Making a Murderer is Making Me an Insomniac

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I couldn’t help myself. I guess you could say my curiosity got the best of me. I started the first two episodes of Making a Murderer. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep last night. So many things ran through my head. I cannot imagine anyone spending that many years in prison for something they didn’t do. It is truly a travesty. Do I think someone should pay? You bet I do. I can’t help but think about my own school situation with my son. I have watched a school system go from an organization I can trust to having to watch my own back. I have watched them right wrongs and not admit to clear cut evidence against some of the teachers. I have watched them go from a sympathetic ear to turning and pointing a finger at me to avoid addressing the real reason we were there in the first place. They have accused me when they are the ones who should be on trial. I have had to remove my son from a particular class where I am sure he was being taunted and singled out. Why haven’t I filed a complaint with The Office of Civil Rights? The answer is simple. Their denial and abuse and repercussions are too much of a risk to take. They will never admit to wrong doing even when it’s obvious and they will always stand together and support one another. How do you go up against that? Clearly, you don’t . It’s a shame and it happens on every level. Organizations and systems get so powerful that they can do whatever they want without repercussion and they never know what it’s like to experience fear.

As for the second crime, I honestly don’t know and I’m afraid there is only a handful of people who will ever know the truth. How could they even sleep at night? My insomnia came back just thinking of my own situation. It’s awful anyway you look at it, anyway it plays out. Such a shame. I can’t wait to watch more. They say the truth will come out but I don’t believe that’s truth at all. We may never know and there will always be people who pay the consequences and people who never will. That’s life I guess and it’s really unfortunate.

Is a Wrong Ever Right?

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I guess one of the things that separates me from most is I do not accept or agree with a double standard. If I think something is wrong, it is wrong regardless of the circumstance. Recently, here in Oklahoma there has been news of a botched execution. It comes as a total shock that the very man that was questioning if the drugs offered to prisoners allow them to die humanely clearly suffered on that cold, hard table. I will post a link to the article for those that are interested. For me it is simple. Murder is bad. It is wrong and it robs someone of the life they were meant to live. I absolutely cannot support the death penalty because my feelings about right and wrong are so strong. Two wrongs never ever make a right, period. If it’s not okay for Joe Shmo to murder a human being then we punish him by murdering him? Has anyone considered how ridiculous that sounds? Who do any of us think we are that we have the right to take the life of another? It is not our gift to take away. I’m sorry, it just doesn’t sit right with my heart or soul. Many will disagree, and really that’s okay. It’s just so hypocritical to me at least in my own mind.

Some will argue that the family of the person murdered deserves justice too. Is justice making the family of the murderer go through the same agony and pain as the victims family? Is that right and just? Is that how our minds work really? Does the murderer not have a family as well or do they no longer count because someone they love committed a horrendous crime. There are so many mixed messages today and so much confusion that the line between right and wrong has been sadly blurred with what, reasoning? Sorry. You can’t pick and choose when something is and when it is not acceptable. You can but I won’t. Our eternal fate is in our own hands, we are accountable for our own decisions and our own convictions. Thou shalt not kill is pretty clear to me but we are all entitled to make our own choices. What do you think? Have you heard this story? Here’s the link. Take a look! UPDATE: Chaos after Oklahoma botched lethal injection with never-before used drug http://link.kfor.com/1irDRpF via @kfor

Walls Around A Heart

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I read something today that affected me deeply. I read the words of someone I grew up with and couldn’t deny the pain I felt in my heart. She spoke of feeling alone and building a brick wall around herself to shield her from the pain that comes along with letting people get too close. It’s true, people are misguided. They are unexplainably hurtful and harmful to the very soul that is the total essence of who we are. Her words keep playing over and over again in my mind. There are times when we hurt so bad that we grab the phone looking for someone to help us through the pain. It is in that moment that we sit there awkwardly searching for an idea of who to call when the reality of feeling alone really sinks in. I have these moments often. Just today I wondered who I would call if my car broke down. Because my husband travels so frequently, I wondered what I would do if there was a real emergency and he was away. As sad as her words made me feel, I realized that I am not alone. If she feels that way, maybe there are others too. I also realized something else. If we shut ourselves off from the world because of a small group of people who have caused us harm, aren’t we really helping them hurt ourselves more? Yes, we feel protected by the walls we build but we also hurt the ones around us that continually attempt to climb over them. But, if we open ourselves up to the opportunity of allowing someone to hurt us, we also open ourselves up to someone really being able to love us. It’s a predicament for sure but one that has to be worth taking. There is so much kindness around us if we have the courage to look. There is so much love around us if we learn to see beyond our pain, and there is so much help around us if we hold out our arms and let go of the load we feel we must carry alone.

People come into our lives for a purpose. People come into our lives to teach us lessons. It is sometimes the people that hurt us the most that teach us what we need to learn the most. Don’t ever let anyone have the power to kill your spirit. That spirit lives inside of you and no-one will ever be able to get to it. Love deeply, trust enough to get hurt, and love enough so your heart feels like it will explode outside of your chest. Only if we take a risk do we allow ourselves a chance to feel so deeply our hearts may burst. One thing is for certain, it will always be cold, dark and lonely inside the confines of the walls we build around ourselves. So, build a window in that wall to let in a little light and make time to feel its warmth. And know the power and peace that comes with knowing there’s a way out that will provide a whole different view if you ever find the courage to venture out.