The storm is fierce. It is always there thrashing me to and fro and robbing me of inner peace. There have always been storms in life but this season will not go away. I have become one with it and I cannot draw a concrete line between myself and it. Where does it start and where do I begin? How do you cope when you are forced into a situation you cannot escape? How can you remove yourself from chaos that is all around you? How can you walk away from the people who look the other way as they take your breath away and pretend they don’t see you are unable to breathe? I desperately want this season to end but just when I think the sun will break through, the thunder wakes me out of bed. It’s become the norm, this unsettling anticipation that the black clouds are coming to swallow me up. I know this too shall pass but when? I don’t have much of me left and fighting to keep my head above water is exhausting. I’m tired. My body is weak and my mind is erratic. No one can live in constant survival mode. There is no life between fight or flight just that gnawing anguish that never really lets you experience a moment of peace. When will it end?
Sometimes you have to smile while your heart is breaking. Sometimes you have to get out and face the world when everything inside of you just wants to stay in bed. We go through seasons when our heart hurts and our faith is shaken but we have to get up knowing eventually the weather will change. Nothing remains constant not even the hardest times. They may seem endless but the darkness will fade into light and all you can do is breathe and be patient. If you are in that season that seems long and difficult, I am here to remind you to hold on a little bit longer. You will find strength in the storm and you will make it through. The light is right there on the other side. Wait for it.
It is so hard to be a good parent in these troubled times. I’m not sure when or how this happened but families are so broken today and a large percentage of kids are left on their own. Parents who have rules, enforce them, provide, put dinner on a table and expect respect are the parents who get a bad rap these days. Kids who have the whole package envy the kids with parents who don’t care enough to set a time to be home or even care if their kids come home at all. It’s a real struggle and I seem to be losing this battle. When did what is right become wrong and what is wrong become popular. I don’t understand.
I’ve come to the sad realization that the majority of my time is spent playing solitaire on my cell phone. There is no doubt that I am around people far less than I am alone. I often wonder what makes people too busy to reach out. Don’t we all enjoy coffee or lunch with a friend or do those things fall so far back on the list of things to do that we don’t get around to friendship and companionship anymore? Am I the only one noticing this or have you been feeling lonely and isolated lately too? I miss the days where I could walk out my front door and talk for hours with neighbors. I miss the days when my schedule including people who I loved spending time with. I miss laughing and sharing and bonding. What has life become these days? Am I the only one?