Time To Get Tough

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We have the power to cripple the people in our life but we also have the power to teach them to fly. I can do this with anyone who crosses my path. So many of us don’t know what love is supposed to look like. We want so much to be needed that we fall into a pattern of making the people around us needy. We gain this sense of purpose when we can fix things or save people from uncomfortable circumstances. We cannot even see that what we think is love is crippling the people we claim to love. Love is guiding and nurturing but it’s also teaching and encouraging the ones we love to walk on their own. How did I miss it before? Holding someone back is not love. Encouraging someone to be less than they can be is not love. Love is letting go and allowing people to be. Doing something for someone who can do something for themself is crippling. We have to understand love and recognize what it looks like. We have to define it, make a list and check it twice to know for certain whether our kind of love is crippling. It’s a scary thought but we have to look it in the eye and make the decision to grow the people we have in our lives. Are they growing , shrinking or standing still because of the way we are loving them? Tough question to think about but time to ask.

What If You’re Wrong?

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I believe now more than ever that the source behind a strained relationship is often misunderstanding. We forget that we can go through identical experiences yet view them two entirely different ways. We see based on the way we feel. If we make a decision about something in our head, I can guarantee we will see every little detail that leads us to that pre conceived conclusion. However, if we could overcome ourselves enough to have a serious in depth conversation that would allow us to see that same situation from the different set of eyes, we would not only gain an immense amount of compassion for the other person but we would also see how our behavior along with our individual feelings left us trapped in a place in time stifling the potential growth that could have built our relationships to something greater than we ever imagined.

We forget sometimes that the way we see something is not the truth about a situation. It is the truth we have been led to believe but there is a pretty strong chance what we believe could not be further from the truth. This is a reminder to rediscover the art of communication. Listen without judging or planning a response and then be open to give the same respect when it is your turn to respond. So many of the right things go unsaid and before we know it we’ve said too many wrong things that can never be taken back. False beliefs lead to anger and resentment so make it a point to sit down with people and get to the bottom of every wrong thought so that we longer hold anything against one another but grow in love and understanding as we see how different our shared experience can actually be. Maybe we got it right, maybe we got it partly right, or maybe we had most of it wrong the entire time.

Learn and Grow.

Perspective is Everything

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I realized today that we cannot be fully open to what someone is saying if we are sitting on the edge of our seat waiting to negate someone’s words. If we are not willing to hear out a person and the entirety of their message then the conversation was over before it started. It is only after examining and welcoming a new perspective that we are able to challenge ourselves enough to consider something we may never have considered before. We are so sure we have all the answers that we’ve stopped asking questions and there alone lies one of the biggest problems of all. We can remain stuck or we can be open to grow. We can talk or we can listen. We can welcome information or we can insist we already know what there is to know. When is the last time you took an opportunity to open yourself up to something new…a new idea, a new belief, A new situation? Ask yourself, how open are you to learning and changing?

Is Your Glass Full?

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It’s hard to feel any joy when we become obsessed with how far we still have to go. Sometimes we need to take a deep breath and celebrate how far we have already come. Is the glass half full or half empty? I guess it depends on how you look at it. Perspective is everything. It’s a game changer.

The Law of Mirrors. What do YOU See?

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When people insult you, don’t take offense, don’t take it personally, but do listen to their words. They are telling you how they see the world, and they are telling you the exact negative qualities that they possess.

“The Law of Mirrors” states that one can only see what’s in them, regardless if it is what is actually present in reality or not.

Release the need to defend or try to explain to them that you’re not being whatever-nasty-insult-they’ve-thrown-at-you, but evaluate instead all of these insults, and realize that this is who they are.

Then, decide if a person with those qualities is one who you’d like in your life or not.

Doe Zantamata

A Time of Reflection

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I have been blessed beyond belief and am fortunate enough to have just wrapped up my 46th Christmas. Each year that goes rushing by puts one thing in perspective more than everything else. The greatest gift we could ever be given is time. As each year comes to a close, I force myself to answer the same, simple question. How did you spend the time you were given this year? Last year my answer felt like a physical blow to the place that hurts the most. I spent an entire year wrapped up in a situation that brought nothing but pain, anxiety and severe depression. I had lost myself and I vowed to find my way back to the light inside of me. It had grown dim but I knew it was still there buried beneath the baggage I continued to carry. Put it down Kim and leave it behind. Stop carrying the things that cause you pain. That is what I told myself. I realized that there would be times I felt uncomfortable because I would have no control over a situation I didn’t want to be in so I had to learn to be happy in spite of whatever was going on. I have come a long way but I still have so far to go.

As I look back at this Christmas, I have a clear picture that comes to mind that warms my heart beyond belief. I picture my father sitting in his chair and my mother opposite him on the couch. I am beyond grateful for the gifts they have given me and now more than ever I cherish the one thing they have given to all of us even when they didn’t have another single thing to give…their time. Whether they suffer from broken bones, their own ailments and disease, they are always there to give more than they have, do more than they can and make time in a world where time is surely squandered a little more each passing day. I feel blessed to carry this gratitude into the new year and that I have been given the greatest gift of all, two amazing parents who have taught me that time can be wasted or used in a way that can be so precious. This year I vow to cherish each moment I am given and to use that time to focus on my blessings. I am committed to remembering that each year, each one of us is guaranteed a little less time. Sometimes we forget. We only see what we allow ourselves to look for and this year I hope to look for all that is good. Happy New Year and God bless!

Make the Change

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When I look back on my life a year ago, I am moved to tears by the gratitude I feel for some much needed change. For years I took a backseat in my own life. I accepted the circumstances and allowed myself to play the victim. At some point, I knew enough was enough and every intention and choice I made purposefully moved my life in a different direction. I am beyond happy now. Until I could picture myself feeling elated and peaceful, there was no way I would bring that image into reality. I had to want it enough to believe it was possible which then led me to find a way to make it possible. 

Remember, where and who you are today will not be the same as where and who you will be a day or even a year from now unless you are too afraid to make a move. The same behavior and repetitive negative thoughts will only lead you down the same road. If you want to explore new, exciting ground then you have to take the first step in a different direction. Don’t wait any longer. Do it today!

Thoughts Do Become Things

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They say thoughts become things. There is one thought that has changed the way I view my life and the people in it. Not long ago, I was obsessed over what could go wrong. My panic and anxiety were stemming from the anticipation of when and where the ball would drop. It was robbing me of the present moment and eliminating any chance of peace and happiness I had. I started actively focusing on my thoughts. It became clear in a short amount of time, why I was in the state I was stuck in and I committed to changing my inner dialogue. Once I realized I had a choice, that choice became clear. I could focus on what was wrong or I could focus on and celebrate what was right. Slowly but surely, my anxiety disappeared and I started to find joy again in the little things. I also learned to surrender what I could not control and embrace the things I DID have the control to change. My thinking is far from perfect but its improving steadily every day. I am grateful for my openness toward change. Change is the one thing we can count on so why not welcome it right? Remember to choose your thoughts carefully. They really do matter.

Sink or Float

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Today I decided to take some time out to just be. As I sat on my pool float, I realized the gift in knowing I could rise above whatever I imagined lurked below. When the world gets ugly and people make lists of their demands and what offends them, just float. As I felt the sun on my face and the wind in my hair, the power of intention and gratitude became apparently clear. We absolutely get more of what we focus on so it seems so simple to ask the one question that will make a major impact on what you experience in your life. So what do you want more of? I want more peace, more blessings, more calm and an endless list of things to be grateful for. Remember you can sink or float. I choose float.