All This Talk About Abortion


How can we ever come to a solution for such a sensitive topic? If you are super sensitive to the abortion issue, you may want to stop reading right here. Otherwise, I will use this post to explain what kept me up almost all night long. 

To be honest, I haven’t really been following the whole Planned a Parenthood scandel. If they are doing something against the law, they should be punished. If they are doing something that is generally accepted but hidden from the people who are sensitive, then that is a different story. 

Let me make something clear, I struggle with the concept of what to do with a body that is already dead. Do we sacrifice it for research? Do we walk away and just leave it behind? What if we were  handed over the fetal remains in a small wooden box that allowed us some closure and the opportunity to bury the remains? What if it wasn’t common practice to leave that tiny body behind and forget the whole situation the minute we walk out that door? My concern is whether or not we are really given the truth when it comes to what actually happens during an abortion.

I believe that our lack of knowledge and new trend of escaping responsibility is a real problem in our country. Instead of admitting mistakes and facing consequences, we are given a quiet way out to escape embarrassment . Who wouldn’t want to choose that option? Haven’t we all at one time or another? Just look at our own government. There is plenty of smoke but we can never actually find the flames or the fire because someone is working hard to keep it hidden.

Do I believe men should have a say when it comes to abortion? Many would argue it is the woman’s body and only she should have say on what to do with it. I believed that for many years. What about the fetal body? Last time I checked, a woman couldn’t make a baby alone so why would a potential father of an unborn child have no say when it comes to his potential child? I am conflicted, torn. I don’t think any law or court could ever leave me feeling satisfied to accept any resolution. What’s even harder is knowing a woman can’t escape because the baby is in her body. She has to deal with the condescending looks from others, the emotional turmoil that is a direct result from the ever changing hormones, the discomfort from caring a baby in her own body for so many months not to mention a long, painful delivery. So what exactly does the man have to go through anyway? I guess that is nobody’s fault and we have to accept that’s the way it is but still that baby is a part of two people. That we cannot dispute. 

Let’s not forget that there are other issues that many don’t think about. Women are not insensitive robots. They make mistakes. Young girls find themselves in situations they never dreamed. They are still in school, have no job and find themselves pregnant with a child they are not ready for. They are ashamed and scared and panicked and want to distance themselves from the problem and move on. That is just one common situation. We, as women need to be responsible when it comes to our bodies. There is no arguing that sex leads to pregnancy so why are we not protecting ourselves from being in this devastating situation? Hiding a pregnancy and aborting a baby does not make it go away. Women feel a tremendous sense of shame and guilt long after the day they walk out of an abortion clinic. I can honestly say, we as women deserve to know all the facts. We need to know the truth. Who is really to say when a fetus is a human being or feels pain? Who are we to even try? Unfortunately, before I went to bed, I watched the video A Silent Scream. It was an abortion captured on ultrasound. What I saw will give me nightmares for years. I feel sick today, deflated. I will not post the link here because it is difficult to watch. Really, really difficult. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if I were considering whether or not to have an abortion, I would want to see this video. I don’t want the procedure lessened to clear my conscience because as I grow older and learn the truth, how in the world could I live with myself? Instead, we take this you don’t ask and we won’t tell attitude and we will fall back on a play of words that allows us to dehumanize life itself. Do I have the prerogative to decide what is right for a woman, a fetus? I really don’t know. I struggle with that every time the topic is brought up. Do I have a problem with not being told the truth? You bet I do. 

I don’t believe anyone knows for sure if the fetus suffers or feels any pain during an abortion procedure. I don’t believe we have the right to decide who lives and who dies, on the part of the mother or the child. Should one life be valued over another? How could we possibly answer that. I imagine my two kids in a situation where only 1 could live. Could I live with myself if I was forced to choose? I could never serve on a death penalty case because I don’t want the opportunity to contribute to the decision of taking anyone’s life.

I’m not sure we will ever agree or be able to ever understand the real implications of abortion. Maybe we don’t want to. Who would actually want to believe that we are making a conscience choice to rip away body parts of an innocent fetus one tiny part at a time? The crushing of the head part makes me physically ill. I bet they don’t tell women that when they are in shock from an unwanted pregnancy and want a quick escape. How could one not feel that way, scared and alone and fearful of our own future as well as this child we never planned on. At least not now.

I guess what I am saying is I would want all the information before I made this significant a choice. People sugar coat everything to make it more appealing, to help us live with the choices we make. Woman deserve better. They need to know that this quick procedure will not haunt them the rest of their lives. They need to know grief and guilt will not consume them when they are ready to have a child because they cannot get over the one they lost. Who do we save? Whose life matters most? I think it’s a question we need to ask ourselves before we ever make a decision about our own lives as well as the life of the unborn child. We make a mistake so we eliminate it. That is what scared women believe. But, if they had all the facts, if they knew the details no one seems to talk about, would they still make the same decision? I can’t answer that. We all have to live with the decisions we make but how can we make them honestly if we don’t look at every detail?

Let me just end by saying this. There is no way to know what we would do if we were faced with a difficult situation. It’s one thing to make a guess and it’s another to really be standing in shoes that forces us to make the most important decision of our life at the time and to make it quickly nonetheless. Who am I to judge anyone for the decisions they make? It’s just not my place. Whose place is it then to decide? How could we ever make the right choice with a minimum of three potential people involved? Is one more responsible than the other? Should one be valued over the other? Who really knows for sure. I guess it mostly depends on which one of the three you are. 

Where Does Fulfillment Come From?


A question was posed on Facebook by Jennifer Pastiloff in response to someone telling her the only way to have a fulfilling life is by having children. She then asked, do you have kids? If no or if so, are you leading a fulfilling life? Do you judge women who have chosen not to?

I found this whole concept thought provoking. For me, personally, I believe life is what you make of it. Will having kids or choosing not to have them guarantee a fulfilling life? I would have to say that any sane person would honestly have to answer no. I truly believe that we base our judgement of feeling fulfilled by the wrong things. Many people are defined by their job. Others are defined by the future super stars they are mentoring and raising. For me it’s a double edge sword. What about the parent that feels she has failed? What about the person who suddenly loses his job? When we are defined by any one thing, the mere loss or gain of it can change our entire self worth.

I have kids. Do I always feel fulfilled? Heck no, and there are times I feel like I traded my life for theirs. I love them and there are moments I feel so grateful or so proud that I cannot fight the tears that magically well up in my eyes. Then there are the days I look at my kids and wonder where in the world I could have gone so wrong. When someone is hurting and my kids lack compassion, I can’t help but wonder how I contributed to something so awful. The truth is, parenting is a major lifelong commitment. If someone’s dream is not to become a parent than I respect them for not bringing a child into the world that they do not want. We are not all cut out to be parents anymore than we are not all cut out to be surgeons.

Where does fulfillment come from then? Hopefully it comes from many things. I think fulfillment is a constant state of change. Somedays we feel full and other days, our souls feel so empty, we are filled with unimaginable pain. Those days you are feeling fulfilled you should bottle up for the days that fulfillment is not so much. Take the days as they come, the good the bad, the unexpected and do the best with what you have. Tomorrow is a new day and it arrives with a new set of circumstances. Our attitude however, we can control. So choose a good one and make the most of the gifts you are given. And don’t judge. Don’t ever judge. Wear your own shoes and tread your own path, and let others do the same.

Success based on anything but internal fulfillment is bound to be empty~Dr. Martha Friedman

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have~Unknown