Hi!

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The sun came out here for the first time in 8 days. I’m counting my blessings in little things like a few hours of sunshine. How is everyone holding up? We are all in these unsettling days together so I wanted to reach out and just say hi and see how everyone is holding up. There’s nothing better than a community that stays connected. Blessings to all!

Just Be Aware

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I used to think that certain triggers bring out the worst in some people. The truth is people show their true colors over time. Haters gonna hate, lovers gonna love, peace keepers gonna keep the peace. When I see some of the horrible comments people make and the all too willing judgements they are willing to pass, it’s hard to deny that there is an ugliness that exists in these difficult times. People are obsessed with complaining and demeaning and feel its their personal responsibility to be everyone’s judge and jury. Instead of getting angry, I do my best to use this realization to be a better person. We have to stop this negativity toward one another and find a way to rise above our own smallness and grow people tall. We are not in this world to make others look small and we certainly don’t appear any bigger cutting someone else down to size. As we go through this day, pay attention to how many times your thoughts lead to judgement. Count how many times you silently wish someone well. You may just be surprised at the quality and quantity of each thought. Awareness is the key to making significant change, so today just be aware. 

Be the Difference

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My lifeless form stood there tired and deflated. I had reached rock bottom and my heart was hurting as I replayed the day’s events over in my mind. I just couldn’t shake the ache. My physical body was present but the shell of emptiness inside of me had a presence that filled the entire arena. My husband surprised me with Florida Georgia Line tickets and I stood on that floor looking at the people around me. They were drinking beer and smiling and I was silently dying. I wanted the floor to swallow me up so I could disappear and find some comfort in sleep. 

Depression is a difficult thing. One minute you are fine and the next you are drowning underneath the stress life throws your way. It’s not just something you shake off like a bad mood or a bad day. It swallows you up, consumes you until you are frozen in time desperate for a way out but no energy to make your escape. I share these things because if I suffer in silence, I know others do too. I am blessed to have someone in my life who is patient with me. It isn’t easy for anyone. 

It took a while but slowly I felt a smile creep across my face. The breakthrough in that moment was palpable. I could feel the bass shake something inside of me. I could feel something again and I was grateful. Sometimes all it takes is a reminder that there is life inside the shell and the emptiness is only an illusion. These moments don’t always come but when they do you embrace each second, soak up the relief and move on.

Be kind to others around you. You have no idea the demons they face or their struggle to get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes we need to feel peace and love and the constant fighting and aggression in the world takes a heavy toll. Sometimes all this meanness makes us want to retreat and disappear to someplace safe. Sometimes we need a happy place but depression makes that place impossible to find. Reach out to someone who looks like they are hurting. Have a conversation, invite someone for coffee. Make someone feel important. These little things go a long way. Be the difference someone needs today.

Nothing But Light

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I went to another concert last night. I was left with this image of the entire arena filled with individual lights. It was a beautiful sight. Sometimes I don’t see the light in others because I don’t want to look hard enough but last night all I saw was light. What an amazing  feeling. One that left me full of hope. What was your glimmer of hope today?

Sometimes I Forget

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Sometimes I forget what it’s like to feel happy in a room filled with smiling people. With so much conflict and protesting recently, a night out at an awesome concert felt really good. As I looked around at the genuine joy on people’s faces, my eyes filled up with tears. This is the way it’s supposed to be I thought to myself as I wiped away a tear with the cuff of my sleeve. I thanked God for that moment and that I was mindful enough to experience and enjoy it.  Sometimes I forget that we make life so much harder than it needs to be. We complicate the very relationships that are meant to be beautiful by destroying them with our ugliness. Sometimes I forget what peace feels like but last night I felt it. I remembered and I am grateful.

You Are Not Alone

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Shout out to anyone on the verge of a panic attack. Hugs and love to each one of you fighting your way through depression each and everyday. Empathy to the parents who worry about your kids with each tick of the clock and struggle with the fear that you haven’t been enough. Support to the parents who know the pain of watching kids who struggle in school and the fight and dedication it takes to battle a system that is lose-lose. Love to those who feel hopeless, alone and broken hearted. My hearts broken too. I have to calm myself down several times a day and have the courage to crawl away from the edge of the cliff. I too worry and question if my parenting has damaged my kids. I wonder if I have done enough, loved enough, if I am enough. You are not alone. Sometimes we fixate too hard on our differences and we miss the chance to make real connections on a level where we are very much the same. This is me reaching out to say I see you. I know you’re there. I hear your cries for help and the pounding of your heart underneath your fancy clothes. I feel your loneliness when I see that look of desperation in your eyes. I am here. I see you. I just thought you should know.

What Are You Grateful For Right Now?

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Let’s face it, I’m not so sure people have been feeling very thankful lately. Sometimes our ability to feel gratitude is dependent on how well things are going for us at a particular time. The truth is, the times you are feeling your worst are the times you need to reach out and find at least something everyday you can be thankful for. Today, I am grateful for the blogging community. The way we respect one another’s views while at the same time challenging one another to think about something differently makes the world a better place. Thank you for the loving, inclusive group that you are. My heart is full. What are you grateful for today? 

The Power of Connection

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Even I forget how powerful it can be to feel connected. Today was the homecoming parade in anticipation of tomorrow nights game. If I’m being totally honest I have to admit that in the six years I have lived here I have never made an effort to feel like part of the community. Often times I feel isolated and alone and part of the reason is most people who live here were born and raised here and well, there’s only so much room in a small town. But tonight, as the band played that familiar song and I recognized many faces riding on the floats throwing candy to the crowd, I felt a little tug at my heart and for a moment it felt really good. In this detached world of texting and social media, now more than ever, it is so important to feel part of something bigger than myself. When is the last time you felt really connected? Is it something that matters in your life or can you live without it?