This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!
I am totally committed to not worrying anymore. I have worked very hard this summer to change the inner dialogue going on inside of me. I realize now that most of the suffering and stress I experienced last year was self induced and I can only hope and pray I learned from some very unnecessary mistakes.
They say people can’t change but I’m not buying into that theory at all. I am on a mission to continuously mold and form into the person I am meant to be. I will never be perfect and I don’t even believe perfection exists. At least not in the human form. So how am I different than the person who sat in this chair blogging a year ago today? I am no longer s fighter or a warrior for any cause. I cannot save the world and I have decided Instead to save myself and be an inspiration for the few people who are within my reach. I have decided to settle in and let life fall the way it will. I am now a lover and promoter of peace and I realize if I make the decision to fight for something than I am choosing battle and passing up what’s most important in my life right now that is unquestionably peace.
As my kids enter school this year they will face very different challenges as a senior and a freshman. As a parent, I will confront a whole new set of challenges as well but I will not give any of it an ounce of thought. I will not be a prisoner to worry and I am committed to taking life a single day at a time and trusting that the experience I already have and the faith I have in my own ability to figure things out will get through whatever is placed directly in my path. I have a new sense of confidence and every single day I will look in the mirror and repeat these words:
Today is a clean slate. When we leave yesterday behind and we allow tomorrow to begin tomorrow, today offers so much hope. Today is whatever you want it to be. The question is, what do you want it to be?
My mantra for today: Today I will be still. I will allow the things I cannot change to flow through so they do not cling to me. I will make a choice to let them go and trust that everything is okay the way it is in this moment.
I found a beautiful rose bush last spring and was immediately drawn to it. I don’t normally notice white roses but the ones on this bush were so delicate, beautiful. I was apprehensive about planting it behind the pool at the back of my fence. I wanted it to be closer to the house so I could look out my window and enjoy the roses every day. My husband strongly encouraged me to stick with the plan and put it in the back and so I agreed. I could see the bush shrinking in size as the number of blooms also decreased. The leaves seemed to be losing their color and finally the bush became so small I could barely see it. I had my husband dig it up and replant it in the original place I wanted it to be. Today, for the first time in months, I noticed a bloom.
This is a reminder to never give up. If you don’t seem to be getting anywhere, sometimes you need to make a change. Ask yourself, what am I doing that is holding me back? Is it carrying around a negative attitude, staying in a job or relationship that is robbing you of the happiness, allowing yourself to remain stuck because you are convincing yourself that is your fate? Sometimes the first step is moving your own feel. You will know you are headed in the right direction because just like the roses, you will start to grow. Make a change. Have the courage to take the first step.
After feeling knocked down yesterday, I’ve decided today will be a one foot in front of the other day. It’s easy to draw that black cloud of doom and gloom directly over my head when I focus too far in the future. It’s no wonder I get swept away in feeling so overwhelmed. It’s important to take things one day at a time so I can keep moving slowly in the right direction. Slowly is better than not moving at all. Projecting thoughts away from today results in feeling stuck and helpless with no way out. Taking one thing at a time allows me the energy, perseverance, and confidence to tackle everything I need to do today so I can walk into tomorrow feeling prepared and ready for whatever arrives. Don’t defeat yourself and your purpose by putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. That is guaranteed to get you nowhere. Believe me, I know.
This is the last unfortunate story I will share about my week. I will start by saying every day is a new day and every week, a new week. What does not completely destroy us will have to make us stronger. Life gives us no other choice.
After getting some difficult news earlier in the week, I pulled myself together to go to Kayleigh’s volleyball game. That’s what parents do, no matter what they are going through on the inside, they stay strong and steady on the outside. The season is practically over and I have seen my daughter play in one game. I could see the pain on her face as she sat on that bench. She was the only girl not subbed in the entire game. Her posture said it all, defeat. She lost so much more than just the game that horrible night. I could see her fighting back the tears as I tried my best to hide my own. I can’t for the life of me figure out why this coach has been so unkind. I am so honest when it comes to my kids strengths and weaknesses and she really is just as good as any other girl on the team. She has given up so many hours of her time, sometimes going to three games a week and forced to sit there while freshman, and varsity play as well. Did I mention staying up until one in the morning to do the work she was not allowed to do at the game? Has it been worth it? Nope. Not to sit on the bench game after game trying her best to high five her teammates and put on a happy face.
She came to us after the game and told us she wanted to quit. I know there are some parents out there that are firm believers, if you start something, you should finish it. I used to feel that way too. As the years have gone by, I realize how important it is to make sure the activities and people around her build her self esteem, not rip it away. There comes a time when you say, this isn’t fair and you do deserve better, your time is important, you’re important. There comes a point when you don’t allow someone to take away what isn’t theirs to take. Shame on anyone who would purposely do this to any child. Sometimes I think people working in any capacity with kids need a thorough mental exam before we entrust them with the most precious thing in our little world.
Volleyball meant so much to her. She was so excited to get back on the court and I was thrilled to see her follow her heart and do what she really loves. Such a shame. Needless to say, she went to practice the next day and told her coach exactly how she felt and what did her coach say? I understand you not wanting to be on the team anymore, finalizing the decision instead of having a conversation. Once again, she walks away from another sport, another coach who clearly sends the message, I don’t believe in you. You are not enough. What can I say except my heart still hurts. Two difficult lessons in the span of a week and another part of my heart broke watching her in pain. The toughest job in the world is being a mom. I am more than her mom. I am her advocate, her cheering squad, her shoulder to lean on and the one person in the world who will always be here for her, believing in her. I pray loving her will be enough.
I posted earlier on the importance of choosing your own path. Even though it’s hard, there comes a time when it is necessary to live for yourself. As a mom, I really feel it’s my obligation to support the decisions my kids make, even when I am silently dying inside because I want them to do something else. I do believe this may be one of the hardest challenges of parenting but also the most rewarding.
My daughter has been on a swim team since she’s been 5 years old. For 11 years, we sat on the sidelines cheering her on. I have always loved to watch her race. I looked so forward to the start of every season. I couldn’t even breathe when she came to me a few weeks ago and told me she wanted to play volleyball. She contacted the coach who kindly allowed her to try out recently, even though the official tryouts were held at the end of last school year. I felt instantaneous panic creeping inside of my chest. This is your junior year, what are you thinking? There are teammates who are counting on you, how could you do this? Oh my God! How could she not swim? She only has two years of high school left and this has been her sport for so many years.
Today I had lunch with her after I bought her $70 volleyball shoes. She looked me straight in the eyes and with a huge smile on her face, said, “it sure feels good to enjoy a sport again.”. My heart sank and it was in that single, defined moment that I realized for the last few years, swimming has been my sport and not hers. For the first time I was very proud that I stood behind her as she walked in a direction different than I had hoped. All that really matters is her happiness and I need to keep reminding myself of that. What makes me happy, what I think will make her happy and what actually does make her happy are entirely different things. I don’t have all the answers, at least not for her. We are so different, so the chance of living our lives the same way is probably more impossible than even I had ever imagined. You know what? It’s going to be okay. I’ve given her a great foundation and now I need to let her fly so she can gain confidence in making those decisions for herself without fearing or dreading any resistance or disappointment from me. That always has been her best stroke, AND fly she did, right out to her car and off to practice. She barely made it down the stairs her legs were hurting so bad from all the miles she’s had to run. I watched her pop an ibuprofen to numb some of the pain from the 600 sit-ups and push-ups she’s had to do in the last 2 days to make up for the practices she missed before she joined the team and STILL she left with a smile on her beautiful face. I haven’t seen a smile like that in such a long while. And even better, the swim coach is allowing her to come back to the team after volleyball season is over. She may not be as good of a swimmer as other years but she sure will be a happier one.
Do you ever feel all out of sorts? Sometimes I don’t even realize how scattered I am until I hit my yoga mat. There really is something to feeling grounded. For me, it is a quiet confidence that everything will be okay. It is a feeling of being safe and supported and ready to take on anything that comes my way. How about you? What do you do to feel grounded and what does being grounded mean to you?
Bend so you do not break. What do those words mean to you? It seems like people are so rigid anymore. They are afraid to give an inch, a quarter, kindness, compromise in fear that something will break them, destroy who they are, take what they have.
Have you ever just sat and watched a tree? I love the sound it makes as a gentle breeze blows through the leaves. It moves just enough to follow the pattern of the gentle wind. I have also watched these same trees in horrendous winds. They blow and bend almost in half and still they do not break. You would think they would just snap in half but somehow, someway they manage to bounce back looking the same way as they did before.
Be like a tree, learn how to bend. Be flexible and go with the flow. You Are resilient and beautifully grounded and it is in that grounded place that you will find the confidence to bend. Nothing can break you.