What kind of people do you surround yourself with? I had a conversation with someone today. I explained I was running into the gym for a quick 20 minute workout. Her response was, why bother? The truth is we have cheerleaders in our lives and we have judges. We have people who lift us up and people who rip us down. We have people who encourage us and others who discourage us. Make sure your people are balanced. It takes all types to keep sane but it is imperative to have someone who is 100% behind you. We need that one person who will cheer for us when we are too tired or discouraged to cheer for ourselves. That one person who says yes you can when we tell ourselves, there’s no way, I just can’t. What percentage of people in your life are supportive? What percentage of people cheer you on? Focus on finding more of them.
There are people in your life who will make time for you and people that just won’t. It’s hard to admit sometimes that you’re not as important to others as they have been to you. There comes a time when you have to back away from people who do not make you a priority and put your time into people who do. The bottom line is, if you really matter to someone, it will be obvious. You will never have to guess.
We used to say I’ll see you later, now replaced with I’ll text you later. We are spending countless hours of quality time with our cell phones and very little time in the company of actual people. It’s a lonely world and the new normal is actually eating me alive. I miss the times when friends got together to talk or shop or sat down to enjoy a meal together. Now a days, everyone is always so busy doing what exactly I don’t even know but just trying to schedule a time or day to meet is so exhausting that usually I can’t even get past that step. It can last days, or weeks and sometimes even months, all the while resulting in texts and messages back and forth that never amount to anything more. I wish it didn’t bother me so much. I wish I didn’t used to have people I adored and loved right on the same street always available and up for any adventure. I wish I didn’t move around as much as I do having to start new friendships and saying goodbye to people I had grown so close to. It’s hard and it’s exhausting and sometimes I think it’s easier to just stay lost and alone. Every time I say goodbye, I leave a little piece of me behind, until one day, I woke up and realized there wasn’t enough left of me to lose.
My wish today is that everyone who reads this reaches out to someone. Call them up, invite them for coffee but make an effort and follow through. People need people, not silly cell phones and computers that make them feel even more alone. Make time now because time is the one thing that runs out quicker than we believe it will.
I have a group of fun friends that plan little get togethers to help encourage us to keep in touch. One in particular came up with the idea of Taco Tuesday. I guess the event really speaks for itself. We meet for dinner every other week Tuesday at various Mexican restaurants. This week Taco Tuesday is scheduled to take place on Wednesday and we are meeting for pizza. I love that I never know what to expect from this crazy girl. I often wonder how other people would view me. Would they consider me boring and predictable or fun and spontaneous? I may have to change my ways. How do you think others see you?
The second I saw this I knew I had to blog about it. Recently, I have stepped back and looked at the people that I have allowed to be part of my life. Looking from afar, I see a pattern that is more of a roadblock than a stepping stone.
There are all kinds of people. There are giving ones,selfish ones, selfless ones, users, fixers, and takers. I find myself choosing to accept everyone into my life. I have an open heart and good intentions. That is admirable. What is foolish though, is believing everyone’s heart is the same as mine.
I never really saw any of this as a problem before, just a small character flaw. Yesterday, my son got in the car and shared a story about chess club. He told me if you beat someone important you are the bounty and win a soda. He came up with a plan to take turns winning and losing with his friend so that could each get a soda. Wow did I see myself ingrained in him. What is the problem with that you might ask? It seems kind if you look at it on the surface. ” Why on earth would you let him win for a soda I asked? Do you not realize for every loss you move down?” He was very proud to be in 4th place. He thought, in his silly little head, that if they both took turns losing and winning, their place would stay the same. I had to explain to him that every loss affects him negatively regardless of the number of wins.
Both my kids are very different, but one thing they have in common is they are kind to their friends. However, one of them is constantly getting used and ending up hurt. Here is the problem. I have taught them to always treat people with kindness and respect. What I didn’t teach them, and where I failed as a person who makes this same mistake myself, is that yes, you always treat people with kindness and respect, but not at the expense of yourself. I missed that somewhere. Sometimes, I really believe that we are meant to grasp certain lessons. If we don’t get it at first we will be given circumstance after circumstance that gives us another chance to learn until life gets so frustrated that is slaps us so hard in the face that we can’t possibly miss it again. Well slap! Slap, slap, slap! I get it now.
There’s another quote that is one of my favorites. It goes something like this, “Not everyone deserves a seat at your table”. These are powerful words that remind us that we do have a choice who we let into our lives. It is in our control who we invite into our most sacred part. We have to pick and choose and we have to be selective. At the end of the day, when you are sitting in your boat weary and tired, who would pick up the oars and let you rest? Who would remind you everyday they did oar? Who would secretly wish you’d sink? Who do you trust to row your boat safely in the right direction? These are hard questions to ask and even harder to answer. Be careful you aren’t weighed down with too many people that just want to hop in and go along for the ride. Eventually, they will drag you down.
I can only pray I will surround myself with the type of friends like the one I try to be. One that is caring and supportive and there when I am really down and out, when I have nothing to offer but my sad self. Someone who will not point out the flaws in my life, but will see past them and help me count my blessings. Someone who will cheer for me to succeed and not secretly let their jealousy wish me harm. I need to be a better role model for my children and my example is their most influential teacher. They are both at such crucial ages and from this day forward, I will teach them better. The perfect balance of being kind, forgiving, and loving, but not at the expense of taking those things away from themselves. The best friend you could ever have is yourself! Be kind to that person and make wise choices. It will make all the difference in the end.
I met a bunch of new girls tonight at a neighborhood party. For the last year I have been wanting to try so many new things. It seems like the people I have called friends the last 2 and a half years don’t want to do anything but go out and eat or go for a drink. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. They seem to be the older 20 something’s and girls in their young 30s. These girls tonight ranged between 42-51. Do you think age might be the difference? The more time goes by, the closer we get to our time running out. Perhaps that is why this group is more adventurous and wants to branch out. I am so grateful I met them tonight. It seems like the younger we are, the more time we take to getting around to doing something. As we get older, Nike describes it best, we JUST DO IT! No thinking or excess planning involved. We already have a few things planned and tomorrow 3 of them will be joining me for their first yoga class. Sometimes we just have to be patient. It is when we are not looking that the right people and circumstances seem to appear. There is always room in my life for a new friend. They all offer something unique and different. I am grateful for all of them.