Order In The Court

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If you are judging someone for judging, you are both judging. If you do it first it’s bad enough, but to criticize and then judge back makes you a hypocrite.

There are some topics that seem to bring out the worst in us. Don’t allow yourself to go there. You know what I always say, be bitter or be better.

I’ll Do Me And You Do You

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I realized something very important yesterday. When you are honest about your life, your feelings, your flaws and your struggles, you are opening up a door that some will be all too willing to enter. You are taking an enormous risk that people will judge and belittle you because maybe you are experiencing something they cannot even fathom. You also allow someone to compare their life to yours and make you feel crappy about your own. So why do we do it? Why do I do it? I believe that writing has become an avenue of therapy and self discovery for me. It is an avenue that allows me to explore my own life, MY life which consists of so many thoughts, feelings, decisions, regrets and just about anything else you can think of. It’s about my perspective and lessons I have learned through the people in my life or my own experiences. I don’t have to explain that and I sure as heck will not apologize for it. It helps me figure things out and deal with some issues that I can only face once the words are written on a page. There is nothing more rewarding than a reader being deeply touched by something I write. When I can help someone else while I am helping myself, I consider that a wonderful gift. Sure, it might open my own life up to finger pointing and criticism but in the end, the positives far outweigh the negatives. People will always judge. They will continue to try and make you feel inferior and that’s okay. They may use that knowledge against you. I’ve never discovered a way to avoid that. Tell your truth anyway. Be who you are and tell it the way it is and never stop for a second to wonder what anyone else thinks. I’ve always used this line for as long as I can remember. “If you don’t give someone a reason to talk about you, they will look until they find one anyway.” Be you and do it proudly.

The Mirror

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Have you ever looked at your face in a magnifying mirror? You see imperfections that would not be visible to the human eye. We do that you know? We put people there in front of it and we look for every flaw. We notice their words, the way they look and even the way they act. We forget how vulnerable we are when it is us who is standing there facing the things we would rather not acknowledge.You only see what you look for. Give people a break. Don’t over analyze or criticize their words. Don’t judge their actions. Remember how you feel standing in front of that mirror. Why would you want to do that to anybody else? 

Pointing Fingers

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One thing being a parent has taught me is not to judge other parents. Like it or not, sometimes our kids do something that is so embarrassing and humiliating that we never want to show our face in public again. Slowly we learn to judge a little less and be empathetic a little more.

I remember watching the news a few weeks ago. I could not for the life of me understand how people could be dumb enough to drive into flood waters. Yesterday, I got my answer. I picked my son up at school when it started to rain. It was coming down so fast and so hard that I could barely see the road in front of me. In just a matter of minutes the water started rising all around me. No matter which way I turned, I couldn’t escape. I was trapped, I was scared and I was trying really hard not to panic. Cars were stuck on the side of the road and others were trying to back themselves out of places the water was too high. I did get out and I realized we should never judge because someday we might find ourselves in a situation we never imagined. It was a great reminder to be less critical and more understanding. Use your fingers for pointing if you’re giving directions but don’t ever point them at another person. 

Have you ever found yourself in the same situation you once judged someone for? I’d love to hear about it.

The Year of Letting Go

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I decided this year would be my year of letting go. What will I be letting go of you wonder? Whatever no longer serves me. Today, I have recognized the value of letting my opinion of others actions to come to a halt. Why in the world would I waste my own time and energy wondering about and judging the actions of someone else? For the most part I think I have already come a long way in this department but today I was reminded there is always room for more growth. The truth is, we could never really know the reason anyone does anything at all. We can think we know, but at the end of the day, unless we are actually inside someone’s head we can never really know for sure. Don’t we have enough to worry about when it comes to our own actions anyway? Maybe we should focus on why we do the things we do or better yet, why we continue to do the same old thing that never seems to get us what we really want.

What will you be letting go of this year? I’d love to hear about it.

Which Way Will You Go?

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I had a conversation with someone about judging. Why do we do it? Why is it so much easier to find fault with someone than it is to see the positive? What you focus on becomes becomes bigger and bigger. Your thoughts actually grow what your eyes will be allowed to see. Make your thoughts good ones. We are all human. We make choices but they are ours to make and at the end of the day it is us who must own them. Don’t assume you know what makes somebody tick. Until you live someone’s life or walk in their shoes, you cannot assume you know who they are. Focus on your own flaws and you won’t have as much time to notice others. You are a work in progress. Work on changing you and being the best possible version of yourself. Complaining about or judging others will not change a thing but it does engulf you with negativity. I don’t like to choke on that stuff. It makes me feel like I cannot breathe. Push it aside and look for the good. I promise you will feel so much better. So, are you with me? At least give it an honest try.

Pay attention to how many critical thoughts you have a day. Don’t judge them, just observe and acknowledge them. Ask yourself who these negative thoughts are about? What is the condition of your relationship with that person? If you are continually finding fault, would it even be possible to have positive feelings toward the person at all?

I’m not perfect but I am work in progress. Awareness is the first step. Change happens over time, one day at a time, one tiny step at a time. Every step in the right direction takes you to a better healthier place. Which direction are you walking? Thoughts become things. Choose good ones.

Freedom From Opinions

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Every time I hear the song Follow Your Arrow I have to laugh. The words are a bit silly but the point is well made and an important one at that. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, I will post part of the lyrics.

If you save yourself for marriage
You’re a bore
If you don’t save yourself for marriage
You’re a horrible person
If you won’t have a drink
Then you’re a prude
But they’ll call you a drunk
As soon as you down the first one

If you can’t lose the weight
Then you’re just fat
But if you lose too much
Then you’re on crack
You’re damned if you do
And you’re damned if you don’t
So you might as well just do
Whatever you want

If you don’t go to church
You’ll go to hell
If you’re the first one
On the front row
You’re self-righteous
Son of a-
Can’t win for losing
You’ll just disappoint ’em
Just ’cause you can’t beat ’em
Don’t mean you should join ’em

Say what you think
Love who you love
‘Cause you just get
So many trips ’round the sun
Yeah, you only
Only live once

So, what do you think? Did you hear the message? Judges gonna judge, critics gonna critique. Why on Earth do we concern ourselves with the opinions of others? No matter who we are, someone’s NOT going to like us. No matter what we do, someone will think we didn’t do enough. No matter how many different ways we do the same thing, someone will say we didn’t do it right.

Why do we care so much anyway? Stop today and start to live your life the way that feels right for you. That is what is really important. No-one will ever know you as well as you know yourself. No -one will ever live your life, or face your challenges or ever live a single days inside your shoes. If your goal in life is to impress everyone you know or make everyone in your life happy, I am sorry to inform you that you are wasting your time. Live life for you and be proud of who you are. Don’t second guess your decisions and explain or apologize for the choices you’ve made. They are only yours to make and no explanation is ever necessary or required. Live proudly and live wisely. There is only person who has the right to an opinion about your life and that is you. Let the rest go and never let the opinions of others influence your opinion of yourself.

What I Learned From My New Haircut!

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I got a call late last week notifying me that the girl that usually cut my hair was no longer working at the salon. So, since I have put off getting a trim since before I can even remember when, I decided to keep my appointment and try out a new girl. I couldn’t help but notice her right away. Heck, I think you’d have to be blind to not see the tattoos, and piercings and purple and orange hair. But I made the choice to keep an open mind and see past the bling that was decorating her soul.

I can’t tell you the last time I’ve enjoyed talking to someone this much. This 25 year old girl had so many stories to tell. She was poised and sure of herself and it was really nice for a change to see someone completely at peace with who they had become. It isn’t about age at all. Before today, I really thought it was. This girl, in a lifespan of 25 years, reached a place I had not discovered until I turned 4o. She was completely comfortable in her own tattooed skin, and even though the piercings and crazy hair tried to disguise her beauty from my human judgmental eyes, it didn’t take longer than 5 minutes of conversation to see she was absolutely beautiful.

Lesson to myself, don’t judge a book without opening it up and reading the pages and look with your heart and not just your eyes.

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