I like to think I have things under control. Most of my time is spent making sure everything is lined up perfectly in advance. The second something goes wrong(which seems like every other second) I panic. I never suffered from anxiety before but this year it introduced itself and moved into my home. Do I know worrying is a waste of time? Do I realize panicking will not change the situation? Of course I do. Maybe that is what is most frustrating of all.
One of those moments presented itself today that sent me straight into swearing and palpitations. It’s like being on speed and not being able to contain all the energy inside of me. Sometimes I wish I could burst just to let some pressure out. It sits on my chest and it’s heavy and I feel like it’s hard to breathe. But today, that’s exactly what I did do. I said to myself, all I can do is breathe and I focused on doing that and nothing else. One breath at a time I could feel myself calm. This incredible urge to remedy the problem quieted down enough that my heartbeat returned to normal.
Anxiety is a tough thing to swallow and I know how difficult it is for the people who live with and love someone who suffers. It’s important to know that we cannot control it. It’s just as frustrating for us as it is for everyone else. So be supportive. Offer your calm in their time of crazy. You will be surprised at the difference it makes.
There I said it, I’m a controL freak. I am a firm believer that we are faced with different situations to teach us a particular lesson until we finally start to get it. When I look closely at what is being to presented to me, there seems to be a common theme. Control.
If you speak to my family and friends, they will tell you my house is always clean. I am crazy when it comes to my house. I have this insatiable need to keep it presentable and organized with as little clutter as possible. For me, a clean house is a clear and calm mind. I don’t even try and understand it, I just make it happen.
Last year we battled fruit flies and it was an exhausting experience. This year it’s pantry moths. I have spent the entire morning throwing out food and wiping my pantry off with Clorox, vinegar and soap and water.
I am an absolute baby when it comes to bugs. Every time one flies at me, I scream like a 5 year old girl. I smashed one with my hand earlier and it got stuck to my finger. The way I carried on, you would think I needed to cut it off.
So, control. This is a reminder that no matter how clean I keep my house, no matter how hard I try and manipulate my surroundings, I will never, ever be in control. Not only do I have to allow this in my life, I also need to be able to work around it. These bugs are supposed to be lesson for me and as I smash each one, I will be thankful and let them know how grateful I am that they are infesting my clean house.
More about control later, I must get back to removing these bugs. What are some obvious lessons that have been presenting themselves to you lately? I’d love to hear about it.
1) Hire a live in therapist, not for your teen but for yourself
2) Ship your teen off to bordering school so someone else is responsible for the way your teen turns out
3) Develop a warped sense of humor
4) Lock yourself in the bedroom and don’t come out until they’re ready to leave for college
5) Convince yourself they got all your husbands genes so you have no influence on who they have become
6) Get a lobotomy so you have no recollection of those years at all
We could all use a little help from our friends. Let me know if there are some I have missed!