Breathe

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Sometimes being a parent is so difficult. There are moments that rock you right to the core, situations that crush the only spirit you’ll ever have. I am sitting here, in one of these moments right now trying not to be sick from the heaviness that’s eating me alive from the inside out. I’m reminding myself that life’s not fair and I will face this time and time again until I learn to allow it without feeling these physical reminders that something just isn’t right. 

These words always help me get through just about anything.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom(and the patience) to know the difference. 

 Sometimes, I just breathe. Breathe in calmness,  breathe out bullshit. Get it out, let it go. It’s the only thing I can do to keep from completely crumbling. Life is like that sometimes and there’s nothing you can do but put a smile on your face and wait for this moment to eventually pass. At the end of the day, we just want what’s best for our kids. They may not get the best from anyone else but they will  always get the best from us, the parents who love them so much. 

My Wish For You

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Dear friend I care about,

I know you want to believe that what you have is love, but am here to tell you that love is not pain. I hear it in your words, and feel it in your hope. I feel you holding on to nothing, as the nothing drains every ounce of oxygen from your lungs. I see the pain in your face that you hide behind your smile. I see the change in the person you’ve become as I’ve watched you lose faith in the person you really are. I see you hold on to an image in your head of the way things used to be, but please know images are sometimes distorted. I watch you settle and accept pain because you think that is what love is. I watch you search for help and hope only to stay stuck in the same lonely, dark place. I see the anxiety you feel in your soul as your quiet, calm has become unsettled. I see the desperation to hold on to something that will never be because looking back is less terrifying than looking ahead. I see you breaking apart from trying to fix someone that is beyond repair. I want to take you back in time to see yourself back then, before him. I want to tell you how much I’ve missed the person you used to be before you became a prisoner to him. I want you to feel love again, love that is fulfilling and real. I see you dying inside as I root for you to live again. I know you are looking in all the wrong places for all the right answers and I want to sit you down in front of a mirror, because sometimes you just have to be YOUR OWN hero…..