thoughts and follow through with love in your actions. Whatever you bring to the table is all you will ever have to serve to others. It’s a tough lesson to swallow. Time to eat!
We put so much emphasis on words as if they make all the difference. You can listen to the same words, be on two different sides of an argument and twist them to support your cause. There is this meme going around on social media. It goes something like this… and clearly we know where people are being lead.
If your child hits another child with a stick do you:
A) Take away the stick
B) Give everybody sticks
C) Give certain kids sticks who are able to protect everyone else
If we were really being honest and applying this to real life, I do believe we would need to insert choice d.
D) Cut down all trees and remove sticks so no one has the opportunity to hit another child with one again or remove all sticks that are light enough for kids to pick up and hit with.
If I was really just answering this question innocently and we were really talking about the situation posed as a question, I would punish the child. The child would need to learn that hitting is unacceptable period. We can’t make the mistake of the child thinking hitting with sticks is bad when it is the action of hitting that is bad. My point here is this. I’ve had friends who have removed “bad toys” that do not share. That child never learned to share and every child was punished by having the bad toy taken away that wasn’t bad at all. The child who didn’t share was the problem and maybe shouldn’t have been allowed to play if he wasn’t going to share. We can’t talk in circles. We have to get honest and real and stop trying to win an argument that reoccurs every time a tragedy occurs. We blame this and that and promise change and what do we get? Fighting words and anger until we become absorbed in our own lives again and forget until it happens again. I don’t have any answers but I know this for sure. I am looking for real solutions that schools can put in place right now to keep our babies safe. I will not argue and fight over politics or stupid memes anymore to further divide my country and destroy relationships because I do not believe anyone in Washington is selfless enough to make any necessary changes we need. There are things we can do now without Washington while we pick out our gravestones waiting for them to pass a solution that’s never going to come in time and probably never going to come at all. Why can’t people stop the senseless fighting and come together to do what we can do ourselves along with our schools before one of us has to bury a child again? Rise up. Rise above and make a difference that will really matter. If this was really about protecting our kids, we would find a solution that works and stop driving down roads that are dead ends.
If we sat down and had an hour conversation and I repeated 6 words to sum up what was said, do you think someone would really grasp the depth and context of the conversation if they weren’t present to hear any part of it? It frustrates me that this is how we share information today. Not only is it misleading but if someone does not understand the context of the conversation as a whole, those 6 words could manipulate someone into believing something that is just not true. I do not understand how people can be so irresponsible when it comes to getting information right. It leaves us in a constant state of confusion and then we argue and fight over something that isn’t even accurate or true. It’s time to wake up and be more accountable. We have to stop listening to parts if we want to understand the whole. Stop spreading someone else’s misinterpretation and manipulating take on the things that matter and do enough research to get it right for all of us. We cannot trust or share everything we hear. That keeps us is a constant state of confrontation and does not allow for a single solution. Sometimes we are all on the same page but the words have become twisted in a way we can’t even see it. Please be more accountable when you share. Don’t fall into the trap of sharing the one thing that will cause an uproar while leaving out the other 5 things that would get us all on the same page. It’s dishonest and unfair. Be better.
Sometimes less is more and overdoing something is the same as undoing what you’ve tried to do in the first place. This lesson is so important to understand and so very hard to learn. In a time where we think it’s okay to demand people hear the point we are trying to make, over pushing and over talking are actually closing people off to the ideas we are so desperately trying to get across. Our approach along with our tone are key when it comes to capturing our audience. Words like I demand will only turn the person off to what you are about to say. When you use fighting words and you approach others looking to bring a fight, you will get a fight back. Toddlers demand. Adults talk.
So what makes me so sure I know this is right? It wasn’t too long ago that I spent years of my life in school meetings demanding the school do what was right. My son had accommodations that certain teachers refused to follow and I was going to demand they do it or else. Or else what? They took it out on my kid, they still wouldn’t adhere to the plan and I had a fight with the school for 4 long years. All my time and energy went into sabotaging those years for myself. I certainly didn’t get the results I intended but I sure made enemies along the way. So what did I learn? I learned that an approach that works better sounds something like this…”I don’t have all the answers but I am willing to work with you to find some solutions.” Can you see the difference?
If anyone learns anything from my own misfortune then I will be grateful. Be mindful about the words you use. Sometimes too strong is not the best choice. Everyday is a chance to grow and be smarter. There’s always something new to learn.
There is nothing more soothing to me than listening to the rain. I wait for days like this because they are few and far between where I am from. I don’t know what it is that makes me feel so relaxed but it is one of the rare times I don’t feel like I should be doing 100 different things. The rain is like therapy for me so you can bet I’m going to take advantage of it every chance I get. How about you? Do you like the rain?
I didn’t realize when I dropped my daughter off at college in August that the loft bed she was so excited about would be like Mt Everest when she ran a high fever from the flu. I didn’t realize how difficult the hilly 1/2 mile hike to her car would be in order to get herself to Urgent care and when I woke up yesterday I had no idea I would be quietly milking every second of this hotel room so I could let her get some restful sleep. When she called at ten o ‘clock last night to tell me her fever had gone up to 104 and she was too sick to climb out of bed for medicine, my husband and I didn’t think twice. We grabbed a small bag, threw some stuff together, stopped at Walgreens for Gatorade and medicine and started our 3.5 hour journey toward her school. To my amazement, her sweet RA was waiting kindly at the door at 1:30 in the morning to take me up to her room. Here we are a few hours later and I am sitting in this dark room listening to her breathe and grateful she is finally getting some sleep. We never know from day to day what each moment will bring but one thing is for sure, when you’re a mom, you are always ready and waiting to report to duty because that’s just what parents do.
Next year, if you too will be dropping your college student off for the first time, this is your heads up. Stock up on medicine and be ready to answer the call. It will come, most likely in the middle of the night and you will be ready just like we were to do whatever it takes to make sure your almost all grown up kid is okay.
Why is it that people feel the need to personally insult fellow human beings? Today especially, I have seen one meme and post after another knocking people who believe in God or believe in the power of prayer. I never believed that a persons heart could realistically be so heartless and cruel. I wanted to believe that all people are good and kind and ultimately want a place we can abide together in peace. The reality is people are so full of themselves and their need to demean and insult far exceeds their desire to be kind. Why can’t people leave other people alone? Why has it become common practice to use our voices to humiliate, embarrass and demoralize another human being? What kind of person does that on a regular basis? What could possibly be in the mind and heart of someone who stops at nothing to prove a point and be flat out cruel? I’ve had it. I try my best to be respectful. Nine times out of ten I choose not to respond or feed negativity but everyday it gets a little bit harder. I will never let their lack of self control harden me to the point that I too become cruel. Today I recommit even more to be nicer, make this world a kinder place and to kill attack words with words of peace. Is anyone out there? Everyone needs to believe in something. They need hope to get through the years of their life. Why take that away from someone whatever that hope may be? Just leave people alone. I need an army. Please join with me.
I am a perfectionist which came as a welcome challenge to my friend yoga. I almost heard her laugh as I walked in the room blind to the lessons that were yet to come. I love balance challenges. I honestly believed that if I could stand firm in my balance pose than I could take that balance out into the world and it would be my safety net as I go about this thing called life. The people who were unsteady used to distract me and I felt myself feeling agitated as someone’s foot moved toward my face or when the person in front of me would fall right over. It took me some time to realize that I had to stop blaming other people and find my solid balance regardless of what was going on around me. I have learned so many things on my mat but I think this one is probably the most valuable. It has been my compass leading me to my authentic self and offering me an unshakable confidence that has completely changed my life. You are equipped with so many blessing that don’t come and go. It is only when you find your center and trust in that center that you truly start to live.
It has taken me 46 years to realize that inner peace and true happiness are not conditional. I hear so many people speak about the things they want abolished or changed. If only we could take away this or change that… then we would be in a better place. Guns, the president and social media seem to be the most common. I hate to be the person to break this news but we could remove one thing at a time until there was nothing left except people and still there would be a problem and people would be stressed and unhappy. Unfortunately, people are the root of most problems and certainly the main cause of their own insanity and unhappiness. We can pretend to create a perfect world but perfect to you and perfect to me look like very different pictures. We waste so much life and energy wishing to change things instead of learning to be happy and find peace in the place we are in. You will only find true peace and happiness while being whoever you are, wherever you are , in the moment that is present right now. If you catch yourself saying, “I would be happy if I could remove this from my life”, remind yourself that you can be happy in-spite of it. That’s just a story you tell yourself that isn’t true. You have to find your place of peace and happiness in the reality you find yourself in today. There is no way around reality so find a balance and adjust your thinking. The world will not magically change because you think it should. The only thing you can control is your attitude and your perspective. Change your thoughts, change your world.
Rehashing and over talking things does not often lead to resolution. Often, it keeps a problem the focus and heightens emotions to where you can feel stuck in a very negative place. There are times there will not be a consensus on a solution for a particular problem. Sometimes it’s best to agree to disagree and just move on. How do we do that though when we are so impassioned about something? You must commit to the discipline and intention to not get caught up in a moment you have no control to change. You only remain stuck if you choose not to move your feet or your thoughts in a different direction. You do not have to participate to every debate you are invited to. You always have the choice to walk away and place your attention on something that will raise your own vibration. Be selective. Do something good for your soul today. Don’t participate in something that will bring you down. You are meant to enjoy your life. Do it now. Time is running out.