It’s really a test for me when the first thing that shows up in the morning is confrontation and bad energy. I’ve come to that place in life where I have no interest in that anymore. There are very few people worth salvaging my inner peace for and I’ve been removing the ones I can a little more each day. It’s not that I can’t be friends with people who feel different than I do, I am simply not in the game of proving who is better, smarter or has more value. To have to spend comment after comment, tit for tat over complete nonsense is not how I want to spend my time and energy. If we disagree, we disagree. Game over. Move on. So what. Big deal. Friends accept a difference in opinion and they know when their friendship is worth more and they simply move on. Why the constant bickering? Are we more obsessed with being right than we are with being kind? I’m afraid so.
Earlier, on the way home from a swim meet, I had a talk with my 17 year old daughter. She was explaining her despair and frustration over nasty girls leading her senior class. These girls are well liked, popular girls who do some really mean things to really good people. Their example is unfortunately one being followed by the weaker minded people of the crowd. The nice girls who are good students and kind human beings are their victims. They go after them fiercely until they do whatever it takes in their power to run them down and make them an outcast. Tonight is their semi dance. It’s her senior year and she is deflated over making the decision to ride the senior party bus. She knows many riders are not her people but some of her friends wanted to be on it. The conflict is, some of her other friends are the victims. We are pulled to the party bus. We want to be with the in crowd, making headlines so we can say we were along for the ride. We want to hold our sign and pose for selfies so we can litter the internet with our powerful smile with the caption “there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” We talked about the parallel with what is going on in America now. The trade off is falling victim to wanting to be part of something bigger than ourselves because somewhere along the way, we have stopped feeling big enough alone. Innocent people are willing to play the part of pawns in a very dangerous game. We all want to be in a group that makes us feel like a badass. We love the energy generated by the whole power in numbers thing but sometimes, if we are not careful, we take it too far. It is in that shining moment when our ego gorges itself and we feel full and whole again. At least we pretend we do until the next party bus rolls on through and reluctantly, we step on because we’ve mistaken it for home. It is that moment when we’ve never felt more alone. We have to stop looking outward and to other people for a sense of self worth and purpose. We won’t gain it during a protest or a million person march. We certainly won’t find it on any party bus. You are good enough. It’s time to look in the mirror and say, I am enough. We all have a calling. We have gifts that we were given to make this world a better place. You can’t find love or force love. You are love. It is up to you to decide what you do with it. Love and power don’t mix. Love is selfless, it lifts others up and does not judge another as less that oneself. It does not march against but yet towards something greater for everyone. Love listens. Love hears the truth even when it hurts. Love does not force. Love does not purposely harm. Love does not divide. Pride does. My heart aches for my daughter tonight. I know the battle well and I understand how lonely it can feel to stand alone. I also know how awful it feels to dive in to a place head first where you were never meant to fit in. Love does not resist. Love leans in and reaches out. I hope she finds her people tonight. I hope they will recognize each other through the crowd and find some peace. Love seeks peace. Pride seeks fame and self. It’s up to you to understand the difference.
I am very disheartened by the news that so many performers are either backing out or simply afraid to perform at the inauguration. I don’t care who you voted for or how you feel about Donald Trump. This should be alarming for all of us. We call someone a bully and then in the next breath we stand together to bully anyone who stands in the way of how we think everything should be. The hypocrisy is so loud it is screaming for us to take notice. Our lives have started to take place in a circus tent where we have become the monkeys and we are putting on one hell of a show. When did it become so hard for people to be told no? We will continue to bully and berate as we abuse the freedoms we were given to inflict our way. The truth is, there are more people than those like-minded few who we lock down in our inner circle. I don’t care what side your on or whether you lean this way or that. Last time I checked, the world was round and flat so there were no sides or tilt to one diresction or the other. The sides we speak of are of our own creation and the only reason we choose a side is to show that we are against the other. I don’t even want to talk about this anymore but is getting so out of control that it causes me so much distress. People against bullying bully. People who want to include everyone are dividing. Am I the only one who sees the hypocrisy here? We the people are fed up. I know this person is. Why even bother to spread a good word and be a decent human being when the rug is being yanked out from underneath me? When will it stop? When you get your way? When I get mine? What about when our ways are different? Should we fight to the death? Destroy each other and our country one day at a time at the cost of winning the golden trophy? You can have it. I’m done. Not everyone wants a ticket to this ridiculous circus. I know I don’t.
I am starting to fear that this is the movement going on in America. Just turn on your tv and you will see people holding signs that read F Trump. Listen up and you will hear voices joining together to scream their message across the land. F police, f elections, f rules, f the law. F you and you and you and everyone else who doesn’t want the same things I believe and share my same vision for the world. F republicans, f democrats, f the constitution, f her, f him, and f bigots. Do people even understand what that word really means? Im doubtful because wouldn’t they see the hypocrisy if they really did? F everything America stands for if we don’t get our way. Even Hollywood and the music industry is raising this message even higher. Where are the leaders and the role models who have been blessed with talents and opportunities to lead the people with some class? Is this the kind of leadership we need? Audacious people who go into Trump Tower and ask the President Elect to step down before he’s even sworn in? Who do people think they are these days? Has respect become a thing of the past? How about self respect? Do people feel no shame getting caught on video beating a veteran to his death, a mother who throws out her 7 year old son for supporting Trump? A class full of students who chant build that wall to humiliate another student? Do we blame these kids? They look up to us and what are we showing them? Who is instilling their fear? We are because we are selfish. Since when did we start treating little kids like they were adults?What will I tell my children? Tell them nothing right now they are children! Maybe they should be the adults because I swear they act better than we do. They are open and kind and see the world through eyes of hope. What right do we have to rip that away? This is not their battle. It is ours. The adults. The teachers. The parents. Sigh! They are watching protestors hold signs that read RAPE MELANIA. They are listening to the news disrespect and demean our presidential candidates. They are hearing people are hateful, racist, xenophobic, sexist. KEEP putting those things out there long enough and eventually we will all believe it. Is it out there? Sure. People are always going to think they are better than someone else. We can’t make every drop of hate disappear but the majority of us are loving, kind human beings who are trying to get through everyday of our own lives. They are spinning the truth to make people seriously believe that there is a large majority of haters in this world. They spread the message that we hate foreigners. We hate gays and immigrants and we are trying to wipe these factions out of America. The truth is, a fact is that coming here illegally is against the law. Many of us want the laws followed. We believe they are there for our own protection but when rules and laws can be broken without consequence and we become okay with that, we end up with people rioting and violence and destruction and we blame who? The people who respect and encourage law. I just don’t get it. The people I know care about people period. They don’t slap labels on them. They are just human beings trying to survive in a world where leaders have been purposely ripping us apart. It’s time to be honest and ask, what am I doing to contribute to this problem? This is not about the collective good of America, this is a pure selfish arrogance driven by energy that is destroying the United States. If my mother heard me say the words FU or hold a sign implying the same, I would shudder to think of the shame that would follow the first time she stood in front of me and looked into my eyes. She would always say, tell me your company and I will tell you who you are. Or this good one, if your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you thoughtlessly follow? People need to smarten up. They need to get real and honest and humble and take some time to breathe until we all can heal. We will figure this out but saying f you is not the answer. I don’t know what is. That is a clear way of saying I have no respect for whatever they are f’ing against. I am only one person but I am desperately trying to figure out a way to help. My fear is that when you read about this time period in the history books, we will be known as Famerica because America will be no more.
The way I see it, people love to be divided. They say they want to be one unified nation cradled in the arms of equality but the truth is we are not big enough to break out of our own skin. We are too human and too greedy and too selfish to rise above the tidal wave that continues to slam and rip apart the very country we live in. We don’t really want to get along, we want to be right, we want to be even, we want to be special above all others. When we keep bringing the past into today, we also push it smack into the middle of our future. Sometimes I wish all memory could be erased and we could start over without carting along deep seated grudges, prejudices, anger, hatred, resentment. I’m sure you get the point. My heart hurts when I watch people use words that ignite the flame, you know the flame, the one that grows into an inferno charring the spirits of the ones who are weak and foolish enough to listen. I dream of a place without guilt and anger and vengeance but that place only exists in my mind. What do you think? Will there ever be enough love, forgiveness and letting go to finally create a better world than the one our ancestors created in the past? Will we ever move on? Will we ever REALLY want to? Will we ever REALLY learn how to escape the chains that bind us, especially the emotional ones that tie us to the same fate in a different form? I just don’t think it will happen in my lifetime and that just makes me sad. What do you think?
So my mom does this little thing that made me think about something today. Sometimes when we are having a conversation about something she doesn’t want to hear or I have an opinion completely different than hers, she will say “Goodbye Kim” and hang up the phone. I noticed also when I blog about something that people have strong opinions toward I will often lose a follower or two. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen. It makes we wonder why we cannot tolerate listening to opinions that are different from our own. I will say this. My opinion is not the word of God. It is neither right nor wrong. In fact, it isn’t really even that important. It is just the way I feel about a particular situation. If it stirs emotion in you the reader, than somewhere it strikes a cord with you personally. My opinion is only offensive if you allow it to be. My opinion and words can only inspire you if you choose to allow them to. Otherwise, I am just a simple girl writing down some feelings and words.
It’s okay to disagree, really it is. But to personally attack someone who feels differently than you takes things to a whole new level. I am open to others opinions. I will respectfully listen and I will respond. I will not however stoop to the point that I disrespect a person over a silly disagreement over something at the end of the day that really doesn’t personally affect or concern me. People need to find a way to be more open to communication. We have fallen victim to arguing and insulting and somewhere along the way, respect for each individual has been lost. Respecting someone does not mean you sacrifice who or what you believe for the sake of giving someone else what he or she wants. Respect, at least to me, does not involve one side ending in a win or defeat. Respect is agreeing to disagree or not expecting someone to sacrifice their beliefs for yours. Respect is not always getting your way and being okay with that. Respect is sometimes walking away from an argument or a fight and sometimes just choosing to remain quiet. Respect is never offending another human being or assuming your needs and wants trump anyone else’s . We are a selfish society and we all feel entitled to life exactly the way we feel it should be. There are way too many people for that to ever result in anyone ever being truly satisfied. It’s a tug if war. Pull a little and give some slack. We can’t pull and pull and pull or we will become so tired that we will just crash. Don’t make things personal, especially when it comes to a silly opinion. Stopping following someone because of one post where your beliefs strongly disagree says quite a bit about our society today. We only want to surround ourselves with people who believe the same and want the same and maybe even act the same. Who are we to play God and to judge and pick and choose the parts we see in other people. They are made up of so many layers on so many levels and because you may support something that I don’t should not separate us. It should simply be noted that you support something I don’t. It shouldn’t define us or our relationships but sadly, we are not yet bigger than our own stifling skin. Maybe someday we will truly learn to love, appreciate and respect our differences as much as we do what makes us the same. Maybe. Maybe not.
Imagine the beauty you would miss in the world if you could only see in black and white. For it is in the midst of all color, our world truly shines. My intention for this wonderful world is that our sight goes much deeper than what we can see with our human eyes. For it is the color of our very soul, and not the color of our skin, that in the end, matters most. Here is something to ponder, have you ever wondered why we all have the same color beating heart? Maybe we should place our intent and focus on the ways we are all the same and less focus on the differences that are tearing us apart. Maybe, just maybe the world would be better off if we were all color blind… I changed my mind.