I am amazed at the amount of people who voice that a particular person is “the” problem. Personally I don’t think anybody holds that amount of power. I chuckle to myself as I remember something my momma used to say. If you aren’t part of the solution than you are part of the problem. Funny how some never do see it that way. It’s so easy to point that long condemning finger at someone else. I guess it makes people feel important, better, smarter. I think it makes you look very small. But then again, I’m usually busy watering my own grass to notice whether or not yours is even green. There comes a time when enough is enough. If only that time was now. I’m not sure it will ever come and it makes me feel sad.
What do you do when you get news that drops you to your knees? How do you get through the minutes and days of uncertainty when you are forced to walk a path that makes you feel like you can barely breathe? How can you comfort someone who has been dealt blow after blow when you know this hit may be the one that takes them out?
Life is not easy and sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where we have little or no control. Where do we turn when there is nowhere left to run except head on into a collision we never wanted to have. We know we will come out damaged and scarred but there comes a point where turning back is not an option. They say God doesn’t give someone more than he can handle. I pray they are right.
For every problem, there has got to be a solution. Everything has an opposite. I keep reminding myself of this on a daily basis. My insomnia has been unbearable lately but I have learned to put it to good use. I keep repeating this over and over until it starts to sink in. Every problem has a solution.
It’s so easy to get caught up overly obsessing about the problems we have. I thought though, what if I flip it around and focus only on solutions? At least that direction of thinking will lead me to someplace empowering and hopeful. I am going to replace each problem with a solution until I reach the point of no return. So that is my message today. There is hope. There is a solution.
When I was a little girl, my mom used to take me to a place called Jenny Jump Mountain. That is where I first learned about the legend and how the mountain got its name. There was a time long ago when nine year old Jenny was out picking berries. She looked up to find Indians coming toward her and she yelled to her father for help. She was trapped and scared at the top of the mountain. Her father was down below and he yelled to her, jump Jenny jump, and she did. One ending suggests Jenny jumped to her death and the other tells the happy news of her landing safely in the arms of her father. I guess we’ll never know for sure.
For some reason, the story has always stuck in my mind. I was inspired to write this after reading a post on Dream Big, Dream Often. His post was about turning molehills into mountains. I, on the other hand, realize the opposite can also be true. I actually try and turn my mountains into a molehill because I get to that point I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stand the feeling of being trapped on the mountainside with no way down. I am afraid of heights. I panic and the anxiety becomes a constant gnawing at my internal organs. Sometimes I wish I could be like Jenny and just jump but I don’t think I have the courage. Then I think to myself, if I don’t jump, how will I ever learn to fly?
So, what do you think? What’s worse? Turning mountains into molehills or molehills into mountains? Which are you guilty of?
How do you keep problems outside of your relationship from leaking in? Relationships are hard. They require commitment, patience, forgiveness and unconditional acceptance. If every couple lived on their own little island and in their own little world, you can bet those relationships would be very different than the ones in the real world. You have two people bringing all kinds of baggage to the table and slowly over the years, they feel safe enough to unpack. Add bills and kids and work, depression, frustration, you name it and the relationship gets buried underneath it all. Two wonderful people get trapped there suffocating in those little things that overnight seem to have gotten overwhelmingly big. It’s easy to stop seeing each other as human beings, man and woman and lose sight of the reasons you married each other all those years ago. When you were dating, your conversations were not consumed by problems and frustrations but rather focused on getting to know each other better. I know there is so much I don’t know about my own husband and plenty he doesn’t know about me. Somewhere along this journey we stopped talking about our dreams and became panicked about our reality. There are so many stressors constantly pulling both in so many directions and it’s hard to not lose each other along the way. It’s easier to act aggressively than it is to ask for love. It’s easier to stay angry then it is to let go of what is bothering you most. It’s easy to take your frustrations out on the closest person around and unfortunately, it is usually your spouse. So how do you push it all away and lock it outside?How do you prevent all those worries and all the stress from coming in between a bond that took you many, long years to build? There is no pill for that. No quick fix to magically melt the burdens of living away. It comes down to being accountable for your part in the relationship and making choices that will enhance the relationship and not tear it down.
I challenge you and myself to build a wall around your marriage for one week and not let the problems of the world seep in. Do you think it’s possible? Are you willing to try?
When it seems like the sky is about to collapse, relax, that’s just the roof caving in ~ Jarod Kintz
Isn’t it amazing how awful the mind can make things seem? I have friends that stress over the most ridiculous things and I wonder how they might ever get through something that would actually knock the wind out of their sail. I try and remind myself to put things into perspective. I acknowledge that there is something hanging over me but at the same time I try my best to count my blessings. When we find out something is wrong and I mean really devastatingly wrong, our mind can wander to a hopeless and dangerous place. It takes time for the shock to set in until you can focus less on the problem and more on finding a solution. It takes faith to carry on the best you can while trying your best to find a way to cope. Time heals all wounds. That’s not to say that it heals them completely but it definately dulls that initial pain.
Remember, you are so much stronger than you could ever imagine. What seems like the end of the world today isn’t the end of the world at all. It’s just a bad day or a tough break or something that touches you deeply in the worst way. You are a warrior, strong and patient, ready to conquer anything that comes your way. Warriors have the courage to stand steady and strong and the knowledge to know the sky will never really fall.
Have you ever come across someone who identifies every problem you seem to have, yet never addresses their own?
Yeah, what do you do with that? What can you do?
Sometimes I find myself so frustrated. All I can think is, stop worrying about everyone else’s situation and start working on your own. I don’t mean any disrespect when I say that, I just think it is important to remain so focused on fixing, changing and accepting your own life that you don’t have the time or energy to dive into someone else’s.
We are all a work in progress. We will not be the person today that we will be tomorrow unless we choose to be. And if you choose to be, don’t be surprised when your life stays the same no matter how much you want or need it to change.
I choose to be better so life doesn’t make me bitter. If you squeeze me, I couldn’t live with myself if bitterness was the only thing that came pouring out. Life is too short to be filled with that.
The lesson will always repeat itself, unless you see yourself as the problem–not others.
Shannon L. Alder
While doing my usual scrolling through Facebook earlier today, I saw a post about Obamacare, the Affordable Care Act or The Unaffordable Care Act all according to who you ask. Don’t worry. I am not here to talk about Obama or healthcare, but I am here to talk about something I find a very serious dilemma we are facing in our country today.
It is no secret that we are a flawed nation. There are many issues and problems right now that have become the center of attention for our country as a whole. Some people want to place blame. Some people want to focus on fixing the problems. This is the truth according to me. So many times, a problem comes to our attention. In time, it is like a wildfire that grows beyond what we can contain. It burns so out of control that normal methods to put that fire out no longer work. Some would like to focus on placing blame on who is at fault. Some would like to skip blaming and solve the problem. This is why I think both are related. How are we supposed to fix or solve a problem we are not willing to acknowledge? The real problem is that someone is always at the root of the problem. Like it or not, it is only when someone accepts responsibility and becomes accountable for that problem are we really ever able to fix it. Some of you are sitting there shaking your heads. I know you will disagree. However, the incompetence that leads to many of our troubles often times comes without consequence. Companies and executives and principals protect the very people that cause the problems in the first place. If someone does not start to take responsibility there will be nothing from stopping bigger, more severe mistakes from occurring in the very near future. If people are protected and not punished, answer me…who suffers? Somewhere in between the battle of words of who is to blame and why we shouldn’t focus on the perpetrator, the problem plants it’s seed and grows. Before we know it, our schools, our governments, our companies are so corrupt and there is never any way to go back to the truth of what it once was. This attitude of looking the other way and overlooking blame results in a viscous cycle of “I didn’t break it so why should I fix it?” Who the hell did break it then and who the hell should do the fixing? This is why that question is a necessary one to answer. So for those of you that want to sweep the who under the rug and move onto the what, the two are and always will be connected. Someone broke it, and now someone needs to fix it! I can’t wait until someone shows up! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!