When Love is Replaced By Hate

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Not long ago, I wore a pair of shoes that rubbed the skin right off the top of my feet. I didn’t know the pain could be any worse until I stepped into the ocean. That saying about pouring salt in the wounds couldn’t be more true. The pain was excruciating. The sting stayed long after my feet were out of the water.

That is what it is like being around people with bad relationships. Years of watching people you love speak with such anger and disrespect toward one another leaves a gaping hole in the middle of your heart. Their words, their resentment, their attitude and actions are the salt that continually burns you up until the pain is so bad you feel sick inside. How can people who once loved each other become so miserable, so hateful? How can people be so angry that they feel justified to speak to their spouse in such a hateful tone? Day in and day out its blame, criticism, name calling, misery. What kind of life can you possibly have when you choose these horrible ways of living day after day? What happens to the people that see it year after year, every holiday, every single day? It makes everything awful for anyone around them. It’s so uncomfortable and disheartening that you wish you could crawl under a rock and hide until you find a way to escape. Do people become so consumed that they can’t even recognize what they are doing to the people around them? Do they even care because their hate for someone is stronger than their love for everyone else? It’s awful to watch from the sidelines and it just makes you never want to step foot in another game. It’s a sad way to remember people who once held such worth in your heart. It hurts to look back on all the times that could have been happy if only the hate would go away. Hate and anger destroy everyone. It starts on the inside until their is no kindness left to share and then it eats away at all the innocent people who try to love those filled with such contempt. Mostly it’s just sad. It makes me want to cry and never open my heart again. That wound gets deeper and bigger until I can’t feel anything around people except pain. I can’t stand by and watch. I don’t want to. It’s slowly killing me inside and I don’t want to witness it anymore. Have you ever experienced anyone you love in such a conflicted relationship? How do you handle it?

Rebuilding Yourself

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Have you ever been in complete disbelief about something? Your mind and your emotions, ever single sense goes into complete shock. Your ears lose the ability to really hear what is going on around you. You trick yourself into believing what will not destroy you. You are just not ready to face the reality that is about to consume your life and turn it upside down. Your eyes, they cannot bear to see the truth that is showing you life as you once knew it is over and it is time to start over, find a new normal and a place you can feel safe enough to have the confidence to start to begin again. How do you stand there staring into the eye of the storm that is heading straight for you, reaching out to pull you in, shaking you up and leaving you there looking at the safe place you used to hide completely destroyed and lying in pieces at your own bare feet? It is only when you are completely destroyed and wrecked to your very core that you can rebuild again. You will never be you again but you will build a new, stronger you one board at a time, one day at a time. You can do it, I just know you can.