This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!
We speak often about when it’s time to let go. We fail to remember, sometimes we are meant to build bridges stronger rather than striking a match to burn them down.
When it comes to relationships, often times our pride and ego get in the way. We tell ourselves people don’t deserve our love or kindness and we make the choice to cut them out of our life or worse, we stay and go through the motions imprisoning the other person we never really intend to have a real relationship with again. The truth is, sometimes when someone is pushing us away, it’s necessary to hold on a little bit tighter. People are stubborn today. They also lack a healthy amount of self control. They say and do things that hurt us in the most horrible ways just because they can’t stop themselves. Do we ever ask ourselves if maybe we do the same? Often it takes one person to continue to act from a place of love to assure the relationship will eventually be restored. What I know for certain is someone has to be the bigger person. Someone has to choose to act better to salvage the part of the relationship that might be worth saving. We have to learn to forgive and move on and stop ourselves from saying hateful things out of anger. We need to choose to come from a place of love with our words and actions if we are truly serious about saving our relationships. Sure we can decide we’ve had enough but we cannot ignore the way we damaged the relationship and pass the blame onto somebody else. Relationships are between two people and there is always room for improvement regardless of what side of that relationship you are on. We cannot give up on every relationship when the reality of our humanness shows itself or when we discover our partner isn’t the perfect image we created them to be. No one is perfect so it’s no surprise relationships aren’t perfect either. If you want a good one and you want a good partner, then maybe this is the time you need to choose to be one. Start there. You can’t change your partner but you do have the opportunity to change yourself.
Remember, anyone can throw a match but it takes a strong, patient, dedicated person to build a solid bridge.
There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this~Terry Pratchett
I just heard the garbage truck in front of my house. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could dump all our crap into a single container for someone else to take away? Take it, every single thing. Rid us of the memories of people who hurt us, bad decisions, regret, blame, pain, hate, mean words, anger,emotional baggage, lies you tell yourself.
All of it.
Imagine it pulling away.
Now start your day fresh. I will be blogging more about this later.
Jennifer Pastiloff posted a question on Facebook. What’s one old/ bad story you tell yourself that you want to get rid of ?
Believe it or not there was a common theme in response to this. I was amazed at how many people chose the same two beliefs.
I am not good enough
I don’t deserve to be loved
Isn’t it amazing how alone we sometimes feel when there are so many people who feel exactly the same way we do? Why is it we don’t feel like we are good enough? Why do we feel we have to be more than who we really are? Why can’t we see how unique and special each one of us really is?
My next question is how in the world do we come to the thinking that we are not worthy of love? What happens to our self esteem that makes us feel so unworthy, so unlovable? The truth is, the capacity to love is endless. There is so much to give and so much to take. Just reach out and grab a hold of it. It is right there waiting. You are worthy of love, we all are.
My daughter told me a story about a misunderstanding she had with a friend today that left the friend in tears. Tears mom….really so annoying. Those were her words. I tried my best to explain to her that when people are hurt, especially sensitive people, they cannot help it if the tears start to flow. I urged her to respect the sensitivity of others and to not disregard it because she didn’t see a reason to be upset. It is in my instinctual nature to share in someone’s pain. When I see someone who is genuinely distraught, my heart breaks right along with them. I am trying to teach her that if someone feels hurt, she needs to accept and respect their feelings. The only thing worse than feeling hurt is someone, especially a friend, telling you you shouldn’t feel that way.
People who are not sympathetic, understanding and compassionate are just plain ugly. I don’t care how beautiful you are on the outside, if you are insensitive to the feelings of others, you are ugly period.
I woke up on the right side of the bed very early today and then out of nowhere everything starting going so wrong. I started to shrink up until I felt so small. I felt so small I wanted to crawl back in that bed, make tight fists and bang on those pillows until I taught them a lesson. I felt so small I wanted to fall asleep and not wake back up. I felt so small I wanted to take my very best roundhouse kick to the side of someone’s jaw. I wanted to throw my hardest uppercut into the abdomen of everyone who has been unfair. I wanted to shrivel up and cry like a baby and move beyond feeling like a tiny dead ant on the bottom of a size 12 workboot. I feel small like pulling my car to the side of the road, ripping out every political sign and ripping them into tiny pieces. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs so the sound of my voice makes up for how small and powerless I feel. I feel like beeping at the jerk I’m front of me in the Starbucks line who is holding everyone up. I don’t like feeling that small. It is scary and hopeless and I don’t like the dark.
I was picking up a pizza earlier and there was a little girl with curly blond hair who caught my eye. She was wearing a sparkly blue dress. I noticed there were several kids in costumes beaming from ear to ear because of the way they looked. I wanted to feel small like that again. I wanted to feel small like Cinderella or Princess Elsa. I wanted to be that power ranger and wear the cape of the little boy dressed like superman. Sometimes I want to feel small like that again. I want to feel small enough to not be responsible for everyone. I want to be too small to wear my kids pain on my heart like a gigantic, heavy wind chime. I want to be so small that I don’t wobble because the weight of the world is crushing my bones. I want to be small like a child in a Halloween costume excited all day at the thought of going trick or treating.
As I sit here, I remind myself that I can never be that small again, in either example. I am bigger than I feel. It’s feelings and emotions and expectations that make me feel small. I am so much bigger than them. I am mom and a wife and I am responsible for everyone around me. They are watching and no matter how small I feel I can never act that small, ever. I am bigger than that and this will eventually all pass. Once in awhile, I dream of that little girl who was so full of life though so very small. I remember the light in her big brown eyes. I think back to when I was surrounded by the support of friends who took the form of several stuffed animals. They would listen to me and make everything alright and at the end of the night we would be lying in that bed dreaming of how life would be when we grew up. How ironic, now the bed is small and I am big and I dream of a time I was small again. That’s just how life is, don’t you think?
I know you want to believe that what you have is love, but am here to tell you that love is not pain. I hear it in your words, and feel it in your hope. I feel you holding on to nothing, as the nothing drains every ounce of oxygen from your lungs. I see the pain in your face that you hide behind your smile. I see the change in the person you’ve become as I’ve watched you lose faith in the person you really are. I see you hold on to an image in your head of the way things used to be, but please know images are sometimes distorted. I watch you settle and accept pain because you think that is what love is. I watch you search for help and hope only to stay stuck in the same lonely, dark place. I see the anxiety you feel in your soul as your quiet, calm has become unsettled. I see the desperation to hold on to something that will never be because looking back is less terrifying than looking ahead. I see you breaking apart from trying to fix someone that is beyond repair. I want to take you back in time to see yourself back then, before him. I want to tell you how much I’ve missed the person you used to be before you became a prisoner to him. I want you to feel love again, love that is fulfilling and real. I see you dying inside as I root for you to live again. I know you are looking in all the wrong places for all the right answers and I want to sit you down in front of a mirror, because sometimes you just have to be YOUR OWN hero…..