This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!
I am totally committed to not worrying anymore. I have worked very hard this summer to change the inner dialogue going on inside of me. I realize now that most of the suffering and stress I experienced last year was self induced and I can only hope and pray I learned from some very unnecessary mistakes.
They say people can’t change but I’m not buying into that theory at all. I am on a mission to continuously mold and form into the person I am meant to be. I will never be perfect and I don’t even believe perfection exists. At least not in the human form. So how am I different than the person who sat in this chair blogging a year ago today? I am no longer s fighter or a warrior for any cause. I cannot save the world and I have decided Instead to save myself and be an inspiration for the few people who are within my reach. I have decided to settle in and let life fall the way it will. I am now a lover and promoter of peace and I realize if I make the decision to fight for something than I am choosing battle and passing up what’s most important in my life right now that is unquestionably peace.
As my kids enter school this year they will face very different challenges as a senior and a freshman. As a parent, I will confront a whole new set of challenges as well but I will not give any of it an ounce of thought. I will not be a prisoner to worry and I am committed to taking life a single day at a time and trusting that the experience I already have and the faith I have in my own ability to figure things out will get through whatever is placed directly in my path. I have a new sense of confidence and every single day I will look in the mirror and repeat these words:
Today is a clean slate. When we leave yesterday behind and we allow tomorrow to begin tomorrow, today offers so much hope. Today is whatever you want it to be. The question is, what do you want it to be?
My mantra for today: Today I will be still. I will allow the things I cannot change to flow through so they do not cling to me. I will make a choice to let them go and trust that everything is okay the way it is in this moment.
I found a beautiful rose bush last spring and was immediately drawn to it. I don’t normally notice white roses but the ones on this bush were so delicate, beautiful. I was apprehensive about planting it behind the pool at the back of my fence. I wanted it to be closer to the house so I could look out my window and enjoy the roses every day. My husband strongly encouraged me to stick with the plan and put it in the back and so I agreed. I could see the bush shrinking in size as the number of blooms also decreased. The leaves seemed to be losing their color and finally the bush became so small I could barely see it. I had my husband dig it up and replant it in the original place I wanted it to be. Today, for the first time in months, I noticed a bloom.
This is a reminder to never give up. If you don’t seem to be getting anywhere, sometimes you need to make a change. Ask yourself, what am I doing that is holding me back? Is it carrying around a negative attitude, staying in a job or relationship that is robbing you of the happiness, allowing yourself to remain stuck because you are convincing yourself that is your fate? Sometimes the first step is moving your own feel. You will know you are headed in the right direction because just like the roses, you will start to grow. Make a change. Have the courage to take the first step.
After feeling knocked down yesterday, I’ve decided today will be a one foot in front of the other day. It’s easy to draw that black cloud of doom and gloom directly over my head when I focus too far in the future. It’s no wonder I get swept away in feeling so overwhelmed. It’s important to take things one day at a time so I can keep moving slowly in the right direction. Slowly is better than not moving at all. Projecting thoughts away from today results in feeling stuck and helpless with no way out. Taking one thing at a time allows me the energy, perseverance, and confidence to tackle everything I need to do today so I can walk into tomorrow feeling prepared and ready for whatever arrives. Don’t defeat yourself and your purpose by putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. That is guaranteed to get you nowhere. Believe me, I know.
This is the last unfortunate story I will share about my week. I will start by saying every day is a new day and every week, a new week. What does not completely destroy us will have to make us stronger. Life gives us no other choice.
After getting some difficult news earlier in the week, I pulled myself together to go to Kayleigh’s volleyball game. That’s what parents do, no matter what they are going through on the inside, they stay strong and steady on the outside. The season is practically over and I have seen my daughter play in one game. I could see the pain on her face as she sat on that bench. She was the only girl not subbed in the entire game. Her posture said it all, defeat. She lost so much more than just the game that horrible night. I could see her fighting back the tears as I tried my best to hide my own. I can’t for the life of me figure out why this coach has been so unkind. I am so honest when it comes to my kids strengths and weaknesses and she really is just as good as any other girl on the team. She has given up so many hours of her time, sometimes going to three games a week and forced to sit there while freshman, and varsity play as well. Did I mention staying up until one in the morning to do the work she was not allowed to do at the game? Has it been worth it? Nope. Not to sit on the bench game after game trying her best to high five her teammates and put on a happy face.
She came to us after the game and told us she wanted to quit. I know there are some parents out there that are firm believers, if you start something, you should finish it. I used to feel that way too. As the years have gone by, I realize how important it is to make sure the activities and people around her build her self esteem, not rip it away. There comes a time when you say, this isn’t fair and you do deserve better, your time is important, you’re important. There comes a point when you don’t allow someone to take away what isn’t theirs to take. Shame on anyone who would purposely do this to any child. Sometimes I think people working in any capacity with kids need a thorough mental exam before we entrust them with the most precious thing in our little world.
Volleyball meant so much to her. She was so excited to get back on the court and I was thrilled to see her follow her heart and do what she really loves. Such a shame. Needless to say, she went to practice the next day and told her coach exactly how she felt and what did her coach say? I understand you not wanting to be on the team anymore, finalizing the decision instead of having a conversation. Once again, she walks away from another sport, another coach who clearly sends the message, I don’t believe in you. You are not enough. What can I say except my heart still hurts. Two difficult lessons in the span of a week and another part of my heart broke watching her in pain. The toughest job in the world is being a mom. I am more than her mom. I am her advocate, her cheering squad, her shoulder to lean on and the one person in the world who will always be here for her, believing in her. I pray loving her will be enough.