The storm is fierce. It is always there thrashing me to and fro and robbing me of inner peace. There have always been storms in life but this season will not go away. I have become one with it and I cannot draw a concrete line between myself and it. Where does it start and where do I begin? How do you cope when you are forced into a situation you cannot escape? How can you remove yourself from chaos that is all around you? How can you walk away from the people who look the other way as they take your breath away and pretend they don’t see you are unable to breathe? I desperately want this season to end but just when I think the sun will break through, the thunder wakes me out of bed. It’s become the norm, this unsettling anticipation that the black clouds are coming to swallow me up. I know this too shall pass but when? I don’t have much of me left and fighting to keep my head above water is exhausting. I’m tired. My body is weak and my mind is erratic. No one can live in constant survival mode. There is no life between fight or flight just that gnawing anguish that never really lets you experience a moment of peace. When will it end?
Sometimes you have to smile while your heart is breaking. Sometimes you have to get out and face the world when everything inside of you just wants to stay in bed. We go through seasons when our heart hurts and our faith is shaken but we have to get up knowing eventually the weather will change. Nothing remains constant not even the hardest times. They may seem endless but the darkness will fade into light and all you can do is breathe and be patient. If you are in that season that seems long and difficult, I am here to remind you to hold on a little bit longer. You will find strength in the storm and you will make it through. The light is right there on the other side. Wait for it.
I know time doesn’t stand still. I know we keep moving forward through the years at an unbearable pace. Sometimes though, on the hard days when my hope is crushed and my heart is broken, I wish I had a time machine to get back to a happier time when I was excited about life and bursting with hope. Sometimes my cross feels heavy and we exist in a world where people add weight instead of offering to carry some of the load. Sometimes I just want to disappear into the background where I am out of everyone’s sight and reach. I don’t want to live in a world where people are unkind and unforgiving and hurt more than they help. If only there was a sweet place to feel safe and protected while the world around me goes into battle. I am a lover not a fighter. I seek peace and run from war. If only that place existed but I know it does not.
The older I get, the less energy I have. It’s not something I can squander anymore. I am intentional with how I spend it. I can guarantee it won’t be on nonsense. Don’t waste your time, breath or energy on anything that doesn’t grow you and certainly don’t waste it on anyone who tries to reduce you. You were meant for so much more. Outgrow the smallness around you and watch your life transform. Pay attention to what you already know deep inside of you. Trust it. Focus on that. You already know so much more than you allow yourself to believe. You weren’t meant to be a fighter, you are here to love and offer your peace to a world who needs you now more than ever. Spread your beautiful light.
There was a time not long ago when the sense of peace I felt was directly determined by the people and circumstances surrounding me. I felt like this tiny, little, insignificant creature being squeezed to death until I could barely breathe. I allowed myself to be played every single time. I felt powerless to fight or control anything which threatened my well being and eventually I succumbed to the chaos until I became the crazy around me. It’s taken a long time to claim my calm. It’s not situational or conditional. I make the decision of how I will react and more times than not I choose not to react at all. I can decide to not fall victim to anyone or anything outside of myself. I simply disengage and I have to admit it feels pretty darn good. Today, remember you have more control than you think. You simply allow something to affect you or you visualize pushing that button with the giant D and simply disengage. Remember one thing, if you want peace, choose peace, offer peace, be peace. It’s that simple.
There are days like today where everything is right with the world. Maybe not the world outside my front door but where the world inside my little world feels perfect and amazing. It’s not always this way but in these moments of perfection where peace and contentment gently embrace me, I am truly grateful. My intention is to share some of that with you. That is my wish for you today, to be happy exactly where you are and with exactly who you are in this amazing moment.
I just read a great post about the desire of people to have respect and peace in these troubling times. Sometimes what we say and what we do contradicts one another. Hypocrisy is a disease that is growing at an alarming rate. We can’t have selective respect and we certainly can’t have selective peace. We either have it or we don’t. The hypocrisy comes into play when we allow our mind to separate who deserves our respect and who does not. It’s important to remember that we don’t always get what we desire but we do frequently get what we give. So ask that question to yourself and answer it honestly. Am I giving respect or am I giving respect to who I decide deserves it? Am I bringing peace to the world or am I bringing conflict, division and discord? Why do we even feel we are on a level to judge another human being let alone decide if they deserve our respect? We have an over inflated sense of self these days that bonds us with other people and gives us a collective opportunity and excuse to behave badly. We label people in a way that determines if they are on par or beneath us and then we wonder where the world has gone so wrong. The answer is simple and if you took an honest look, it would be clear. We speak out about speech toward one person but then we turn around and use that same hate speech toward someone else after of course we determine that person deserves it. Why can’t people see what is so plainly obvious? Maybe because they would have to admit they practice the same behavior they claim to abhor because well it’s different. Nope. Not different. It’s time we own who we’ve become and to stop making excuses. Let’s bring honesty back and shame hypocrisy into becoming a thing of the past. Let’s prove that peace and respect are truly priorities and then maybe we will see them emerge. We get more of what we focus on. As a whole, does it really appear that Americans practice respect or peace? Is that really their focus? Time to get real and be honest.