oh What A Night!

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So, early this morning I did a 5K run. Let me back up a little and start at the beginning. Last night we went to dancing in the park. I actually met my husband country dancing 19 years ago. It will be fun, I said and romantic, dancing under the stars. After the 5th time he stepped on my foot and I reacted in a less than favorable way, we mutually agreed the dancing part of our night was over, done. That was the end of it. We headed back toward home but needed to swing by the roller rink and pick up my son. I sent him a text as we were pulling in. Our conversation looked something like this. 

Are you ready?

20 minutes …

I think my wrist is broken

Are you serious?

Yes

Dad is on his way in

I’d like to tell you that it was a quick in and out of the emergency room but they must have been giving something away, it was packed and everytime we turned around we would hear CODE BLUE. Attention, CODE BLUE. After 3 long hours of waiting and my son snapping selfies of himself to get pity from the ladies, the doctor still wasn’t sure if it was broken but put a temporary cast on and told us to come back for more X-rays after the swelling went down. We were finally on our way home when out of nowhere, some maniac in a truck ran a red light, made a left turn into our lane and was headed straight for us. I shudder to think of what would have happened if my husband didn’t stop at the intersection even though we had a green light. I believe it was somewhere around 2:30 in the morning when we finally rolled up the driveway.

Back to the 5K. Do you know what the best part of running any race is? The finish line. At least for me. And how I made it there is pretty pathetic but hey, it did get me there. I am not proud about what I did but I will share it with you anyway. There was a little boy around two and a half feet tall running up ahead of me. I was trailing behind, out of breath, when I saw him look back at me and pick up speed. That little bast!&$ was challenging me to come and try to pass him AND I did. I am ridiculously competitive and there was no way in heaven he was gonna beat me. I didn’t care that he was only 5. It was a competition, game on! I am proud to report that I crossed the finish line at 38 minutes, and him? Lol! 54. I kicked his little butt and that’s all that mattered. I got the best of him. I won! I pushed through as exhausted as I was, the whole time feeling like I could not breathe and dragged myself across that finish line where I collapsed and prayed for a speedy death, which by the way, did not come. I was miserable and hot but at least it was done. On a positive note, we did raise money and awareness for a good cause so we will just end the story there.

Did I mention it’s our anniversary? Wow! What a start. It began at 12:00 in a local ER and it’s still going strong. I’m not real curious about how the rest of the day will play out. Maybe I should just go back to bed and finally get some sleep or maybe not. What do you think?

Oh and one more thing! If you were wondering what my husband was doing at the hospital while I was worried sick…..

  

Just Another Day

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It’s finally Friday. We survived the first day back to school and it couldn’t have been too bad because they are working on the second. As for me, I feel like I can breathe again. All the anticipation of getting back into a schedule, shopping for school clothes, working out schedules was actually not that big of a deal. I have to laugh at how many times my mind makes something seem like it is going to be so much harder than it actually is. Why does that happen so frequently? It’s like the mind loves to show you the worst possible dream but while you are awake and directly through your thoughts.

I just woke up. Looks like I can finally sleep again too. Sometimes I think all that thinking is more exhausting than physical exercise. Time to get back to meditation but not today because I slept through it. Tomorrow is my anniversary. I am looking forward to a glass of wine and a slow paced dinner. I am looking forward to celebrating the enormous amount of time, patience and work it took us both to get to this day. Wow, it’s been a ride.

From time to time, I wonder if I could go back to a younger age and have the chance to do it over, would I do it the same? I guess it doesn’t matter because there’s no way I’m going back. I am in a good place. I am happy with the way my life is unfolding. There is no reason to look back, go back or even teeter with the thought that this isn’t where I am supposed to be. This is where I am and it’s a beautiful place. I am going to have a lazy day and just enjoy it. No need to do anything more. How are you feeling today?

Is Your Relationship Fun? It Should Be

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I am super excited this year! I mentioned recently that this weekend is my 17th wedding anniversary. There have been terrible years, wonderful years and everything in between. My husband is kind of odd when it comes to his way of thinking. There is no box to put him, he is definitely standing outside of it. He is not even in the same room with a box. Year after year, I have stood there speechless trying to find the right words to express my confusion, I mean gratitude for the gift he has so carelessly, um carefully picked out. I know the time and effort he puts into making just the right choice and this year I really want to return the favor. The funny thing is, he thinks he’s a genius and I’m there thinking what the he#l is this? I think the two years that caught me most off guard were #1 and #15. I don’t ever look up what represents what year of marriage so imagine my dismay when he was overly excited to hand me an origami kit for our first anniversary. All I could think was, is this a sign of what is yet to come but don’t worry because a few years later I would know for sure. Fast forward to year #15. I could never have imagined that tucked into that beautifully wrapped box was a crystal ball. I don’t think there are many ladies that can say they got one of those for their anniversary. The best part though is now I really can predict his future so I guess you could say that one backfired a bit. He would never possibly give me a crystal ball that didn’t work and believe me I use that to my advantage. Can you picture it? I see you vacuuming the house and cleaning toilets. I see you running to the store right now to buy me cookies and cream ice cream. I bet he’s really starting to regret that one. 

So, back to why I’m so excited! This year I found the perfect gift and I can hardly wait for it to arrive. I’d love to tell you what it is but he occasionally reads my blog so you, like him, will have to wait until the weekend.

If I had to describe this last year of marriage in one word, it would be FUN. We have really started to genuinely enjoy one another and take our relationship less seriously. We have learned to approach life with a sense of humor. It makes a tremendous difference.

What is the craziest anniversary gift you have ever received? What was the best and most memorable one?  What is the one word you would use to describe your last year of marriage? I’d love to hear about it!

Here is the link if you’re dying to hear the story of the crystal ball!

https://anewperspectiveperhaps.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/if-only-we-had-a-crystal-ball/

How To Reach Another Year of Marriage

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Next week, we will be celebrating 17 years of marriage. With so many marriages falling apart around me, I can’t help but wonder why mine is still going strong. The fact is, every couple has challenges. There will be good times, difficult times and those times that will certainly make or break you as a couple. There will be a flicker, moments when the spark you initially felt is very much alive and moments you can’t stand being in the same room. But why do some couples make it and other couples don’t?
If I had to pick just one determining factor that ultimately leads to the success of marriage, it would be commitment. Not the kind of commitment that keeps one faithful but rather a stronger commitment to the relationship and less commitment to self. It’s obvious that people have become very selfish. They want it all. The trick is wanting the relationship to work more than having a hot body or a successful career. It’s purposely choosing the relationship over a hobby or friends or anything else that can drive a wedge in between. Does that mean you shouldn’t go to the gym or take pride in your job? Does it mean you should give up your friends for the sake of your spouse? Of course it doesn’t. It just means that your main priority has got to be your relationship in a time of record divorce and infidelity. The key is putting the majority of time into your spouse and relationship and less time into the passions that drive you apart. When your time and focus is greater on any one thing more than it is your relationship, you can be sure the death of your relationship will soon be near.
I know many couples who get caught up in anniversary gifts. They want the fancy box and the pretty bow. They hold the value of their relationship dependent on whats in the box. For so many years, people will ask, what did he give you for your anniversary. I just smile to myself. The gifts we give each year can’t be put in a box. Every year we give the gift of respect, friendship, support, encouragement and the most important gift of all unconditional love. There is no greater, more satisfying feeling in the world than knowing someone loves you just the way you are, without conditions. There is no greater gift than knowing someone supports your dreams and works along side you to make them come true. There is nothing more special than knowing the person you married is the one who loves and accepts you more than anyone else in the great big world. Love says it’s okay when you make a mistake instead of listing the ways you create your own problems. Love listens and understands when everyone else tries to give advice. Love is there in the hard times and smiling along side you in the good times. Love is a gift that keeps on giving even when the relationship seems hopeless and lost. Love does not criticize, it emphathizes. Love does not blame, it searches for solution. Love does not resent, it always forgives regardless how big the offense. 

What do you think leads to a lasting relationship? What is most important to you?

16 Years

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Sometimes you make the right decision for the wrong reasons. Call it fate, luck or some old fashioned instinct. There are moments when you just know you are doing the right thing. Marriage is no exception. How can you possibly know who is the right person for you? How can you know with certainty that you will be able to live side by side year after year with the same person and maintain the respect and love necessary for a healthy relationship to survive? How will you know you will have the strength to forgive someone’s wrongs and move on without looking back or holding a grudge so that your relationship doesn’t end in a list of resentments but rather in an ongoing list of reasons to be grateful that leave you knowing without a doubt, that you have chosen a life partner and not a Mister Right now.

That first year of marriage is full of newness and hope and a misconception that paying loads of money to have a big party and a fancy dress will seal the deal for a happy life. Often times that isn’t the case. Marriage is hard and requires a great deal of time and effort. It requires discipline to never cross the lines that could damage the foundation the relationship is built on. It requires self control to not say the mean words that you are thinking in your mind. It requires room to allow each other space to grow as individuals as well as a couple.

Each year that goes by, I am more grateful. Today, marks the day I walked down the aisle 16 long years ago. Is my relationship perfect? Is it free of problems? Of course not. Like everyone else, we have had our share of ups and downs, of trials and tribulations that have tested whether our relationship would even survive. What is so special about my husband? It may not be specifically who he is but rather who we are together. He is the calm in my storm, the hope in my despair, the support when I am ready to give up. He is predictability in the uncertainty all around me, he is my anchor when I am drifting lost at sea. The last few years, he has been my safest place to fall. I am grateful for the moments, for the little memories that fill our lives with so much big. I am grateful for the friendship and the mutual respect we display toward one another. I am grateful for him loving me without conditions and accepting me exactly the way I am, perfectly flawed. I am grateful for his easy going nature and his display of strength in the times that are hard. I am grateful that he is gentle and respectful when we disagree. We do not compete for power. We do not have a competition of who is right. We are one team sticking together through thick and thin, never judging each other when one or the other doesn’t measure up to the fantasy we once thought the other would be.

We have learned from mistakes and loved through the pain and today we have learned to trust that no matter what happens in our lives, we will always be able to get through it hand in hand. Happy Anniversary to my husband. I hope we will have many more years together. I am looking forward to the adventures that wait in our future. Hopefully a haircut will be one of them. You are the sun in my sky and my life is so much brighter because you are in it. Thank you for loving and supporting me like only you can. I am so grateful to share my life with you. Together we have found a path that breathes life into our years and the view has been amazing.

A year Ago Today

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I remember the first day I sat down to write my first blog post. I was filled with garbage and feelings and emotions that started spilling over into the person I was presenting myself to be. There was no more room inside and things I had been sheltering inside were just too big to contain. I was so much more than the character I was playing in my script of life. In fact, I didn’t even recognize myself anymore hidden underneath the everyday circumstances and life events. I was buried deep and smothering under all my own junk.

The first time I hit the “post” button my heart was racing. For the first time in a long time I was me. I allowed myself to be unclothed and stripped down to stand naked before anyone that was willing to take a look. It was scary and exciting at the same time. I decided to introduce myself to the world and not care what anyone thought. I gave myself permission to be vulnerable and open to wherever that path would lead.

I also wanted to use my voice be heard. I have many stories, some that many will never believe. It doesn’t matter anymore who does believe or who doesn’t believe, or who reads or doesn’t read, it just matters that my words and my lessons get to the eyes and ears of people that need to hear them most. I thought I was blogging to help others see. To wake them up and turn on the light and challenge them to consider things from a new perspective quite different from the habitual way they often think. The truth though, is, I am the one that has learned more than anyone else. Bloggers are some of the most fascinating people I “know”. They have changed my life and the way I view people and the world. There is an underlying tone of trust and care and they too stand looking back just as vulnerable and open as one can be. Maybe they are lonely too. I know I am, in this world of superficial this and superficial that. We take that chance to let another human being really know us if they have the courage to look and we too take on the challenge to look right back.

The greatest gift I have received is time. What an amazing feeling to know my words and my life are important enough for people to drop in and give me their time. What a gift how special they make me feel that my life and my stories are important enough for them to read. It’s sad almost that I feel my regular followers know me on a deeper level than most of my closest friends and family. In my blog, I bare my soul, and the best part is knowing it is safe there in their gentle hands.

Blogging has changed my life. It has given me the courage and the confidence to speak up with no regrets. I am grateful that I had the courage to start in the first place and now it is an extension of who I am. Thank you to everyone who has even taken precious moments of your time to like a post, comment on a post, and especially to those special friends I call my froggers that come back day after day. I appreciate each and everyone of you and on the one year anniversary of my very first post, I sincerely say thanks!

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If Only We Had A Crystal Ball!

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Today is my anniversary. Before I could even open my eyes, my husband was handing me a very heavy gift in a small box. I have learned over the course of our marriage to not get overly excited over his gifts. For anyone that knows him, it is no surprise that he would choose the standard traditional 15 year gift, crystal! It’s not that he doesn’t carefully think out his gifts. It’s just that when it comes to thinking we are not only on a different page, but often in a different country. We will get back to that later. But now, you are all probably wondering what was in the box.

What if I told you I could give you a crystal ball the day you would walk down the aisle as a beautiful bride? What if you could see every day of your future and at that moment decide if you would take that walk?

I remember that day well. There I was in the midst of every planned thing going wrong because the unplanned things were taking over. I remember hearing the music and standing in the back of the church thinking, do I even know this man I am about to marry? The truth is I didn’t. I didn’t know him at all, but what I did know was the kind of person he was. I realized in my 28 short years that love is not a guarantee for a happy life or a successful marriage. So, I did some soul searching and knew there were certain qualities I needed someone to have that would balance me out or compliment mine. That is when I met Scott. I recognized all those things that were so important to me inside of him. I would have plenty of years to get to know him later! So I put a nervous smile on my face and walked down that aisle and the rest is what it is.

I’d like to tell you the last 15 years have been a fairy tale. That would certainly be a lie. We have faced challenges, illness, death of loved ones, surviving moves and adjusting to new towns. It has been really hard. There were even those years we shared the same house and barely spoke, moments we weren’t sure if our marriage would last another day. Those are the circumstances that make you stronger, that bond you in a way that nothing other than death could ever separate. It is the choice to remain in the marriage at those times and actively work to make the relationship better that makes the difference.

Today, I opened that crystal ball with a note that ended with the words “This is a reminder our future together is bright.” Yes, it is a little corny, but I knew in those few words exactly what he meant. We had survived a lot of odds and at this point in our journey, we now really do know we love each other. I’m not sure either one of us really knew this day 15 years ago. I am glad I didn’t have a crystal ball. Marriage, and life, and circumstances have changed the two of us. Who knows what we would have chosen that day if we could only see our life without going through the experience. Today, I am confident we would choose each other without ever giving it a second thought.

It has been an interesting ride and there is no one I would rather be with on this journey of life. I have found the right partner and friend that allows and encourages me to be the best me I could ever be. So on this day, I say thank you to the man that has always been by my side through thick and thin, good times and bad, and has never quit on trying to make our a marriage a successful one. He is my best friend, honest critic, confidant, cheerleader and the perfect balance to the person I am. Our lives and souls have meshed together the way they were meant to the day we said our vows. We have beat the odds and ended up in an honest and happy time in our lives together. Today we celebrate all of it, every minute, every experience, every memory and look forward to what our future holds.

What will the next 15 years bring? Whatever I tell him I see in that crystal ball. Stupid man!