The Lesson At My Door

Standard

A knock came on my door yesterday. I wasn’t expecting anyone and when I asked

 “who is it?”, 

I cringed as the voice on the other side said,

“It’s me. A life lesson.”

I am really starting to believe that we bump into the same lesson over and over again until we finally master our response to it. There are days I mutter to myself, “really again, why me”, but there is a part of me that is certain the answer is always the same. My reaction to things out of my control is not a very healthy one. The physical response alone is quite disturbing and the thoughts that dance closely behind are not graceful either. It’s so hard for me to accept whatever is sometimes. My fight or flight kicks in and the adrenaline is quite unsettling. I actually have the urge to jolt right out of my body and escape whatever it is making me feel so uncomfortable. The reality that I am not a superhero is tragic. I am me. I am mom. I can fix everything right? The only problem is I am trapped in this human body. Where is my costume? Don’t I have hidden powers? I can’t possibly be this helpless and ordinary. That’s where the life lesson makes her entrance. She glares at me with crazy eyes as she taunts me with the words, “you’re not at all as great as you think you are. You are ordinary, powerless and I am your master”.

Last night and again this morning did not go as planned. The truth is, it never was about my plan anyway. I decided to take a deep breath and just go with the flow. Why waste the little energy I have fighting something I can never change? The truth is so obvious but even as I write these words I can feel the resistance inside of me. I need to make peace with that part and nurture it back to good health. I need to teach that small part to trust the sum of the whole and find the courage to really believe that it will all be okay in the end. The sky is not falling. A deviation from plans is not the end of the world. Distorted thoughts and believing in false threats is the only roadblock keeping me from living a calm, peaceful life. Time to remove them and carry on to a more peaceful place.

While My Heart Broke, His Arm Broke Too

Standard

” Come watch me do a jump on my dirt bike mom.” That is how it all started. You wake up thinking this day will be like all the rest and the next moment you are standing in red dirt, heart in your throat. The jump itself actually went really well. I guess when I talked my husband into letting him have a bike, I knew there would be an opportunity for him to get hurt, but actually believing it would happen was not part of my reality THEN.

When I finally took a few steps I saw him lying there, underneath the bike and sandwiched up against that tree. Remember, just last night I blogged about trying to remain strong while still showing sweetness. I failed miserably. Instead of running to him to see if he was alright, I folded my arms in a huff and let my anger move my legs quickly back to the truck. I didn’t realize it then but I know now my anger is a defense mechanism to stifle my fear. I could hear my husband pulling the bike off of him and then another noise. The sound of the engine and another crash. My husband isn’t the most experienced when it comes to motorcycles so when he attempted to ride the bike back to the truck, he too ended up in a tree. It was just dangling on a branch like a Christmas ornament. So, little old me hopped on the bike and rode it home.

Chases arm is broke. I feel terrible. I really need to get a grip on allowing my vulnerability to sneak through the bullet proof surface. My fear and clinging to denial is no excuse for my lack of concern. I think it stems back to the time my daughter had a 25 minute seizure in my arms when she was just one. I had to stay tough. I couldn’t fall apart because in my mind if I stayed tough she would be alright. It was the longest ambulance ride of my life and I will never forget how helpless I felt as she lay there seizing in my arms, her tiny body jerking while I watched. I realized that day that being a mom did not grant me the power to make everything alright or to keep my kids safe. I had to stand strong and be there to handle whatever it was my kids would face in their life. And that is when I shut off the switch for fear. There could be no fear because fear would make me break down and there would be no time for that. I never looked back and I became detached.

It’s amazing what we learn about ourselves and the timing of it all. At so, at some point, we are forced to look closely at ourselves and admit there is a need for change. In my case, it is being the comforting, compassionate nurse I was trained to be, even it the patient is one of my own kids.

Today, I will give Chase a little extra love. He was a trooper last night and I have to say I was surprised when the doctor gave us the news. That bike is in time out for awhile until everyone heals, continuing me. Let this be a lesson that we can never know what to expect from one moment to the next. Take each moment as it comes and appreciate each and every one. And remember, tomorrow may be too late to show someone your love and kindness. We all need to show the people in our lives those two important things every day.

The Truth About Lists

Standard

I used to measure how successful my day was by looking at how many things I had checked off my to do list. Today, though I actually looked at the things on the list. The back and forth, drive here, drive there and I realized there are just too may things on that list for any sane person. So, today I will high five myself for getting everything I needed to get done done and for squeezing some time in for myself as well. That list is just some pencil marks scribbled on a lined piece of paper and I will no longer allow it to define how I feel about my day. It will be a guide, not a gauge and whatever doesn’t get done can certainly wait until another day.

OMG! Did She Just Post Another Positive Quote?

Standard

I have noticed something happening with frequency lately and I feel the need to blog about it. In fact, one of my blogging friends recently did, and you should check out her post called Facebook Insults. You can find her here https://suzjones.wordpress.com/.

I am the kind of person who believes in kindness and compliments and truly making the world a better place, not only for myself, but for those people around me as well. In a world filled with criticism and judgement and rudeness, I feel compelled to spread something positive. I’ve noticed quite a bit of underlying tones and messages through social media. I guess maybe people are too cowardly to say things personally to someone so they will direct something at someone to get their attention. The unfortunate part is that usually the message isn’t one of kindness. Every time I check Facebook I see another shared post of how annoying positive quotes are. I say this. People can share whatever they want. Ask yourself this. Do you want to spread your sarcasm and insults or do you want to share something uplifting or challenging for people to examine their lives? It’s your choice. I’ve also realized this. There is a small word you can push that will eliminate any aggravation someone causes you. That little word is unfollow. I am starting to use it more and more. For me, it is necessary and healthy to remove myself from sarcastic, negative people. I don’t need that in my life period. Any good that could come from sharing a relationship with a person like that is easily outweighed by the negativity surrounding the name. My point is this. PUSH THE BUTTON, save yourself the aggravation on either side and move on surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good. Negativity and sarcasm bring people down. Some people find it funny but I do not. So off I go to adjust my friend list to bring me to a more positive place. Does this mean I don’t like the people I unfollow. Not at all. I just don’t like their bad attitude or sense of humor. Believe me there are several and I’m not here to tell you not to be you. I just expect the same from you.

Have you noticed this as well? How do you handle it?

Do You Believe in Karma?

Standard

More often than not, when I hear someone refer to Karma it is a wishful thinking that another person will get what we feel they deserve. I’ve thought about this for quite some time and the whole theory behind it really bugs me. Who the heck are we to feel that anyone deserves anything in the first place? Do we have the power or even the right to judge another to the point that we hope we eventually see harm come their way? Doesn’t the mere thought of it at all bring the very same Karma our way as well?

This may be overly optimistic but I would like to believe I have the same chance as anyone else that my beliefs about Karma are true. What if we brought about our own Karma by the way we think? What if we could see the good in everyone and everything and see behind the one thing we all have in common…our flaws. What if it was our intention that everyone would be happy and be kind and be good. What if our Karma is actually what we think we deserve? How many people do you know that sell themselves short? How many people do you know think they are inferior and will never have the life of those around of them? What if our Karma is the culmination of our own thoughts directly causing our own reality?

I read something somewhere a while ago. It suggested we should ask ourselves one very important question. How do you see the world? What if the word you answer with becomes how the world reacts to you? We cannot change the people around us. We cannot change every circumstance or event. We can change our perception and how we react. If one mean person alters our entire view of people and the world, what are we going to get in return? What if we could say, yes, people are jerks, but there is so much kindness out there if we dare to see behind the blind spots that have wounded our egos. People make bad choices. They act in ways that are harmful and hurtful. We are so much more than our actions and words. Don’t we all deserve to live a long, happy life? Don’t we all deserve to sit down at the end of the day and feel content and loved and worthy of everything that is good in life? Maybe our intent should be that everyone that harms us learns and grows, becomes better and actively does better. We are a work in progress. Just because we grow in years does not necessarily mean we grow in morals and character. Let that be your intention and watch the world around you change. What you resist persists, at least that’s what the experts say so I would like to take a new path. I am hopeful that we all have the potential to change and contribute to society in a positive way. Sometimes our reaction to a person who leaves a negative mark can change that person in a profound way. Have you ever thought about the process in reverse? You be better and other people will be better too. Don’t stoop to a level you find shameful regardless of how much your emotions are tugging at you.

Back to Karma. Ask yourself one basic question. Do you associate Karma with bringing about bad or bringing about good? You might be surprised at your answer.

20140528-172433.jpg

Have You Read Animal Farm?

Standard

Spoiler Alert! If you have not read Animal Farm by George Orwell do not read this blog because I am about to start it with the last few lines of the book.

“Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the face of the pigs, the creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

So my daughter had an assignment to read this in her 9th grade language arts class. I figured, since I bought the book, I might as well pick it up and read it myself.

The book is about animals on a farm who overtake the farmer because they believe they will run the farm better. They vow to become nothing like the farmer or other humans who lose sight of equality and respect because they become caught up in the power and greed that being in control often brings. They are going to be smarter and are going to do better.

When I finished the book I admit I was pretty depressed. The parallel to life as I see it is sad and discouraging. But today, something happened that changed my attitude. I was turning into my neighborhood and I passed a truck pulling a trailer of cows. I noticed the cows in a new way and I will confess that I broke out in laughter. I started to categorize the people I know into the categories of animals from the book. The pigs, well they stand out for themselves, and the dogs that protect them are actually pathetic really. Being a dog owner myself has taught me that dogs love and obey. No matter what you do to them, they will remain faithful and wag their tails faithfully the moment you walk in the room. And the horse, ah the horse. I married one of those. I made a great choice.

The more I compare the characters in my life to the characters in the book, the more I see the light. I think I have a whole new understanding of people and will deal with them in a whole new way.

Was this the best book I have ever read? Probably not, but it did cause me to think long after I read the words on the last page. My question is this, can a kid 15 years old see beneath the shallow story and comprehend the depth of the truth that lies beneath? But then again, does it really matter anyway? Have you read the book? What did you think?