You Matter

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In a world full of critics, the bravest and most admirable role you could ever play is yourself. When you can be you without reservation or apology, when you can put all of yourself out there in way that leaves you transparent and vulnerable, you have accomplished a freedom that so many long for but will never experience. Courage comes in many forms and there is no greater beauty than seeing someone shine in their own natural light. Don’t ever let anyone tell you who you are. Their labels, opinions and limits can never define you. Only you have the power to do that. Build yourself up in a world that freely participates in tearing one another down. You are amazing for who you are and that isn’t dependent on anything else. Shine today and spread that light deep and far. You matter.

Take a Knee

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Take a knee, don’t take a knee…I just don’t care. I don’t want to be sucked into the endless drama. I will say this though. I have seen several posts telling people what the flag does or not represent and my answer is this. Our experiences and our journey through life determines what something means to us personally. No one has a right to label, define or determine what value something holds for us. Here’s a little story.

Last year I was at an all time low. I was dwelling on the things I was powerless to change and the hopelessness that filled my heart was excruciating. I remember the moment when everything changed and I chuckle even now as I think about it today. I went to Hollywood Studios and I was sitting in a musical sing along for the show Frozen. Let It Go came on and the words hit me like a strike of lightening. In that moment, I became one with an energy that remained part of me. Some could argue it’s just a silly Disney song or represents a meaningless children’s movie but for me it became so much more…my grit, my hope, my determination, my inspiration to get back to being me. Today I walked 5 miles and that song played over and over on repeat for every single step. It is my reminder to leave yesterday behind and keep moving forward. Who knows where my steps will take me but anywhere is better than standing in the same place. 

Let the storm rage on for everyone else but have enough love and respect for each moment you are given to have the courage to Let that #### Go! That is where freedom really is.

What Hurts The Most

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The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd – The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.Fernando Pessoa

Sad but true? What do you think?

The Answer Is Always Love

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A Wise Physician said, “The best medicine for Humans is LOVE.” Someone asked, “If it doesn’t work?” He smiled and answered, “ Increase the dose.”-Unknown

If there is one challenge in this lifetime that is always difficult for me , it is loving people who are unlovable. Every fiber in my body wants to treat them in the same horrible way they treat others and if I’m honest, it happens. Then I remind myself that everyone deserves love no matter how ugly their words or actions are. I am faced with people who challenge me with this very concept on a daily basis and the reason is because I keep failing year after year. I need to dig down and find the strength to finally rise above my own emotions. Will I do it? Maybe not but I will die trying.

Float Away

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Sometimes it’s great to do something new. Last night, we headed to the city to watch the 1st Annual Pumpkin Float. Sure, it was a bit corny but the fall chill was in the air and it was amazingly peaceful watching the lights dance and reflect off the water. They lined up pumpkins and placed them on small platforms tied together and pulled by someone rowing a kayak. And there it was, a parade of pumpkins flowing down a waterway in the middle of beautiful gardens. It was nice to get out as a family and allow the troubles of the week to fall away. We wrapped up the night with a stop at the Spaghetti Warehouse for some delicious pasta. What a way to end the week and start the weekend? How did you spend your Friday night?

When Life is Out of Focus

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Focus, focus, focus, please focus. I find myself saying this over and over a million times a day. I know many people do not believe in ADD but I can tell you this, whatever name you want to call it, there exists a condition in which someone finds it extremely difficult to concentrate attention on just one thing. The result is devastating.

This year is particularly hard for my son. I feel like he is back in 5th grade when he couldn’t complete a thing in class. We would help him with hours and hours of homework and there was never time for anything else. This year is a repeat. The work load in 8th grade is so much greater than any other year. He completes quite a bit in class now but the amount of time it takes him to study and complete homework is affecting us all. We reach a level of frustration that is hard to overcome. I try my best not to get frustrated with him but time after time I fail. My daughter is starting to resent him because he takes up so much of our time. “Let him fail.” That’s what she says and every time I hear it I am more determined to make sure that never happens. I grit my teeth and do whatever it takes. He did much better on the medication but he didn’t like the way it made him feel. His loss of personality was the most difficult side effect for everyone. So, last January, we made the choice to take him off of it.

Sometimes I Just want to cry. I want to cry for him and how difficult it is for him to keep up. I want to cry for the free time he never has because there is always something else to do.  I want to cry for my frustration and inability to show him patience when the clock turns none-thirty at night and there is still work to do. I want to cry because I need a break too and it is no kind of life for any of us when it’s always work, work, work, aggravation and no play. The clock does not exist for someone with ADD, they can only move at one pace.

 He is so smart. I think that’s the hardest part to understand. I tested him over and over on his Spanish words last night. He just couldn’t remember them. He finally starts to get something and then his brain overheats and everything melts away. He needs breaks. Hours of work at a time is not good for someone who has difficulty concentrating. The misconception about ADD is that there is a lack of attention span. That couldn’t be more untrue. Their  focus is just divided up among several different things at once. It’s hard to channel it on one particular thing. He is listening to me, climbing under the cushions on the couch and petting the dog at the same time. I can feel my blood start to boil as I say, go and take a 15 minute break. Like it or not, those breaks are necessary but that also means me will finish 15 minutes later than we should.

I don’t have any answers. I do my best to educate everyone about how difficult this is for families as a whole. Add that to the belief that this condition is made up and the result is not receiving any support. I dread evenings now because I know what they bring. He dreads them too. My daughter resents them and I’m sure my husband wishes my mood wasn’t so affected when home should be a happy place. He is just a kid who wants to go outside after school and ride his dirt bike. I want that for him too. 

Free

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We just hopped in the convertible to go for ice cream. The top was down and the wind was hitting me in the face. I can’t tell you the last time I felt that free.

 When is the last time you felt that kind of freedom?

Forget yesterday – it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow – you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift – today  ~Steve Maraboli

There Is Only One Today

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Well, this is it! The last weekend before school gets off to a chaotic start. One thing I love most about summer is certainly not the intense heat we’ve been having week after week. It’s not the daily ice cream cones or even firing up the grill almost every night. So, what is it then?

 I am the kind of person that does not like to be tied down to a schedule. I love the freedom to pick and choose how I spend every moment of the day instead of being prisoner to a calendar that is always in conflict with my own needs and desires. We have to go here tonight and don’t forget Wednesday night we have to go… There is no end, just beginning after beginning of something else we have to do.

So, how am I going to spend this last glorious weekend before the circus begins again? However I want too. Yes, I will miss you summer! I will miss your freedom, your lazy days and the opportunity to sleep in. Today though, I will not think about tomorrow or next week. I will allow myself to just be here now, today, in this moment that will never come again. How will you spend the weekend?