My Peace is Not Conditional

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There was a time not long ago when the sense of peace I felt was directly determined by the people and circumstances surrounding me. I felt like this tiny, little, insignificant creature being squeezed to death until I could barely breathe. I allowed myself to be played every single time. I felt powerless to fight or control anything which threatened my well being and eventually I succumbed to the chaos until I became the crazy around me. It’s taken a long time to claim my calm. It’s not situational or conditional. I make the decision of how I will react and more times than not I choose not to react at all. I can decide to not fall victim to anyone or anything outside of myself. I simply disengage and I have to admit it feels pretty darn good. Today, remember you have more control than you think. You simply allow something to affect you or you visualize pushing that button with the giant D and simply disengage. Remember one thing, if you want peace, choose peace, offer peace, be peace. It’s that simple.

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3 thoughts on “My Peace is Not Conditional

  1. Maybe as just a small effort to maintain some sanity, I don’t ever claim I have become “the crazy” around me, even if I partake in the yelling or throwing of things. I don’t like it when I “join in,” usually. I realize I lose control of myself. Yet, somehow, with age, I seem to feel a bit easier with participating in a conflict. I am so tired of arguing and defending myself. Yet, when I get worked up, it doesn’t feel as taxing as it did in my teens and twenties. It’s sort of like those screaming rock stars who claim they don’t hurt their throats when they scream. They’ve learned some skill to projecting pain, anguish, etc. without straining their pipes.

    I have gone from being the quiet one who did what he was told was right to snapping, lashing out and defending what I feel is right…and, perhaps most recently, to learning or opting to say/fight less because it didn’t work before and is not likely to work any better, now. I’m quarreling less, not much but less, giving less energy to it and trying to put up with less-than-ideal situations, again. I doubt I’ll ever be the compliant little good boy I was, again. I don’t think I can quit raging like smoking or drinking. But, I am ever so slowly either giving up fighting or finding alternatives. And, at least, one thing remains rather constant since the “big bang” of my teens; I have to stand by certain core feelings and push back/away anyone or anything that doesn’t agree with them yet be open to new outlooks in case I ever find myself in error. I have to know my center, defend and respect it and do my best to do the same with everyone else. I have to remind myself not to impose on others but learn about them and know not everyone is going to match up with me like good puzzle pieces.

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